Part Thirty One: After The Wedding Bells

Don't you just hate an itch you can't scratch. Or a bug bite. That doesn't sound as poetic.

It's been a long time and life has been so busy, but I've felt the need to pick up the virtual pen. To be honest, I felt that I had written everything worth writing. But man, isn't that like watching a movie end and never knowing what happens? Where is the sequel that let's you know things stayed happily ever after? ... or let's you know what new adventures lay in wait?

So here we go. The continuing story. About 99% of the world will never care, but for you dear reader, should you stumble upon this little corner of reality and find you'd like to stay, I'm about to continue the most divine story my heart could never dream of imagining.

Let's see. How do I jump back in?

Ah yes... bright and burning October, 2014. We just returned from our honeymoon in the The Berkshires (not the Shire. That's a different place entirely). Here was the plan: we would house-sit from some friends in Wolfeboro, NH (and at the same time have free temporary living quarters) for two weeks. Then we would travel to NC to another temporary home until January 2015, at which point we would head to Arizona for Jacob's job training as a Edward Jones advisor. We would stay in Arizona for 6 months before returning home to NH to set up base. I would continue teaching martial arts and Jacob would get to work on financial work.

The drive to our temporary home in Wofeboro was terrifying. It was late at night by the time we made our way to the Wolfeboro house, as we had driven straight from the Berkshires to my parents' house earlier that day.

It was cold. I was tired. And nothing is as dissatisfying as going to a strange house when you are cold and tired. We unpacked what we needed and went inside.

Maybe it was because it was dark and windy. Maybe it was because this house was tucked in the woods away from the main road. But I promise you. I felt like we just walked into a haunted house.

Our bedroom was on the third floor, tucked up in a loft room of sorts. There were lots of pine bugs. Jacob had to go on the war path constantly. 

There was old wallpaper and wood everywhere. It was a post and beam house, so I didn't expect anything different. It was just very quaint in the day spooky in the night. 

There was a dog named Daisy. She was older, golden, and all over the place. She also escaped from the house and jumped in the backyard pond on our first full day. We had to keep her on the back porch for a few hours to dry her off because wet, pond-y dogs don't smell so great.

Attached to the house was a smaller, add on unit. The people we house sat for had this unit built on for their father/grandfather as he was older (and his mind wasn't as strong as had been). We had been instructed to keep an eye on him, so our door was always unlocked. This was both benevolent and terrifying, because at any moment he might pop on in for a visit.

The basement. It was a no fly zone. We heard some creepy noises down there more than once. Basically, if the lights were off, we dare not go anywhere downstairs because we were sure we would die from zombies and/or ghosts.

All this to say, let me not steer you to thinking we were ungrateful! But it was all so strange and different and alone. Jacob and I were a single unit, away from our families. It was marvelous and sad at the same time. It felt weird to be away from them all, especially in such a foreign place.

However, we had some sweet times. I wasn't working. Jacob wasn't working because we hadn't gotten to NC yet. We were poor as dirt, so there were a lot of meals consisting of boiled cabbage, tortilla chips and melted cheese, spinach, beans, rice.... all the cheap foods. We watched movies in bed, took walks under the foliage canopies, worked out in the backyard, and pondered our future. It was a lot of time to think and wonder. 

We had no clue what would happen. We believed God was in control. But that feeling of being on the brink... of not knowing... it was something we knew all too well. At the same time, we still felt ready for certainty. 

When those two weeks were up, we were ready to go to NC. Jacob was ready to start his temporary job working tree servicing with a family friend. I was going to keep working small time for BTB doing some minor Facebook advertising and teaching a fitness class once a week from Skype. It wasn't much, but we had each other and we were ready to fight  to make something of ourselves.


I remember packing up our stuff (it barely fit) into the back of my little red 2000 Toyota Echo. We drove from Wolfeboro to my parent's house around 1:30pm. Saying goodbye to my family was more surreal than anything. I wouldn't see them for a good year, maybe more. But my mind and soul were so full of adrenaline and forward motion. I was 21 years old and everything was on the fast track.

We drove straight through the night and didn't get to NC until 5am. We considered stopping and spending the night somewhere to break up the driving, but we didn't want to spend the money on a motel. Jacob was beyond chivalrous in driving the whole way. You read correctly. He drove all 1,017 miles. He wouldn't let me drive once. It was honestly something I was grateful for and am still grateful for to this day.

