Oh Ho Here's to January

This year started off with a bang. Literally. Well, technically it was more of a ruckus. The various people in my living room all started hollering and making noise, just like anyone would had they loaded up on sugar and salsa and whatever else they consumed.

Me?

I spend the last evening of 2013 eating peanut butter, watching Psych, and fluffing the hair of my favorite Southerner. I stumbled around the downstairs. I almost fell asleep. And at the stroke of midnight, I was reminded that yes. Finally.

I could go to bed.

But no, 2013 was worth recognizing. It was a good year. And yes, 2014 will be a good year, too.

So here we go. Here's to January. Here's to the month that started the new year, that ended the old year, and the month that allowed me to see once again God is a little bigger than I originally credited him to be.

Hello from last January. Hello to the beginning of 2013. You're hooked on a dude from NC. Is that wise? There are a mere few months before you finally see him face to face. Maybe then you can tell him in person how nice his homemade cutoffs are.

Hello from last February. You just sprained your wrist really quite badly. You can't punch as well. It makes your work a menace. You have to tape it up to the point that parents at the dojo ask, "What's WRONG with you?" But really, all you're worried about is whether or not you'll be able to play flag football. Because yes. Next month, you're going to meet him.

Hello from last March. You've waited 10 months for this to be real. It's so real, you don't know if it's real. You feel strange and excited and what on EARTH IS HAPPENING. But it's real. He's real.

Hello from last April. Welcome to real world stuff. Crash land back in NH after your visit in NC and you're thrown right back into dojo life + now you're finishing school, starting full time work, and trying to settle. How can you? Life just got a little bigger. Time to try Crossfit for the first time ever.

Hello from last May. It's getting hard to be apart when you + he have only met once, but you're both as curious as cats. Bad days are all over the place, but God graces you both with a good deal more understanding than you deserve. Hang on tight, trip number 2 is on the way!

Hello from last June. You'll regret not having taken more pictures, and not regret a single dance in the 90 degree weather. You'll wonder how time flies and stands still all at once. You'll marvel at how this time last year, you just met him and would have no idea...

Hello from last July. You're furiously trying to get ready for your first Spartan Race. You're doing burpee runs, busting bum at Crossfit, and through it all... you're about to have trip #3. See that dock? You've been this beach since you were about 5 years old. But the memory is forever changed. He's been there, too. Just like so many other areas of your life.

Hello from last August. You survive your first Spartan Race. You do a bit better than survive, however. You finish 4th in your age group- and by a minute and 30 seconds. You finished in an hour and 53 seconds. It was hard. It wasn't pretty. But you did it. This month, you also spend your birthday with Jacob for the first time. Dual birthdays= epic. Dual birthdays in the same state? Perfect. Day before the dual birthdays football game? Even more perfect. Summer is over already!

Hello from last September. Is there something wrong with being best friends with the boyfriend's siblings? Because we're such good friends that we go from long (ish) runs and do oodles of squats. Good luck coming back from this trip. It will be hard. But good news! You get to go back to NC in October! Also, you realize that even though you've never really ever watched football that watching Jacob play is the best ever.

Hello from last October. You must decently enjoy Crossfit, because you've signed up (against your better judgement) a Crossfit competition. The Lumberjack 20. Ahh, you've never felt so sick as you did during that last round of squat cleans. Driving home you get lost and take about and hour and half longer than needed to get home from Portsmouth, but still. You feel accomplished... so you sign up for another Spartan Race in November. And oh yes! You get to see Jacob again. The year is moving right along... the question is... where to?

Hello from last November. This is the first time both of your families have been together in the same state. It's fun. It's wild. You're on cloud nine. You see Jacob suit up and play his last ever football game. He's injured and you don't like that much, but the way he still plays just as hard is very much inspiring. After it's all over, even though you've not seen him play from the beginning, you know it's the end of a chapter. You're glad to be a part of it. The rest of the trip? Beautiful. The next time you see Jacob will be the day after Christmas. Oh! And that Spartan Race? Smashed it. Came in 4th again with a 45:29.

Hello from last December. You've been feeling blah. And alone. And ready for Christmas to be over, because it just doesn't feel like the season without Jacob. You're in One Voice, you've got rehearsals, social obligations, classes, more workouts... but tis the season for missing Jacob. But oh yes! The day after Christmas is spent inflating air mattresses, vacuuming, and getting out in the snow and ice at 10pm to go pick up your favorite Carolinians in a fogged up Echo :)

Hello from this January. Oh ho here's the January. Because you've spent a year wondering and waiting and being patient and traveling and saving and crying and pouring out your heart and soul to a God who is listening... but it's very hard. Here's to this year, and a new timeline, and a wonderful maker who knows how silly I am when I cry over his perfect plans.

