3 Things We Really Shouldn't Forget

Christmas and New Year celebrations bring on all kinds of self reflection. Resolutions, reminiscing, remembering. Maybe some of the biggest things we should remember and reflect on about are these:

1. God is good all the time.
2. Love isn't something we deserve.
3. Every day should be treated like it's a once in a lifetime.

I don't even need to write anything else. There is something beautiful in every moment and there is something fantastic about knowing mercy is abundant in how God gives us more than we could ever deserve, even when it may not always seem that way.

Have the happiest of days as this year dies away to the new and may you be blessed by remembering this season is just the beginning of our recalling how a Savior came low to forgive a legion unfit to even look upon his splendor.

Love,
The Cliftons

Let's Talk About Being Different!

I can't imagine I'm the only one.

I've dreamed of making a difference. I've prayed that God would use me in a mighty way. I've considered all the means by which I could be a game changer. Don't we all want to be special and look back on our lives to realize we were important? That we would be heroes on any given scale?

Maybe it's just me. But I'd like to think there is at least one other soul out there who feels the same.

In that case, let's talk about impossible. Let's talk about our plans and God's plans. Let's talk about different.

I DREAD being the same as everyone else. I dread it like little kids might dread day old oatmeal (unless you were me as a little kid. I kinda liked it. And I was proud of it too, because it made me different. See? I'm a weirdo).

I don't want to be different as in I feel the need to express myself in the way I dress/talk/act to get attention. I want to be different for the better. Well. Apart from the oatmeal illustration.

NOTE: I do not say this to shame or slam the way anyone is doing anything. Doing things the same as everyone else is just fine in most circumstances. Take brushing your teeth. Teeth are good. Brushing them is better. But how you brush them? Alright alright... you get what I'm saying. Maybe.

But don't we all want to be doing things for the better? Of course. But sometimes, if it involves doing something DRASTICALLY, unexpectedly different, our feeble grey matter turns a little more grey and all we can say is, 'um', or occasionally 'um uh'.

Why? Because suddenly doing something different for the better becomes uncomfortable, scary, and NOT what we wanted. Furthermore, we get so caught up in how nasty our current circumstances are, that we forget about 'being different', 'making a change', and all those other things, because all we can see in front of us is a pile of garbage. You feel like shouting at God to remind him that you wanted to make a difference, that you wanted to do good in the world- not dig tunnels in trash.

Let me make something clear, as far as I understand it:

1. If you want impossible things to happen, expect impossible things to happen.
2. Sometimes you DO become a game changer, you just never notice until you were in it.
3. Sometimes, impossible is not what you think it is.
4. Lastly, how do you want to remember these circumstances?

In my case, I never in a million years dreamed of teaching martial arts to kids, doing college through self study at home, meeting a boy in North Carolina through said college studying, flying out to meet said boy sight unseen, crying in a dojo because of said boy, juggling a long distance relationship while maintaining one of America's most unusual jobs, eventually marrying North Carolina boy at 21 years old, continuing to teach martial arts via Skype, continuing to teach martial arts in a program I started in North Carolina, and most of all, I never expected to be okay with all the little bits and pieces that felt like they were tearing me apart during such events.

I was a field hockey player. I had a scholarship to play DII field hockey. And somehow, I thought that I was achieving the impossible- a homeschool student who started playing in 8th grade with no friends, on a team that never won, would get to play field hockey at the collegiate level.

And just like that, God said no. Despite scholarships and the college cutting corners, I wouldn't be able to afford to go. I was devastated. For years and years, I had been praying for God to use me in a big way. Just when I thought he was, the carpet was pulled out from under me. Why?

Because I had no idea what impossible was. Because impossible would find me at a different time, when I wouldn't even think what I was doing was impossible or special at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: if you want to make a difference, pray. Pray that God will use you to be different for the better and then expect all sorts of things to happen. Notice I didn't say exciting, wonderful, AMAZING things. I just said things. And regardless of what they are, praise Him and be positive.