I remember trying to distract ourselves throughout the long drive. I remember being so afraid Jacob would fall asleep at the wheel (when really I was the one who was falling asleep!). When we finally arrived at Jacob's parents' house, we were so tired. Exhausted might be a better word! 

It was cold and dark, but it was morning. It was a new day and we were onto phase two of the journey! Just like that, our wedding was over. Our honeymoon was over. Our time in NH was over. 

Here we were in Mills River, North Carolina. At 5am. In the dark. 

There was an air mattress set up in the family room downstairs. Jacob's mom had decorated everything so beautifully for our arrival, but the my focus was on the fact that March 7th, 2013,  I danced with Jacob Clifton for the very first time in this same room. Now we got to snuggle up and fall fast asleep in that room.

The next morning felt so weird. We were married. I hadn't seen any of Jacob's family since the wedding. And now we were married. Ew. That sounded weird. 

Aubrey was the first person we saw. We jumped on her bed to wake her up. Not sure why this sticks in my memory, but it does.

We jumped right back into the action that day. Jacob's parents had planned a reception of sorts for all of the North Carolina people that weren't able to make it to the wedding. 

I put my wedding dress back on, Jacob got suited up, and we greeted everyone. In about 30 minute we had changed into athletic clothes and started a football game in the backyard. Sigh. We don't make the best adults.

After the party came the part I dreaded. Moving. Again. All the guests had gone home. It had started to snow, even though it was only October 31st! We hopped in the car only to realize... we had a flat tire. The flattest. It looked like a smushed doughnut.

In the snow, in my athletic shorts, I helped Jacob move all our stuff to the Ironvan (aka grey Clifton van that Jacob drove around back before we were married). We FINALLY packed up and headed to our new home. 

Once again, I felt so worn thin at the thought of another 'home'. Family friends of the Cliftons owned rental vacation properties, one of which they graciously were allowing us to use. No one vacations in Hendersonville in November, so it worked out well. Extra income for them, somewhere to live for us.

They said it was a cabin. It was kind of a cabin. It was very wood on the inside. A little run down on the outside. Lots of wood on the inside. Did I mention that?

We got what we needed and went inside. It was COLD IN THERE. There was a space heater, but I'm not really sure that there was any other source of heat in that building.

We didn't have a sponge. I'm pretty sure that was it. Jacob had to drive back to his parents' house to get something we forget. Pretty sure it was a sponge. Or toothpaste. Either way.

I remember being so proud and excited to have a home of our own. Not a a house sitting home. A real home. Our home. Sure, it had furniture that didn't belong to us. We wouldn't live here for long. But it was our home.

As we crawled into that new, strange bed with the new, strange blankets, I couldn't help but wonder what was happening with my life. Just 5 seconds ago, I got married. Somehow, the time slipped by and we were making our new life in North Carolina... a stepping stone to an even more beautiful new life that we couldn't yet picture.

Everything was changing and I couldn't hold onto anything but Jacob and Jesus. And I held on tighter than I've held onto anything in my life.

5 Things to Watch Out For When You Start Dating

...or courting. Or seeing someone. Or 'we're just friend-ing' with someone. Please don't use that term though. Please.

Regardless, here I am, well versed in the marriage/dating/relationship scene (almost 3 years of marriage counts for something right?). In fact, I like to think I'm in the perfect position to say what I'm going to say!

I've been married long enough to know what's up. I've also NOT being married long enough to know what's up. How's that for logic? And know what's up about what, you say?

...what to watch out for when you start dating someone.

Roll credits!

Just kidding. This is an important topic to me, because many of the relationship issues couples run into once they are married could have been avoided during the dating process.

This is not to say you can avoid ALL dangers pre-marriage! However, many of the signs/problems in dating can be excellent and telling signals of what is to come if you continue down the path without paying attention.

Let me give an example using my two favorite examples! Jacob and Beth, a couple months into dating:

Jacob: Hey, what do you think about spending money?

Beth: Um, you don't spend money. You save it. In fact, I eat nothing but rice every day to save money in case of emergencies. Why, what do you think about it?

Jacob: I like to make it rain.

Beth: Hm, this might not bode well.

Conversations like this might very well save someone from a weak or frustrating marriage. Let's get talking about the red flags to watch out for when dating someone.


1. Disagreements on Children

Nobody wants to talk about kids after having just met someone. At least I didn't. It's weird. And you've only known this person for a short time... say, maybe a month or two. And now you have to go up and be all like, 'hey, would we have 3 kids or 5 kids? Or no kids?'.