Here's to this. And that. And trusting. And faith. Have I mentioned what faith means? It's not faith if you use your eyes. 

Well. Here's to not using my eyes. Happy 2014!

Philippians, Peanut Butter, and Other Ways We Stay Sane, Pt. 2

Good days= together!

There are good days. There are bad days. And there are 'smack me upside the head and let me drown in a tub of sorrow' days.

Ah, sounds familiar yet? You must be in a long distance relationship. Me too! It's fun, isn't it?

And here comes the issue of coping with the miles. How do we do it? How do we stay sane? Earlier I covered some of the means of maintaining a somewhat normal life.

Ready for more?

-Find something funny. And no, I'm not referring to America's Funniest Home Videos, unless that's the only means for you to laugh. Read an entertaining book. Watch something humorous. Have a lively conversation with the family. Sometimes your mood needs a lift. No, you won't want to have a mood lift- you will want to stay mopey. Don't be mopey. Be happy.

-Plan ahead. This may or may not apply to differing degrees, depending on where you're at in your relationship. Obviously, if you just met, I don't recommend planning weddings or picking out beige carpets for the future home. However, be aware and don't focus alone on how wonderful the other person makes you feel. If things work out and you're pursuing a relationship with purpose, odds are you'll need more than love and cutsie feelings to keep you going. Use your brain, not just your heart.

-Be real. It's very easy to hide when you feel poorly, hide when you have a worry or a concern regarding the other person, or hide when you're not at your best in long distance relationships. I'm here to tell you for the sake of your relationship: don't. If you're not really happy, stop pretending you're happy. I'm not saying be grumpy, but let the other person know where you're REALLY at. If they can't handle you at your worst, they sure don't deserve you at your best... or so a certain blonde said, but I digress.

-Embrace the here and now. Do you know how much it hurts to be somewhere when that someone is so far away? It hurts a lot. But here's a change of perspective. Look around. Do you have parents? Siblings? Friends? Odds are you do. They care about you. Love you, even. Don't forget about them! Don't waste months, maybe even years of your life pining away! Remember to live with purpose in the here and now. Is it always fun? No. I've personally been feeling extremely demotivated because well- my main inspiration on this earth is far away and it just isn't the same without him. But don't forget those around you now. Do something amazing for them, for God, and in the end... that someone will be  proud that you are.

-Make a monthly goal. Maybe it's something little, like 'clean the kitchen every afternoon'. Maybe it's big, like do a Crossfit competition. Ahem. Either way, regardless of commitment, having a monthly 'something' will make time go by as well as keep you productive. For me, I do Spartan Races, Crossfit comps, musicals, and of course, (here we go again) work out. But what's yours? Maybe you have a reading list. A financial goal. Whatever it is, do it!

What are your ways of dealing with the distance? If you mention something magical, odds are I won't believe you. For the rest of you, I'd love to hear! Sometimes, we blow the whole long distance shenanigans out of proportions. Remember, God has a plan! No amount of miles can stop him. So... trust. Sanity or no sanity. He'll see you through!

Philippians, Peanut Butter, and Other Ways We Stay Sane, Pt. 1

Do we look sane? 

One of the most popular questions I've been asked follows the patterns of: "How do you stay sane living in a long distance relationship?"

I'm always tempted to say, "Do we look sane?"

But then I remember I want to have at least a few friends, so I zip it.

I'm then tempted to say, "I yell at Jacob a lot, get mad at him, stop missing him, and console myself with a large dose of happy solitude."

But then I realize that statement makes little to no sense, both in syntax, meaning, and... well. Yeah.

Maybe I should go back with the insanity theory? Ah, no.

Let's make a list, since that's what cultured people do. 

How do we stay sane?

-We work out. Yes. we're workout junkies to begin with, so maybe that's why this one works so well. It's something we're comfortable with, something that is like therapy. Plus, what's the bad part of doing a few burpees? Oh. Right. You smell sweaty. Well. Besides that.

-We make routines and schedules and STICK TO THEM. Don't just sit around and mope, or guess what? All you will have to look back on is... sitting back and moping. Get out. Sign up. Do stuff. Don't overwork or over commit, but remember to bloom where you are planted.

