I have a staggering amount of regret that I only write up posts every few months. But, I am grateful for what time I am granted for all the different hobbies and jobs I get to do- so let's move on ;)
"Hey Jacob," I mentioned the other day, "isn't it weird that 80% of the people who gave us strange looks and told us that we were getting married young and getting married too fast are either now no longer in a relationship, on their 3rd relationship, or still not happy in their relationship?"
It got me to thinking: why are we still happy and jiving in our marriage?
Is it because 2 years is still 'newlywed phase'?
Is it because we have a lot of money? No kids? Is it because we shut up and put up with stuff?
Have no fear. I'm hear to answer the 5 habits that make for happy marriage.
#1: Sacrifice for each other.
Nope. Not in the Old Testament meaning of the word 'sacrifice'. I mean think about the other person first. You both got invited to a party. Your spouse is sick. Stay home and take care of them, hang out with them, and make then feel better! Or maybe, it's simply always washing the dishes, even though they never wash the dishes. Or vacuum. Or do the laundry. WHATEVER. This is not a business agreement. This is teamwork.
NOW YES I KNOW. Someone is out there harping on the fact that well, if you do everything, they'll do nothing and that's not fair.
I say either 1)You should have paid a little better attention during the dating/courting process if this was going to be such a clincher, or 2)If you really love them, you won't mind doing these things AND you will stop whining about what you have to do and look around to see what things your spouse is doing for you! Sometimes we get so caught up in the Entitlement Game that we miss all the things someone else does for us.
#2: Don't Make Happiness Reliant on Income
If this was the case, our marriage would have been preeeetty miserable for the first year and a half. For some people, our marriage would still be considered misery worthy! Money is helpful, but if you make your happiness rely on how fancy your dates are, how nice your home is, or how cool your cable package is, you will not be as happy as you think.
Hint: You'll be less happy.
Be grateful for what you have, make plans together to save for what you need and want accordingly, and make your happiness reliant on the person you are with, not the things you can buy. This one can be hard to do!
#3: Spend Time Together.
WHAT?! How is this on the list??? Crazy, but sometimes being married means you don't spend much time together. Be it work, kids, or even simply developing different hobbies that send you off in different directions, save time to be together. You married this person and they are now part of your essence (sorry if that sounds dramatic but!).
Find a hobby you both enjoy together. Save specific times of the week to be with each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but longer bouts of absence can sometimes make the heart forget.
#4: Don't Be Friends.
Wha. Yep, you heard me. I tire so very much of people that tell me after 5-10 years of marriage, you become 'friends'. You have kids, life is busy, and your combined life is more of a business partnership than the giddy and exciting romance you had when you were dating or first got married.
I'm not saying let everything go to you-know-where in a you-know-what (rhymes with 'tasket'), but for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, please be wild and romance crazy, kiss each other in the grocery store, write each other stupid notes, smack each other on the butt, I don't care.
Please don't become 'friends'. Don't friend zone your marriage. It saddens me so much to see people who were wild about each other now treat every day like a 9-5 shift with co-worker Bart (if you are married to a Bart, please don't treat him like a coworker, despite this example).
#5: Make Room for Jesus.
...and not the way you had to before you were married.
Please note: I didn't say make room for church. I said make room for JESUS. Pray together, for each other, and pray for your relationship. Did you think you were doing so well because you are just that awesome? Well, you might be awesome, but God does play a big role in a lot of stuff, so. Ahem.
Keep your marriage and happiness in line with glorifying God. Times can get very hard. However! Remember why you both are here: to enjoy God and glorify him forever. Make your marriage a big part of how you glorify God by being content, happy, and productive!
So there you have it.
Marriage isn't complicated. People are complicated. And selfish. And stubborn. And sinners. That's what makes marriage seem like a challenge.
Would you add anything to this list?
