1. Don't make a problem where there isn't one.
2. Seek out the other person's needs and wants and perspective before yours.
3. Do the right thing, the right way.
I've been asked by a lot of people in the past few months (okay, since I got engaged) about how I was planning the wedding, what I would be doing for decorating, where the wedding would be held, what kind of dress I'd be wearing, on and on and on.
Let's face it. Weddings (and the planning behind it) have become a HUGE part of getting married. Maybe more than they used to be, maybe not. Either way, there is a very big focus on what and how and how much you spend and where and why and why not when it comes to wedding planning. What your wedding looks like is a representation of YOU, right? And it's the start to your future. It's the sign to everyone that you're joining together with your best friend.
It should be done right.
What surprised me was in hearing from a woman who, said in so many words, that her wedding was all this time, and work, and effort... but
that when it came to the day after the wedding and beginning life together, she couldn't help but wonder... is this it? Well. This is boring.
Maybe it's a culture thing. Weddings have to be HUGE in one way or another. Videographers, photographers, cakes, dresses, bouquets, a soundtrack to remember, a first dance, programs, invitations, bridesmaids gifts, matching outfits, flower petals, etc etc etc. There are SO many details, and you put SO many hours into this day.
Why? Because this is the BIG day. You want it to be perfect. And it should be. But aren't we forgetting something? Aren't we putting things in backwards order a little bit?
Shouldn't we put our focus on making our future marriage perfect over making the wedding perfect?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should makes sandwiches and get married in a sundress in a field. Well. If you want to, do it, but you know what I mean. I'm also not saying you should shoot down having fun in planning a wedding and instead sit in a dark corner and do nothing but read your Bible.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
Plan a wedding. Make it you. Make it fun. Make it wild. But your wedding should NOT be more glorious than the life you plan for afterwards.
You wouldn't pick out bridesmaids' dresses more elegant and glorious than the bride's dress. You shouldn't use up all the best and most wonderful of your budget, emotions, intelligence, etc, for the day of the wedding, only to realize you've got to work from almost ground zero for your starting lives together.
I hear a lot of 'I wish we had focused more on this' or 'I didn't realize how selfish I was until we were married', or even, in the words of that one lady, 'life after the wedding felt like a let down!'.
Why is this? Where is the focus?
I'm not trying to point fingers. I'm simply trying to figure things out from what I know.
I've promised Jacob to make our marriage perfect- not in the true, literal sense of the word, because that is impossible.
However, when I set a standard to reach for, when I tell myself that God designed us to glorify him in all we do, that is what I want to plan for. I want October 14th to be even better than the day of the wedding. I want every moment afterwards to be a reminder that God comes first, that marriage is to bring him glory through our words, thoughts, actions, and prayers.
Planning starts now. Truthfully, planning started since I met Jacob. Not in a huge, obvious way, but in small ways. Every time I interacted with Jacob, I tried to analyze my words and actions. Did I respond correctly? Is this a time to do more and encourage him in a bigger way?
Because really, if you think about it, marriage shouldn't be a huge transition. Yes, things will definitely change in your relationship. But the basics? Being kind, respectful, considerate, having a
consciousness of the other person, putting the other person first, waiting, sharing, and being patient... aren't these things we can practice now?
Shouldn't these be things we've been practicing since we made intentions in our relationship?
And in the end, it comes down to trust. It comes down to looking to God and admitting, "I can't do this alone. I'm a sinner, I'm incapable, but I want to glorify you by making this marriage something that will lead others to you and inspire others to glorify you, too."
Intentions. I'm not saying this is easy, this is always fun, or this is as pretty as a well done up blog (you can imagine mine, if you'd like. I think my blog is very well done. Ahem).
And yes, I'm sure there are just married people, long time married people, and in between married people that are shaking their heads at my stupid naive ramblings. I'm not married. I don't see the obvious. Marriage is something new and I have not the slightest idea what I am babbling about.
Maybe not. But I repeat.
I'm bringing this to God. I can't do this alone. I'm a sinner, I'm incapable, but I want to glorify Him by making this marriage different. How so? I don't know exactly. But I do know what is said of love in the Bible, how we are told to treat one another- and in marriage shouldn't this apply the most?
I seek to honor God in my wedding (and wedding planning), but if I have to place my focus on wedding planning or planning for a marriage that is honoring and blessed by God, I will seek the second with my whole heart.
Lucky for me, I still get my paper lanterns. Like I said- it's not one or the other. But I want to avoid a crash and burn from fairytale wedding to immediately battling through rough edges in my marriage in areas such as selfishness, patience, sharing, figuring things out together, etc.
The fairytale should begin AFTER you say 'I do', not end as soon as you utter those words.
God made marriage to be a representation: a holy, beautiful, representation of Him.
Don't settle for making JUST your wedding day dynamic. Make your entire life a fantastic, wild, up and down hill adventure of the dynamic duo, of the new classics, of you and your best friend.