Don't worry! The conversation doesn't need to go like that! However, once you are comfortable and it's been a respectable amount of time (this really depends on you... but if you've been dating a YEAR and are quite serious and haven't brought this up, it might be a problem!), bring up the subject.

Not as in how many kids would WE have, but just ask them what they think about kids.

Do they want any? Do they even like kids? Would they homeschool them? Would they be free spirited parents? In might seem weird and uncomfortable, but you know what is really uncomfortable? Parenting with someone who is on a completely different page and/or begrudging because they didn't even want kids. Or, YOU didn't want kids, and now you have 20 of them. Could be a small problem!

2. Total Differences in Finances

...or minor differences in finances, depending on how picky you are! When I say differences, I mean really two separate things: differences in financial status and differences in financial spending.

Financial status change can be devastating to some people. To go from living in a well to do, upperclass family to suddenly being married and eating black beans for 3 square meals a day in a 2 room apartment can make someone go mental. Or, it could mean absolutely nothing, as long as said person is married and with their spouse, they won't care. It's all different for everyone.

However, it's important to bring up or at least observe in the person you are dating.

Secondly, pay attention to the way you and the person you are dating spend money (see my example with Jacob and Beth above ;)). If one of you spends a paycheck the second it come in, while the other waits, hordes, and saves everything ALL THE TIME, you might run into some spats down the road.

Money isn't everything, but you do need it, and everyone has a different opinion. Make sure the person you are dating doesn't have a completely different outlook as that could spell trouble for the future!

3. Lifestyles and Beliefs

You're an atheist. You decide to fall in love with a Catholic. Hm.

This is an extreme example, but the point stands- check out what lifestyle/beliefs the other person has going on. Don't be weird about it, but figure it out now rather than later.

If you're a strict vegan, can you handle living with someone who likes eating burgers every other day? If you're a peace loving, nature advocate who loves quiet serenity, how will you handle your spouse wanting to go shooting every weekend or playing loud, violent video games every night? Big government vs. small government? Messy vs. clean? Stays home all the time vs. has to constantly be on adventures? You get the idea!

Of course, the most important belief to touch base on would be, in my opinion, religious beliefs. Even if you are both 'Christian', dive into that. Modesty, church going, Bible translations, traditions, etc, all fall into this category and can be a HUGE method of bonding or breaking a relationship down the road.

4. Patience and a Spirit of Serving

Remember, the ultimate goal of dating someone is to find not simply someone you like, but someone who will make you stronger, better, and better able to glorify God each and every day. In addition, you are looking for someone that YOU can make stronger, better, and better able to glorify God each and every day. Two characteristics to look for, regardless of personality, are patience and a willingness to serve.

We all mess up. A lot. You want someone who is willing to be patient when you have those slip ups. Be patient with them too, as they will also mess up!

Marriages are built on patience. I've not been married that long, but I know well enough that patience in one of those things that when you don't deserve it is when your partner really needs to show it.

Ask yourself if the person you are dating is willing to be patient with you (you might already know based on experience!). Ask yourself if you can be patient with them!

Note: Patience does not translate to 'tolerance of everything'. Patience is the 'capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset'. It does not mean 'accept all wrong doing from your partner as the law'.

Patience should be a part of continuing to better each other- not to stay stagnant in the issues you both are working through!

As for a spirit of serving, I have seen first hand how marvelous it is to be married to someone who shows their love through their actions- not just to me personally, but in everything they do.

Jacob is constantly thinking of others first at work, he does so many things to make my life easier/happier, often with no reward in it for himself other than he knows it is right, he knows is makes me happy, and he knows it is helpful to others. This does not mean Jacob does nothing but help people! He does plenty of things just for him! However, beneath it all, I know he would drop everything to help and serve if/when needed.

Not only is a spirit of serving a marvelous quality to have in your partner, when they emulate service, it is super inspiring for you to be better, too!

5. There is No 'I' in Team

But there is ME. Hardy har. I know. The point is, make sure your special someone will be a team player. Getting married means you guys are in it together. Everything. All the things I've already mentioned and more.

But sometimes, people have completely different ideas of what 'being in it together' means. Some people think that means waking up at the same time and going to bed at the same time every day, with every free moment spent together, doing everything together, ALWAYS.

Others might think it means eating dinner together, spending time on the weekends doing things together, and the rest of the time is spend on individual pursuits.

Neither one is wrong necessarily, but if you go into a relationship expecting someday to get married and live a very specific way only to find out things won't be that way at all, it can be a real downer for your marriage.

