July 27, 2014

Optimism: Why I Refuse to Live in the Real World

This weekend I've had to research, phone call, paperwork, and drive around to work on the nitty gritty parts of getting ready for marriage. Insurance being one of those things ;) And yes! The first thought was overwhelming. Where do I start? What if I pick the wrong thing? Help!

And of course, Jacob has been part of this process, too. Phone calls and texts and "what do you think?" and all that jazz for all these different, new questions we must deal with.

Our situation feels twice as tricky, given that the first 9 months of marriage we will be in 3 different states, essentially. Yep. Hardcore parkour. And no. Not just for insurance.

Throughout these many topics and conversations, Jacob and I had the chance to get really depressed. Or mad at each other. Or both maybe! But whenever things got tough to figure out, or we just didn't know what to choose or do or decide, we would go back to praying, laugh about it, and move on. In fact, this mentality lead to treating even the smallest victories with some pretty wild hooting and hollering. Which to me, is how it should be. Everything should be treated like that, right? Happy. Optimistic. Or at least, I think so!

Have there been times when I've gotten frustrated to the point of tears? Of course. I've been confused and upset. But I refuse to let it become negative.

I've been told that once marriage actually starts, I'll have to get past this and realize life is hard. And things are hard. And I just need to wait until the real world sinks in, along with all of it's real world problems. You know. Cars breaking down. Appliances falling apart. No paychecks. People vomiting. That sort of stuff, I suppose.

What's with the whole, 'wait till the real world sinks in' mentality?

I'm not advocating rose colored glasses. I'm advocating optimism. Especially now that I'm only 78 days away from marriage. And yes, my heart just leapt with joy at typing at that. Only 78 days!

Since when did being an optimist go out of style? Sure, we're happy... when things are going our way. Or when things are worth being happy about. But being an optimist only when you're happy and comfortable isn't being an optimist. Dictionary.com defines optimism as "a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome."

Optimism really counts when life stinks. Optimism really counts when everyone else tells you that you there are so many things to be discouraged about, but you continue to hold a positive outlook.

I'm not recommending being an airhead. Because the truth is, the 'real world' does stink. I'd go so far as to say it sucks. There are unfair happenings every second, someone is sick, someone is on the verge of bankruptcy, someone just lost a loved one, someone is fighting a war, someone got divorced, someone broke down and got hooked on an addiction, someone is battling depression, and on and on it goes. The real world is a pit of sinners fully embracing their nature, sinners trying to be saints, and sinners that don't care either way. 

The 'real world' is not our home. And that is why I refuse to live here.

I mean. Well. Yes, I do have to live here, but not the way everyone else does. And neither do you. Colassians 3:2, "Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth."

But how often do we come face to face with the 'real world' and suddenly, all we can think about is how large and scary it really is? We are overwhelmed with a sense of despair, because well, this is just how things are. And as part of the system, we must do our part, drag our feet, and go along with it.

Or must we?

Why do we forget that our citizenship is in heaven? That our minds, our hearts, and our outlook should reflect the fact that God is watching over us every second of our existence. Psalm 121:1-2, "I will lift my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

Further in verses 7-8, we read, "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; he shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in, from this time forth, and even forevermore."

Why am I an optimist? Why do I refuse to live in the 'real world'?

Because this world is not my home. 

Yes, there are hard times. Yes, there are things that wear us down, things that aren't any fun, things that are downright terrifying to a 20 year old, almost married person. This world, however beautiful, is a fallen world that can be awfully scary at times. 

But it also a world that we do not have to walk through alone.

What are your thoughts?

July 20, 2014

Why Consistency Matters

So what do you all think about consistency?

I'm not talking cakes and thickness of batter. I'm not even talking thickness of skulls. However, thickness of skulls DOES have something to do with all this. Let me explain.

Consistency. Where is it? Do you believe in it when it comes to relationships? We start off relationships with butterflies in the stomach, texting every 2 minutes, phone calls whenever possible, sweet nothings, and any possible way to make the other person smile.

We want to consistently make the relationship a wonderland for the other person.

When I first started talking to Jacob, I would cut time out of my day to send him special messages, talk to him whenever possible, and in any way I could, I would try to do my best for him. It's not always easy from a thousand miles away!

That was back in June 2012. Nowadays, things are busier. Jacob is up to his neck is school, I'm planning a wedding/packing/teaching/training for competitions, and of course, regular life is always going on. There have been days this past week that I've barely gotten to talk to Jacob due to his school schedule. We're both tired and trying to get things together before 85 days- which I'm so excited about! But still. it's not always convenient to do those little things that make a spark. However, Jacob and I are determined to never let those little things die out. 

