Part Seven: Of Southern Boys, Missing Teeth, and 1 AM Confessions

"But just hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find..."
-Secondhand Serenade

Hooliganism via scan in. Win times 20.

The introduction of texting was slow. Jacob didn't have unlimited texting, but he would text me when he could. I was no longer tied to my computer in order to talk to him which was quite an invigorating feeling. It was obvious and out in the open about how I felt, but I still couldn't pin point what he felt. I thought he did like me... but maybe he was just afraid to say it. That had to be it. 

If he didn't like me, he wouldn't be talking to me this much. I was so vulnerable at this point, I didn't really care. I knew everything that was happening was all in the control of a very loving, very personal God. He wouldn't let me down. He would bring me through this. Romans 8:28 became our mantra: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

I was always open and I tried my hardest not sound desperate. I suppressed the fact that I didn't know, understand, or comprehend what was going on. At all. Ever. God was moving the emotional furniture around in the home within my heart. All the scraping and scuffing of chair legs didn't feel so wonderful. Still, I held on.

It's so hard to write back on these early October days. Jacob was busy with work and football, I was busy training to run a dojo and attempting to finish college. We talked when we could. We missed each other. Well, I missed him. 

I liked to think he was somewhere out there missing me. When I did talk to him, he was always so encouraging, so alive, so full of amazing things. Every day he was more and more the person I wanted to be with forever. I tried to fight it, but the more I fought it the more I loved him.

Simple texts from him made me smile.

Days flew by with a crazy intensity that I wish I could understand.

He seemed to get more and more adorable with each phone call, text message, or PM. Just thinking about him made me feel funny all over like I never had.

October 6th had been a bit of a crazy day. I remember my grandparents, my uncle, and my uncle's girlfriend had come over for dinner that night. Just before they came over that evening however, my phone went off. I was sitting at my dining room table talking to my dad, but I quickly checked to see who the message was from... not that I didn't know. I had sent Jacob a message the day before to wish him good luck in a football game. He was probably writing back to say how the game went.

Well. He was writing back alright, but it wasn't to tell me the score. It wasn't even to tell me hello. 

It was to tell me he had knocked one of his teeth out. Somehow, I couldn't make myself feel surprised. 

I promptly fretted over him, prayed, and went around my whole house explaining to anything with two ears (or maybe even one ear) what had happened to Jacob. I texted him back with all the anxious-not-really-your-girlfriend-but-heck-I-could-be questions. 

Are you alright?

Does it hurt?

Are you okay?

Oh my word... how did this happen?

He assured me he was okay, but he didn't write back after that. I was okay with that, I assumed he was probably in need of a lot of other things at the moment- namely a new tooth. He would text me when he could. I had gotten to a place of trusting him. I knew he wasn't going to run off anywhere.

What happened shortly thereafter will not soon be forgotten. Our guests showed up at my family's house. I assumed I would simply talk to Jacob later. About 15 minutes after grandparents and company had started talking to everyone, my phone went off. Again. I glanced at the number and realized it wasn't one of my contacts. DISCLAIMER: All week I had been receiving political calls. From a North Carolina number. To be honest, I was sick of it, and this was in my opinion the perfect time to tell these people to stop annoying me. I politely excused myself and answered the phone.

It wasn't a political call.

To the soundtrack of many hollering southern boy voices, I eventually figured out it was one of Jacob's friends. That's about all I could determine between the shrieking and shenanigans on the other side of the line. I tried to sound like I knew what was going on, but I didn't. 

More shrieking.

More hollering.

And finally, the phone made its way into the hands of a Mr. Jacob Clifton. While I was overly concerned about his dental health, he brushed off my worries and said he was just fine. His sister, Aubrey, was yelling in the background about how he looked like a hillbilly. My ears were literally melting from the inside out, so I told Jacob to say goodbye to Aubrey, this new character... Clayton someone or other, and the rest of his loud posse. I told him I would try to call again later and hung up.

Wow. Alright. I had no idea what all that was about.

I went back to join my family. My brother Tim kindly informed me about 2 minutes later than my phone was going off AGAIN. This 'Clayton' person was texting me. I texted back whatever I felt like texting back with no remorse. Actually, I was having fun being a snotty little weirdo in all my responses when I could. 