Get a good idea of what your teamwork would look like if you were married. Envision it. Again, it's not weird- because if you really like this person and are potentially going to marry them, better to find out what the deal is ahead of time!

Conclusion

You'll never be able to foresee everything. Hey, you could think you have everything figured out, you get married, and them BAM. Something happens that you could never have predicted.

Remind yourself of this: marriage is a proving ground for character, it is a cleanse that exposes sides of you (and the other person!) you never expected sometimes (for better or worse!), and it is an adventure that you will both want and NEED someone to be on the same page as you when it comes to the big stuff... not simply because it will makes your life a fairy tale, but because, again, marriage is about making you and your spouse better and better able to glorify God.

I can hear the cries of 'I knew they were the one for me, but then we got married and things fell apart! I made absolutely sure and things didn't work out!'. Or even, 'dating is supposed to be fun! Why would I ruin it with all this talk about commitment and marriage stuff?'.

You know what's really fun? A fulfilling marriage. An insightful dating process = a fulfilling marriage. It can also be way more fun, exciting, and meaningful when you take the time to make sure your marriage is built solidly!

I'm not God. Neither are you. We can't predict the future and we can't ensure a perfect, blissful marriage.

However, we owe it to God and to our future spouse (if you do get married!) to ask the hard questions early and set yourself up for success as best you can, while the consequences are still small.

You'll thank yourself, too!

5 Weird Habits of Happily Married Hooligans

Well guess who it is.

I have a staggering amount of regret that I only write up posts every few months. But, I am grateful for what time I am granted for all the different hobbies and jobs I get to do- so let's move on ;)

"Hey Jacob," I mentioned the other day, "isn't it weird that 80% of the people who gave us strange looks and told us that we were getting married young and getting married too fast are either now no longer in a relationship, on their 3rd relationship, or still not happy in their relationship?"

It got me to thinking: why are we still happy and jiving in our marriage?

Is it because 2 years is still 'newlywed phase'?

Is it because we have a lot of money? No kids? Is it because we shut up and put up with stuff?

Have no fear. I'm hear to answer the 5 habits that make for happy marriage.

#1: Sacrifice for each other.

Nope. Not in the Old Testament meaning of the word 'sacrifice'. I mean think about the other person first. You both got invited to a party. Your spouse is sick. Stay home and take care of them, hang out with them, and make then feel better! Or maybe, it's simply always washing the dishes, even though they never wash the dishes. Or vacuum. Or do the laundry. WHATEVER. This is not a business agreement. This is teamwork.

NOW YES I KNOW. Someone is out there harping on the fact that well, if you do everything, they'll do nothing and that's not fair.

I say either 1)You should have paid a little better attention during the dating/courting process if this was going to be such a clincher, or 2)If you really love them, you won't mind doing these things AND you will stop whining about what you have to do and look around to see what things your spouse is doing for you! Sometimes we get so caught up in the Entitlement Game that we miss all the things someone else does for us.

#2: Don't Make Happiness Reliant on Income

If this was the case, our marriage would have been preeeetty miserable for the first year and a half. For some people, our marriage would still be considered misery worthy! Money is helpful, but if you make your happiness rely on how fancy your dates are, how nice your home is, or how cool your cable package is, you will not be as happy as you think.

Hint: You'll be less happy.

Be grateful for what you have, make plans together to save for what you need and want accordingly, and make your happiness reliant on the person you are with, not the things you can buy. This one can be hard to do!

#3: Spend Time Together. 

WHAT?! How is this on the list??? Crazy, but sometimes being married means you don't spend much time together. Be it work, kids, or even simply developing different hobbies that send you off in different directions, save time to be together. You married this person and they are now part of your essence (sorry if that sounds dramatic but!).

Find a hobby you both enjoy together. Save specific times of the week to be with each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but longer bouts of absence can sometimes make the heart forget.

#4: Don't Be Friends.

Wha. Yep, you heard me. I tire so very much of people that tell me after 5-10 years of marriage, you become 'friends'. You have kids, life is busy, and your combined life is more of a business partnership than the giddy and exciting romance you had when you were dating or first got married.

I'm not saying let everything go to you-know-where in a you-know-what (rhymes with 'tasket'), but for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, please be wild and romance crazy, kiss each other in the grocery store, write each other stupid notes, smack each other on the butt, I don't care.

Please don't become 'friends'. Don't friend zone your marriage. It saddens me so much to see people who were wild about each other now treat every day like a 9-5 shift with co-worker Bart (if you are married to a Bart, please don't treat him like a coworker, despite this example).

