It's been a long time and not by choice! Moving 5 times in the first 4 months of marriage can do that to you! Moving 5 times and 2 out of 5 places don't have internet makes said moves even more interesting.
It's hard to believe we're really at 4 and a half months of marriage at this point. The days have flown by and I've enjoyed them all. There have been great days, there have been brainy (yes, brainy, not rainy) days, but not one day has gone by that I have regretted, been disappointed, questioned, or felt let down over what God has so graciously given us.
With that, I would like to address the question a lot of people have asked me recently. It's been worded a lot like this:
"So, is the honeymoon phase over yet?"
"Is your marriage all 'daisies' still?
"Have you found those bad habits creeping out?"
Basically, at the almost half year to year mark, it's customary for things to backslide and for all the boogey monsters to come crawling out of the closets in your marriage. I think?
And Jacob and I usually answer along these lines:
"Things are great! We still haven't fought or argued over anything and really our relationship hasn't changed at all from when we first started dating, so things are very good and we're having a lot of fun!"
And then they usually look at us like we're lying. Usually. So here are my thoughts in detail about all this along with the reasons that our relationship has stayed the same and that we aren't in a 'honeymoon phase', but that we are simply working on a solid marriage:
- We are putting in the work. Much like workouts, what you put in is what you get out. If you want a fantastic marriage, be prepared to put in a fantastic amount of work! It will be hard, often requiring sacrifice that you don't understand our might not feel fair.
- This leads me to point #2, which is don't nag, complain, or read into things. We make mountains out of mole hills because we feel slighted, cheated, or overworked compared to the other person. And yes, although communication is great, when you turn communicating your feelings into a verbal bashing of your spouse, you might as well sling a dunce cap over their head as well. No one likes being belittled, treated like an idiot, or talked to as if they are the reason for every issue.
- Be supportive, encouraging, and helpful, even when you don't feel like it, i.e. "They deserve that!" or "It's their own fault they're in that spot!". If you don't get it, imagine God saying any of the previous things to you when you find yourself in a tough place.
- Let the little things go. I guess this is partially a personality thing, but over all, ask yourself on a daily basis what is more important: that little thing that they do that bugs you or your marriage? Often, in addition, that little annoying thing they do really isn't that annoying! If they don't close the kitchen cabinets every time they go to get something, remind them nicely, but in the end, ask yourself if it's worth it. Besides, you probably do something just like it- you just don't realize it!
- Communicate lovingly and honestly, but not bluntly. Some people sugar coat everything, some people say it exactly as it is. Neither is the best choice, especially in marriage! Share what you feel and think in a respectful manner, understanding and always looking at things from the other person's perspective as well. If you still feel like you're not making headway, pray and leave it up to God.
- Last but not least, compromise willingly, cheerfully, and with a good spirit. Not much else to say about this one!
Marriage is a gift. It is a team effort. It isn't a reality TV show, it isn't a contest, it isn't a fairytale where you are the princess who gets doted on all day or the king who is waited on hand and foot.
It IS royal, however. It IS magnificent. You do get doted on all day and you do get waited on hand and foot, but just not in the ways we always expect. Marriage is all about finding out what those ways are... and glorifying God through what you've been given.