October 6th, 2012: The day I became a 'selifie' regular.
Also the  day I couldn't find  pancakes or a leotard, so this photo made it to NC instead.

When the guests left around 8:30pm that night, I scurried out into the October evening in my beautiful getup of sweatpants, t-shirt, and up-do bangs. For some reason my hair smelled extra lilac-y as I slipped under the dark yet clear canopy overhead. Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was because it was a bit cold out. However, without further ado, I lay on the driveway and dialed Clayton's number.

What commenced after I dialed Clayton's number is anyone's guess. It was a flurry of snarky comments, odd innuendoes that only football players could come up with, and me laughing whenever I couldn't understand what was happening... which was a lot. I don't know who I talked to. I don't know when I talked to who. Southern boys all sound the same when rilled up.

More yelling.

More wild happenings. I had a feeling I was being exploited in someway or another. To the sound of this chaotic hullabaloo, Clayton eventually hung up. I was a bit relieved.  Wow. Again. I groggily lay on the driveway pondering what I should do next. Naturally, I texted Jacob. Hopefully he wasn't so high on sugar by now. Goodness, a whole 5 minutes or so had passed. Hopefully things had calmed down.

From 9-11:30pm, I was up texting Clayton and Jacob like there was no end in sight. Tim stayed up with me and we had a most excellent time smirking and verbally smacking at people in one way or another. I eventually quit texting Clayton however, as I was getting tired and running out of interesting things to tell him. I had already come up with a number of unique challenges for him to complete, namely drinking a whole bottle of Advil and running around the block in boxers. Needless to say, he may or may not have done at least one of these.

As for Jacob, he and I continued on. For the first time in a while, I was talking to him without worrying about anything. I was simply having fun poking at him while he was poking fun at me. We started talking about the forums, about life, and before I knew it he changed the conversation towards me.

Goodness gracious I do suppose the forums have done me some good. Bethers. You are a blessing.

Tis no sure thing, but I'm thinking we would make a wicked couple :p

Now, I don't know what 'wicked' stands for in North Carolina slang, but in New Hampshire, 'wicked' is synonymous for awesome. My mind automatically translated the word and my heart skipped around a bit. And it was right after that I realized maybe, just maybe... I had succeeded. Maybe he liked me. Not as in he 'liked' me, but he actually, really LIKED me.

You know I'm not one for telling secrets. But I finally recognized the fact that you are getting to me when two months ago I was feeling real sick after a game. I wished that you were there to snuggle into and just sleep.

I literally stopped breathing for a minute. Did I just read what I thought I read? Was he saying that he... liked me? As in, he LIKED me? But what did he mean two months ago? That was in August! All this time and he never said anything? All this time I've been in limbo and he already knew? To be honest though, I didn't care if he said two months. He could've said 12 months. He liked me. He. Liked. Me. 

Jacob Clifton liked me. I played those words around in my head. Nothing else came even close to sounding so good. 

Sadly, I had to say goodnight. It was 1am and I was exhausted. My mind was reeling. As I sleepily texted him goodnight, he texted me something I didn't expect him to text. 

Love you kid.

I lied. Saying 'Jacob Clifton likes me' inside my head sounded good, but 'Jacob Clifton loves me' sounded even better. Three little words. Three little words that didn't even look that pretty. But for me, when I saw those three words, I thought I might die. Love? Did he say he loved me? Jacob Clifton loved me? And suddenly, I was so afraid. I wasn't good enough for Jacob Clifton to love me! There was no way! However, I brushed the thoughts aside and turned my cheek into my pillow as I crawled into bed. All that mattered right now was this: I had done it. I had gotten Jacob Clifton to fall in love with me. 

Through long nights, wild conversations, and using my heart as a dartboard, he finally admitted it.

Still, 1,017 miles kept us apart. I should've been extremely concerned. This wouldn't ever work. However, if God not only had us meet in the way we did, gave me the courage to stick with a guy who didn't even like me for so long, and now this guy was saying he loved me, then surely God had the rest of this figured out.

I was starting to realize faith sometimes can't be logical or rational. Sometimes, faith just believes.