#5: Make Room for Jesus.

...and not the way you had to before you were married.

Please note: I didn't say make room for church. I said make room for JESUS. Pray together, for each other, and pray for your relationship. Did you think you were doing so well because you are just that awesome? Well, you might be awesome, but God does play a big role in a lot of stuff, so. Ahem.

Keep your marriage and happiness in line with glorifying God. Times can get very hard. However! Remember why you both are here: to enjoy God and glorify him forever. Make your marriage a big part of how you glorify God by being content, happy, and productive!


So there you have it.

Marriage isn't complicated. People are complicated. And selfish. And stubborn. And sinners. That's what makes marriage seem like a challenge.

Would you add anything to this list?

What Marriage Means (Satire Ahead!)

WARNING. I'm going to hurt some people's feelings in this post. I can feel it.

Jacob and I just recently celebrated our SECOND wedding anniversary. Crazy! Some days it feels like it's dragged on, some days I can't fathom how 2 years have gone by so fast.

When I first started this blog, my more touchy articles regarding marriage and relationships were enjoyed but often mocked due to the fact that I was engaged, but NOT married. I was discussing how marriage should work with no experience behind my wild ideas and thought processes.

I'm so glad 2 years have gone by so I can now say I have a little more experience in the field. I take this small (but still hefty) marriage experience to bring you a list. People love lists. WARNING. Satire ahead.

WHAT MARRIAGE MEANS:

-Marriage means you can lose your temper over utterly ridiculous things because regardless of how absurd or psychotic your outbursts, your spouse MUST forgive you because you are married. If they don't, you can always get a divorce.

-Marriage means gaining weight. Weight loss and 'getting jacked' is for the wedding. From there, you are free as a bird. You are expected to have a few bouts with Crossfit, P90X, and spin class before taking a few months off. You don't have to worry about keeping up appearances- your spouse is stuck with you for life, right?

-Marriage means making marriage jokes. You know. The ones like, "Oh I can't do that anymore. I'm married. *sigh*". Or maybe, "Just wait until you're married. You'll find out he's a slob. That's what happened to me. HAHA." My favorite (kidding) are the jokes regarding intimacy (or the lack there of) in marriage due to kids, school, work, schedules, too tired, too busy, not interested, I'm mad at you, leave me alone, etc etc. The mockery the social media world has made of married intimacy leaves no doubt as to why so many people have issues.

-Marriage means complaining about your spouse is funny. No, it really is. Take to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc, and make sure people know how annoying it is when he/she does X, Y, or Z. It's on Facebook, so it's okay! Just make sure you do a nice picture later with some song lyrics as a caption and all potential hard feelings are off.

-Marriage means fighting should be on the regular. Agree to disagree! You should disagree on everything and you shouldn't budge an inch if you REALLY think you are right. Because you have to be right all the time... right?

-Marriage is belittling your spouse if they mess up. They leave the kitchen cabinets open? HEAVEN FORBID. Belittle them! Treat them like an incompetent 5 year old. Rub it in their face. Tell all your friends when you see them. Laugh about it. Laugh at them. They deserve it for being so stupid!

I could go on, but I'm sure I've said enough for now. As you can guess, the previously mentioned points are far from the truth. My favorite from this list is and always will be the topic of fighting in marriage. All leading up to our wedding, people told me it was going to happen.

"It's nice that you think you won't fight, but it will happen, just wait," they'd say. "One day he'll do something or you'll do something and somebody will lose it."

...well. It's 2 years later. No fights. None. I'm dead serious. Sure, we've grown frustrated. We've had tense moments. But no fighting. No name calling. No slinging of blame. Take the other day for example:

(Phone rings)

Me: Jacob, it's the Dentist. They said you scheduled an appointment for tomorrow morning at 9am. You don't need an appointment. 

Jacob: Oh. Can you cancel it?

Me: Are you sure you scheduled it? I don't want them to charge us for canceling at the last minute.

Jacob: I don't remember. Can you just cancel it?

Me: Can you talk to them?

Jacob: All you have to do is tell them you want to cancel it.

Me: (getting frustrated and slightly worried about being charged for nothing) ...okay... I don't really know how to say that. Okay. I hope they don't charge us.