-Read your Bible. Or if I was hip, maybe I should say get in da wooooord man! But I'm not hip. So I repeat: read your Bible. For me, it's Psalms. Philippians. Proverbs. The gospels. But hey! I'm not God- he'll lead you to the verses you need most.

-This goes with the last one a bit, but pray. And no, don't just pray for the distance to close. Pray for the future. Pray for the other person in a mature, Christian way. Don't simply pray that you see them soon. Pray for spiritual guidance, for growth mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Pray that they honor God, pray that God takes care of them and their family.

-Peanut Butter is mine. It would be Jacob's if he could only eat it. But find something non-addictive and preferably lacking in white grain or sugar that you can eat after doing all those therapy burpees.

-Find a good support system. Be it your friends, parents, church, or all the above, find those who can help you get back up when you feel down in the dumps. Sometimes, you need a good kick in the pants. Believe me, I teach martial arts.

Long distance wasn't my choice. 

Okay. So it was. But here's the kicker! All this talk of sanity and maintaining feelings and hope across the miles and you know what? In the end, we give our best. But ultimately, it is God who carries this story.

Part 2 coming ASAP!

The In Betweens: 7 Things I've Learned After 7 Trips

"Nobody here knocking at my door,

the sound of silence I can't take anymore..."

-Armin Van Buuren

Well. It's 7 trips later and I'm still learning things about patience. I'm learning a little about the TSA (not much, I'm not sure anyone will ever fully figure them out) and a lot about the kindness and understanding of those around me. 

I'm learning a lot about maturity and a lot more about getting back up once you hit the ground. Isn't that funny? I train these habits all the time in MMA, but sometimes the 'real life' version is so, so... so much harder. A few things I've learned:

1. I miss the weirdest things about being together. Mostly things like brushing our teeth together, or going out and shoveling at 7:30pm. Or even running to the grocery store to pick up stuff for my mom. Or car rides. Or washing dishes. Or the fact that neither of us can remember where our precious cell phones are during each trip.

2. Airports just aren't as vast and scary as they used to be. After layovers, cancelled flights, broken planes, walking out onto a very wet and very windy tarmac at 10pm, I don't mind twiddling my thumbs at the average flights.

3. Going to bed on time is very important. Essentially, I'm an old person who needs sleep- so therefore, I insist that everyone goes to bed early whenever a Clifton is over. I kid. Mostly. BUT. After about 6 trips, I learned that if you don't get enough sleep, the last few days of the trip are very, very rugged. As in everyone is mopey and too tired to do anything. Not good news.

4. Jacob eats like 3 small ponies. Just in case anyone was wondering. And no, he would probably disagree and say he eats like 4 large ponies. The funny thing is, he is such a good southerner with such good southern manners, he will never ask for anything. In fact, anytime I've ever asked Jacob if he's hungry, he politely responds, "I'm okay for right now!" To which I responded something along the lines of, "You've said that the whole trip. If that was really the case, you'd probably be dead right now."

Needless to say, I made him eat just about 24/7. In other news, donate now to the Small Pony Fund!

5. Working out together is so much fun. I love working out. I do. But when I'm tired or grumpy or generally being a pain, I would rather take a nap. However, having someone to smack and be smacked into gear is wonderful. That, and Jacob and I can be workout junkies to our hearts content.

6. Waking up is the most exciting thing in the world during trips. Knowing there is another day defying the distance is amazing. Knowing you have another whole day to do crazy stuff, normal stuff, boring stuff, ANYTHING... it's a wonderful feeling.

7. Goodbyes are very hard. Tears are not a sign of weakness. Drop off zones at airports are my least favorite place in the world. Returning rides to airports are accompanied by a feeling unlike any other. It's an empty, twisting fear that even though you've got plans to see that person again, what if you never do? Why are you consciously, purposely driving your favorite person away so that they will get on a plane and fly over a thousand miles further away? Yes. Goodbyes are very hard indeed.

I've learned a zillion other things. But the biggest thing I've learned, bigger than a list sort of thing, is that God knows how to make a sad and silly person like me grow mature. I'm a far cry from perfect, but when I think back to the person I was in 2012... well. There's a miracle for you ;)

Oh. And something else I miss and have learned about these trips: When you go to the library together, read books about domestic cats, divorce, death, and Joel Osteen. Yeah. We're both grown up, aren't we?

The real question is, what is next?