What little things? Well.

It's not always convenient to stay up until 12am simply because that's the only time I can actually talk to Jacob.

It's not always convenient to try and read into what the other person says simply because you know deep down they need encouragement. It would be easier to just pretend you didn't notice the slight changes in mannerisms that gives away something is amiss.

It's not always convenient to send a special text or email or voicemail when you know the other person has a big, important test/day/school project/work project that day.

It's not always convenient to talk through important issues when you feel worn out, tired, or simply just don't feel like talking.

It's not always convenient to hold hands (i.e. 2 hour drives to and from airports in a huge van with awkwardly distant seating).

It's not always convenient to buy her flowers.

It's not always convenient to open the door for her.

It's not always convenient to sincerely remind him how important he is and how what he does is incredibly valuable.

Do you get the idea? It's not always convenient. And if you have kids, a busy work schedule, a hectic lifestyle, a strained relationship due to distance, finances, stresses, etc etc, it can be even harder.

But wait. Wasn't the word of the day consistency? Hold on! I'm getting there!

If it was easy, everyone would do it. Consistency wouldn't be an issue, because these things that aren't always convenient would practically do themselves.

And that's what I'm getting to.

Consistency isn't always convenient... depending on how you look at things.

HOWEVER. If you view things from the other person's perspective as constantly as you view things from your perspective, you will no longer look at things in terms of convenience.

Selfishness is a blinder to our true potential in terms of how we can honor, respect, and encourage our spouse/future spouse/significant other. 

If you're only focusing on how buying flowers for her affects your wallet and your schedule, then your selfishness has blinded you in your mission to make her your princess, best friend, and teammate.

If you can't manage to tell him in the truest, most powerful words possible that you are incredibly grateful for his work ethic, his accomplishments, and his loyal dedication to you, simply because you're 'too tired' from your day, then your selfishness has blinded you in your mission to make him your hero, your best friend, and your teammate. 

In marriage especially, this other person is an extension of yourself. Selfishness should not be on the table, because this is YOU, we are talking about.

If you have kids? That's not something that should affect consistently showing and giving your best.

If you have financial instability? Consistency in appreciation/romance/humility shouldn't be affected.

If you're both super busy and things are stressful? All the more reason to be consistent in bringing glory to God through your actions and interactions.

The old fashioned romance, the butterflies, the gestures of undying love, the simple nothings and everything that made you both fall in love with each other- don't let these things die. Don't settle for the mediocrity of a marriage with a business mentality. This isn't a business operation you are running. This is a passionate romance for both your other half and for the glory of God.

I don't speak of this because I've been married for 50 years. I don't speak of this because I've had the experience. I speak of this because I've seen married couples let the things that brought them together, the excitement, fun, and wonderstruck shivers melt away. 

As a God ordained institution, should marriage reflect our character and Christianity in the utmost?

Consistency. Passion in our mission. Be called to be different for the better.

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 




July 18, 2014

What If I Ruin My Wedding?!?!

I need to mail invitations. And a zillion other things. But instead, let's talk weddings, shall we?

Ahh, wedding day.

This is the most important day of your ENTIRE life.

Or. So we are led to believe. And don't get me wrong, this day is a BIG deal. But is it worth tears and stress and questioning your sanity? Can you make a wrong choice, order HORRIBLE decorations, and ruin your wedding?

Some might say yes. I say no. Let's delve into why you cannot and should not fret about ruining your wedding:

FIRSTLY: This is YOUR wedding. Be respectful of family members and guests, but this is your and your significant other's special day. If you like it? Go for it.

SECONDLY: What is the most important thing in planning your wedding? Having a God honoring union. How you go about that can happen a zillion ways, right? I mean, otherwise, we would all get married the same way.

THIRDLY: A wedding is about joining two souls, not matching salt shakers, wedding bubble blowers, and the most perfect/unique/ah*mazing playlist. Are those things what make it unique and memorable? Yes. But the ultimate goal of a wedding is to create a marriage that lasts forever. If you have to choose between having lasting memories of your wedding ambiance or a lasting marriage, we know which is more important.

FOURTHLY: Ask yourself: if you do your best to be economical, smart, and trust God to guide you in your decisions and planning, how can you ruin your wedding?


Outside circumstances we cannot help. But when it comes to us, we do our best, trust God, and let the results glorify him. What are your thoughts?