Good or bad, make the most of your circumstances. Look back on them and know you did your best. Remember that God's plans are always better than ours. Turns out for me, being a martial arts instructor and best friend to a football player who is a mathematical maniac was a better plan than collegiate field hockey. Who knew? Certainly not me!

I know not everyone shares my beliefs when it comes to faith in God. But if you take nothing else away from this, take this: do not let your circumstances determine your state of mind. Believe in impossible, different for the better, and game changing.

I believe in God and I hold my faith close. The road I'm on may get bumpy, it may seem impossible... but that's when I see my God to impossible things to get me through and show me how much I am worth.

"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."

Why I Need My Best Friend (And He Needs Me)

It's an unbelievably beautiful experience to live with your best friend. To know them better than anyone else. To trust them more than anyone else. To entrust them with more than you could ever have imagined entrusting anyone with anything. To believe in them and love them even when things are harder than hard. To rejoice with them when things are more magnificent than you could have ever dreamed.

He takes care of me even when he doesn't have to. Some might refer to this as 'spoiling', but spoiling makes me think of vegetables covered in mold, so let's not go there. My best friend knows when I need gentle kind words, but also when I need a kick in the pants. Usually it's a kick in the pants. He tailors his day around making me smile and feel safe, even though I didn't ask him to do any of this.

He praises me for achievements & encourages me.
You see, I like working out. But since I married my best friend, I've been going crazy with workouts- not because I suddenly have all this energy, free time, and human growth hormones. No. It's because I have someone who praises me when I accomplish what I set out to do and encourages me to keep getting better. However, it's not just about workouts. This applies to cleaning the house, making breakfast, teaching martial arts, the way I interact with others, etc etc. My best friend keeps me improving because I want to make him proud.

He works hard for not just himself, but both of us.
Be it sick or healthy, my best friend puts forth his best efforts because he is not just working for himself, but for me as well. He works because he loves me. Together, we are building our future.

He makes me happy even when things are hard.
This first year of marriage has involved moving so many times, uncertainty for the future, where we will be even 3 months from now, and so much more. His sense of humor, faith, and passion for being optimistic and hilarious at all times is a thousand times more brilliant than anything that glitters.

He is a visionary like me.
He doesn't view marriage as a union that involves squabbles, poverty, 10 zillion babies right off the pop, a diamond ring, and a box of polaroids from the wedding to be hung wall to wall. He challenges my thinking about everything and makes me realize so many things in our culture don't have to be the way they are. My best friend believes in being different. So do I.

I need my best friend. He needs me. And that's what is so beautiful about marriage.

Why 'We're Just Friends!' Is A Big Fat Lie

I've spent a lot of time talking about relationships, but sometimes, the question isn't about the relationship. Sometimes, it's about the relationship. Yep. That's the one. The one EVERYONE knows about, but IS NOT, BY GOLLY IS NOT a relationship. Everyone KNOWS what it is, but NOBODY says what it is because if they do, the offending commentator is shot down with, "we're not in a relationship! We're just friends! Gosh we've always been just friends you chowderheaded weasel!"

Riiiight. Follow so far?

You know what I mean. Or you will. Guy meets girl. Girl meets guy. They talk, hang out, text endlessly, and a 'relationship' begins to form. Is it romantic? Is flirtatious? Is it just friends? Is it preliminary? How the heck does anyone know?

And there are more guys and girls who have asked themselves: what am I supposed to do?

I like this guy/girl, but I don't know if they like me... and I don't even know if I'm ready for a relationship. And I don't want to hurt their feelings. But what if they feel the same way? What if they don't?

Yes, sometimes it can also be the other way around.

I really do enjoy talking to them, but I don't think I LIKE like them... but gosh it's so much fun talking to him/her. I don't want to end things just because I MIGHT not like them that way. And besides, it's not my fault if they like me, right? I'm just talking to them, so I can't be leading them on or anything.

I'm sure I'm going to step on some toes, so lace up the steel toed boots:

Rule #1: Guys and girls cannot be 'just friends' if there is too much exclusive attention. Sure, at first things are all peachy, but given enough time and enough one on one attention, somebody is bound to question where things are going and if the other person is the one. Lawd I hate that word.