Me: (to the receptionist on the phone) Hey, we had a team miscommunication over here. Can we cancel that appointment? (holds breath and waits to hear about cancellation fee) We can? Oh. Okay. Thank you! (breathe a 'no fee' sigh of relief)

I will be honest. I was annoyed at Jacob because he should have gotten on the phone, he shouldn't have scheduled that appointment, and he was going to cost us for something we didn't even need!

But, I did my best to let the frustration dissipate and solved the problem (which turned out to not be a big deal, like most marriage 'potential fight' topics). No name calling. No sarcastic rudeness. No blaming. 

Did I want to blame Jacob? Yup. But there was no point or need for that. Fighting about it would have improved the situation by 0%, believe it or not!

For married people, yes. I know. I'm not that experienced. I'm just saying the hard truth.

For none married people. Think carefully before you get married. Find the person you can love, but not just the hugs and kisses type of love you are currently thinking of constantly.

Find the person you can love enough to let them mess up, to let them be wrong (or right!), to let them be different from you (whether that's leaving their dishes on the counter or not picking up their laundry).

In marriage, they are you. You are them.

Until next time!

-The Cliftons

What Happened to the Cliftons?

Last blog post was in February.

Woops.

It just so happens that I do not look at this as a bad thing! Rather, I'm glad my life has been so full and busy that I haven't been writing.

Better to live it than write it, correct?

So I know that the masses are dying to hear what has become of us: the CollegePlus (I'm not sure if I can call it that much longer, with the upcoming rebranding and all) couple that was wacky, off the beaten path, and generally enflamed 90% of those they came in contact with, especially in the region of the pancreas.

Here we go.

What are you doing for work?
Both Jacob and I are still happily working at Beyond the Belt. I'm the head instructor at the Laconia location, and Jacob has done a brilliant job building up our new school in Center Harbor. At 53 students right now, he is looking to get the school to 60 before long :)

We have a busy but wonderful schedule and I'm very grateful for all the time I get to spend with him!

Where do you live?
Jacob and I live in Laconia, not far from the Laconia Beyond the Belt. This is very convenient indeed :) We have a nice condo which is inhabited by us, our cat Sashi, and all our dumbbells and food... more or less.

I am grateful that God has given us a space that is big enough to host Jacob's family (in small doses!) when they come to visit!


What's on the menu?
Oh man. Life has changed so much in the grocery department and I am so grateful. The first months of being married included a $65-$70 a week food budget... that may seem big for 2 people, but with Jacob's metabolism and our desire to buy real food, it adds up.

Thanks to God's provision and a little bit of hard work, we are beyond that now! We still don't go out to eat or splurge on food items, but I can now surprise Jacob with a container of ice cream now and again in addition to the normal food budget. Win :)

Generally, we buy the basics: whole foods with basic seasonings. Lots of protein and vegetables, but also lots of good carbs (mostly for Jacob!).

What do you do in your free time?
Working out is a hobby for me (I don't know that Jacob would say the same for him!), but football, playing games, cooking, cleaning, working (We're always working at least a little... small business probs!), watching movies, discussing things, and of COURSE, snuggling. Sorry. I said it.


What's your week like?
Our week is crazy! However, we get to spend a lot of time together, which is a huge blessing. Thank you Lord!

Sunday: Sleep in, eat together, listen to sermons/Bible reading, relaxing time, football in the afternoon and maybe a movie at night!

Monday: Working 8-2 give or take a little, workout, showering and eating, then back to work 3-7:30ish

Tuesday: Training in the AM, workout, lunch together while working at home, work 3-8

Wednesday: Working 8-10, workout, lunch together while working at home, work 3-8, grocery shopping after work!

Thursday: Chiropractor, training in the AM, workout, lunch together while working at home, work 3-8

Friday: Morning private training sessions til 9am, business meeting right after til 11ish, workout, cleaning and lunch with Jacob, down time/hang out time if all my work is done until we leave for afternoon classes at 3:45-4pm about. Classes until 6:15pm and then football game afterwards!

Saturday: Up early for K-Box class, workout, cleaning the dojo before and after, home at 9:30-10am for more cleaning at home and laundry! Then any additional work and weekend time!

Any big exciting news?
Things are exciting in that they are busy, fun, and rewarding. I honestly have had more excitement in watching our life together unfold than in anything we have accomplished, together or as individuals.

The most exciting thing for me is that we are coming up on 2 years of marriage and we still have not had one fight. I remember so many people making fun of us about this point of interest. Everyone said it would happen. Nope. Not for us!

And there you have it!

