I've dreamed of making a difference. I've prayed that God would use me in a mighty way. I've considered all the means by which I could be a game changer. Don't we all want to be special and look back on our lives to realize we were important? That we would be heroes on any given scale?
Maybe it's just me. But I'd like to think there is at least one other soul out there who feels the same.
In that case, let's talk about impossible. Let's talk about our plans and God's plans. Let's talk about different.
I DREAD being the same as everyone else. I dread it like little kids might dread day old oatmeal (unless you were me as a little kid. I kinda liked it. And I was proud of it too, because it made me different. See? I'm a weirdo).
I don't want to be different as in I feel the need to express myself in the way I dress/talk/act to get attention. I want to be different for the better. Well. Apart from the oatmeal illustration.
NOTE: I do not say this to shame or slam the way anyone is doing anything. Doing things the same as everyone else is just fine in most circumstances. Take brushing your teeth. Teeth are good. Brushing them is better. But how you brush them? Alright alright... you get what I'm saying. Maybe.
But don't we all want to be doing things for the better? Of course. But sometimes, if it involves doing something DRASTICALLY, unexpectedly different, our feeble grey matter turns a little more grey and all we can say is, 'um', or occasionally 'um uh'.
Why? Because suddenly doing something different for the better becomes uncomfortable, scary, and NOT what we wanted. Furthermore, we get so caught up in how nasty our current circumstances are, that we forget about 'being different', 'making a change', and all those other things, because all we can see in front of us is a pile of garbage. You feel like shouting at God to remind him that you wanted to make a difference, that you wanted to do good in the world- not dig tunnels in trash.
Let me make something clear, as far as I understand it:
1. If you want impossible things to happen, expect impossible things to happen.
2. Sometimes you DO become a game changer, you just never notice until you were in it.
3. Sometimes, impossible is not what you think it is.
4. Lastly, how do you want to remember these circumstances?
In my case, I never in a million years dreamed of teaching martial arts to kids, doing college through self study at home, meeting a boy in North Carolina through said college studying, flying out to meet said boy sight unseen, crying in a dojo because of said boy, juggling a long distance relationship while maintaining one of America's most unusual jobs, eventually marrying North Carolina boy at 21 years old, continuing to teach martial arts via Skype, continuing to teach martial arts in a program I started in North Carolina, and most of all, I never expected to be okay with all the little bits and pieces that felt like they were tearing me apart during such events.
I was a field hockey player. I had a scholarship to play DII field hockey. And somehow, I thought that I was achieving the impossible- a homeschool student who started playing in 8th grade with no friends, on a team that never won, would get to play field hockey at the collegiate level.
And just like that, God said no. Despite scholarships and the college cutting corners, I wouldn't be able to afford to go. I was devastated. For years and years, I had been praying for God to use me in a big way. Just when I thought he was, the carpet was pulled out from under me. Why?
Because I had no idea what impossible was. Because impossible would find me at a different time, when I wouldn't even think what I was doing was impossible or special at all.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: if you want to make a difference, pray. Pray that God will use you to be different for the better and then expect all sorts of things to happen. Notice I didn't say exciting, wonderful, AMAZING things. I just said things. And regardless of what they are, praise Him and be positive.
Good or bad, make the most of your circumstances. Look back on them and know you did your best. Remember that God's plans are always better than ours. Turns out for me, being a martial arts instructor and best friend to a football player who is a mathematical maniac was a better plan than collegiate field hockey. Who knew? Certainly not me!
I know not everyone shares my beliefs when it comes to faith in God. But if you take nothing else away from this, take this: do not let your circumstances determine your state of mind. Believe in impossible, different for the better, and game changing.
I believe in God and I hold my faith close. The road I'm on may get bumpy, it may seem impossible... but that's when I see my God to impossible things to get me through and show me how much I am worth.
"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."
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