Texting and social media is huge in regards to this. Sure, maybe you don't hang out with him, just the two of you. Sure, you only see him in person in group settings so there is NO way anyone (including you) should consider anything to be exclusive about the two of you. But as soon as you get home, you whip out the phone, pull up facebook, and BAM- endless hours are sucked away into the not-a-relationship void. And next thing you know, one of you is going to get more attached than you meant to get attached.

Rule #2: Somebody needs to say something about where things are going. There is a reason you started exclusively texting/talking/communicating/hanging out. It's either you or him/her, but one of you felt something- otherwise, why would you spend HOURS devoted exclusively to the other person? I'm not talking about an assigned partner for a school project- I'm talking about you and the other person, of your free will, taking the time to learn more and more about each other.

After a while, someone needs to speak up and ask: where are we going with this?

It's not a fun question to make, because it makes people uncomfortable and brings up a few pointers, such as 1) What do you believe is the point of relationships? 2) Are you ready to be in a committed relationship with me? 3) Do you want a committed relationship with me?

But ask yourself, who do you want to fall in love with? Because yes, that's where this is all going if we follow the road long enough. Who do you want to fall in love with? Who do you want to be your best friend? Because it's easy to fall in love with someone who is always in the comfort zone. What are they like when you ask them hard questions and challenge them? Are they the same person? Find out now, not in marital counseling. Yes, that may sound a little harsh, but again what is the point of relationships? If the end goal is marriage, don't white wash his/her personality in hopes of painting a prettier picture now, because the paint may look nice, but the canvas is going to rot given enough time.

Rule #3: If it's not for sale, don't market it. A lot of times, we think of 'selling ourselves' to exclusively refer to the overexposure of the body (and in regards to girls). However, does anyone stop to think about other ways we sell ourselves? Our words. Our actions. Our demeanor.

When in the grey zone of relationships, there is a whole lot of attention to give and take- and people LOVE it. For girls and guys, having a someone who thinks enough of them to spend oodles of time devoted to just them leads to all kinds of good feelings. Next thing you know, you're trying very hard in all outlets to impress the other person and keep that attention. Their hobby, their lifestyle, their beliefs, it all becomes important to us because we like the attention and we want it to keep coming.

Do you really love fill-in-the-blank as much as you say you do? Do you really talk like that around other people, or just around him/her? Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it to keep things rolling? Don't be a false advertiser.

Rule #4: Don't be a little flirt. Ouch. Sorry if this one hurt, but I'm going to go with it and say yes- some of you out there are little flirts and you know it. Hint: flirting is all about giving and getting attention, two things that won't really help build a solid relationship (if that's what you're looking for) one lick. And if you're not looking to build a solid relationship, well, I'm sorry, but there's a word for people like you. Pickle. I kid. Not really. Okay, yes.

Flirting has it's place. I like to flirt, but I'm married and I have a lifelong flirting partner (note: the art of flirting is fun to dabble in, but you must earn it, sorry!) so there's that. If you're in the grey zone of relationships and you find yourself moaning about how you don't want to lead him/her on, you don't know what's going on, you just wish you knew where you both stood, allow me to help by asking this: are you being a flirt?

Flirting can be subtle. I don't need to go into it, because if you have half a conscious, you KNOW when you've said, written, or done something that can be construed as flirty.

Needless to say, if you hear someone (yourself included) hastily spit out, "we're just friends, you frothing idiot!" in relation to a guy and girl combo who exclusively talk/text/etc a whole lot, consider that to be a fair sign of a potential, probable, big fat lie.

I'll be honest, this was a hard one to write because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But let's be honest and cut to the chase: relationships aren't build on cheap thrills, dancing around the truth, and mirages. Relationships are built with faith, trust, and wild romance (if you know what's good for you!).

Just 'friends'? Maybe it's time to evaluate where you're at. Questions, comments, and slander welcome!