The Cliftons of 2014 are the Cliftons of 2016... and I can't believe it. I love our little family. I love our parents and siblings. I love our job! And at the end of the day, I hope my biggest regret boils down to not having done enough to help others, rather than what we regret over what we do not own, what we can't afford, etc.

Learning to live with simplicity is relative. God is God (how's that for a statement?).

I hope everyone else is well on this happy Sunday!

The LOVELY 'Do-It-All' Woman

Culture says to do it all.

All of it. Constantly. Do it 24/7 and post about it on Facebook, too! This idea is particularly prevalent when it comes to women.

If you are not in a career, working out, volunteering, blogging, active on social media, raising meticulously delicious children, keeping a clean house, styling outrageously fashionable hair, participating in community events, handling finances well, AND staying emotionally stable... well by golly, something must be wrong with you!

Let me make a few points clear right from the get go. 

1. I believe there is nothing wrong with women working.

2. I believe there is nothing wrong with women staying home and having kids (and subsequently not holding an official job).

Sometimes, discussing this topic can lead readers to believe the writer is for or against one or the other to a certain degree, so I figured I should clear the air on that one :) 

Now, back to what I was saying!

THE MOTHER

Culture paints a very demeaning portrait of the woman who stays at home with the kids. Culture says this woman is not contributing to the income of the household, that she is 'wasting', that she is not making a name for herself.

Correction: this women is raising the next generation of human beings. She is raising human beings to love God, work hard, and help others. Truly, there is no profession more noble (or difficult!) than that of bringing up children and turning them in to responsible, God fearing adults. This woman shapes the world.

However, that being said, I also will say this: I believe women should not feel disgraced or less for not having children, either by choice or design. As I said, raising children is noble, but the lack of children is not evil.

THE HOMEMAKER

They say home is where the heart is, but it takes a special person to make a house (or apartment) a home! Let's face it. The majority of men would be living out of bleak and barely decorated housing with bleak and barely seasoned food if it were not for the ladies. KEEP IN MIND I SAID THE MAJORITY. Men are perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning and decorating, but women are more natural in this area by a majority.

Culture tells us that homes should be immaculate, well decorated, fashionably styled, and clean. But I ask you: how the heck can you run and maintain a home of such nature when you are running around like the apocalypse is on your heels due to work scheduling, children, weekly duties, etc?

Allow me to say this: being busy is a popular thing. It's cool these days. But I beg the woman of today to consider that maybe it is worth stepping back, if at all possible, to ensure the cleanliness and overall completeness of a home.

THE PROFESSIONAL

The working woman! From a personal stance, I find no fault in the working woman, following these conditions:

1. If she is married, her job does not consume her to the point of corroding her marriage relationship and her ability to take care of her husband and home.

2. It does not emotionally drain her to the point of lashing out irrationally at those around her.

3. The job is Biblical and does not force her to act in a way that goes against her beliefs.

Culture says have kids- and get a job, too! Because you are NOT successful and contributing if you do not hold a job and raise kids to boot. 

Granted, some women are placed in circumstances that leave them faced to raise children and hold a job- be it they are single moms or the family income is not quite enough to fully support the family. If it is decided best for the woman to hold a job (for however long need be), so be it. 

My main point being this: no woman should feel lessened for not being a human circus in terms of raising kids and holding a career/job.

THE ATHLETE

Anyone who knows me can say with great honesty that I firmly believe in staying active and healthy. It's refreshing, it's calming, it's good for you! However, culture puts up a very bitter stance when it comes to fitness and health. Be yourself and be beautiful the way you are... but also work your butt off every day and get in shape and get 6 PACK ABS, DOGONIT.

I say go for it. If you want to get in shape. Do it. My personal motto is, if you want to do it, find a way.

That being said, the way our culture goes out to 'just do it', usually leaves the family in shambles in one way or another. Because women are working so much, this leave work out times either very early or very late. 

This, in turn, means that the kiddos get the bus or some other treatment, because mom is working out and doesn't have time for that. Or, kids get home from school (or dropped off at whatever activities they are doing), and don't see mom for a good long while, because she is at the gym. 

Again, I believe everyone should have time to work out. But are you noticing a theme? How can a woman possibly be a do-it-all woman? How can you do everything 100% without something sacrificing a little? And why is it the things that sacrifice first are often the things that are so important?

THE LADY

I don't even need to go to far into describing this one. Culture says you should have flawless skin, beautiful hair, pedicured nails, dress well, etc etc. However, what the 'lady' looks like on the inside is very undersold. The do-it-all woman of today can swear, drink, gossip, slander, and give little to no benefit of the doubt in conversation.

I'm not saying I have never messed up, nor am I saying a true lady is perfect. I am simply pointing out how eager we are to spruce up our outer appearance, while letting our character drown in the modern female stress relief of today.

THE INTELLECTUAL

In addition to all the things listed thus far, let me add this: the do-it-all woman should be intelligent!

Book smart, money smart, people smart... you name it. I agree, this is a highly important skill. However, given the many other numerous things listed already, the read may agree that it will be difficult to find time to clip coupons, feel relaxed and able to converse with others respectfully, take time to learn things, and all around be an intellectual when one is flying about at a frenzied speed trying to accomplish all the previously listed things.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.

The amazing and lovely do-it-all woman. I personally do not strive to be the do-it-all woman. There are time in my life I will need to chase certain elements of this character more than others, however I refuse to kill myself in an effort to make the culture (and those so eager to grasp onto the ideals of the culture) happy. I will love and honor God first, love and respect my husband second, and love and respect myself third. I will not idolize the do-it-all woman, because the do-it-all woman is killing herself and most likely, harming those around her as well.

Do not be lazy, but do not be shamed into trying to fulfill the roles of too many.

As for me, I will be a do-it-well woman and leave the results up to God.

The Importance of Being Observant

I notice a lot of things.

Most married people notice a lot of things. Heck, a good number of people notice at least some things... from time to time. Right? Right.

My question for you is this: what are you noticing?

It's very easy for spouses to pick up on the annoying habits and traits that garnish and complete our other half. For example, they never help wash the dishes. They always lose the keys.

They forget everything.

They never listen.

They don't help enough.

They leave messes everywhere.

Whatever it is, if there is a habit, it's so easy to pick up on it and make a big deal of it. Being observant in relationships is grand, ay?

But what if we switched our observance to things that were important? As in, really important?

Such as, wow, he looks tired. I think I'll give him a hug and an impromptu back massage.

She looks like she's had a long day. I'll clean up the kitchen for her tonight.

It was a bad day, but there's nothing a $2 protein bar can't fix!

He needs someone to talk to- I can stop what I'm doing and talk/pray with him, because he is my priority.

This of course means honesty has to be involved as well... along with the willingness to be open and communicative about what is going on as individuals and as a couple. However, overall, if we switched our observances and took note of things that allow us to be helping as opposed to nagging, we might see our relationship change and become more solid as a whole.

Jacob is completely and utterly my rock when it comes to this. I cannot be more thankful for someone who is so observant and steadfast when it comes to being there for me and always choosing to do what is best for not just me, but for us. Truly, he has and continues to make our relationship better every day.

Observe your relationship. See the good and cultivate it. See the bad and heal it. See the weak and strengthen it.

And above all, seek God in all your efforts to repair or replenish what you are given.

Winter with the Cliftons!

It's been unseasonable warm here in NH. Very little snow, temperatures only barely hitting what us Yankees would consider 'cold', and not a single snowstorm worth mentioning to date.

That being said, our winter has been wonderful so far! After spending Christmas with Jacob's family in North Carolina, Jacob and I returned back to a very busy and full schedule in New Hampshire. Jacob's sister Aubrey tagged along with us to spend 4 weeks with us as well! We might have stayed up almost a full 24 hours by the time this picture was taken. Apologies. Flight schedules are rough.

Running a dojo is no joke. Despite not teaching classes until 4pm, work begins early and ends late, often resulting in breakfasts in tins, lunches in pots, and dinners very late before falling fast asleep in bed in preparation for the next day. It's grand!

I couldn't imagine any other line of work. However tiring, my work is forever rewarding and sweet to the soul.




Jacob is up and running over in Center Harbor. I couldn't be more proud of what this man of mine has accomplished in such a short time. He works with dedication and spirit to better his little school. A teacher through and through, Jacob has already made so many meaningful connections in the Center Harbor community. I'm truly honored to know and be loved by such a hard working and caring gentleman.





When we aren't running around, teaching classes, working out, working, or hosting Beyond the Belt birthday parties, you can find me and my other half holding school programs for the dojo, playing flag football, watching old movies and satirical sources of humor, eating (duh), and... you guessed it, sleeping!

New year, new goals.

My big goal for this new year was to be able to get in some quality reading time! After work, I have time to read my Bible and that's it! I was and am determined to change this.

So far so good: Almost 200 pages into Wuthering Heights after a day! I adore the dramatic misery of that story... for some weird reason. Oh well. It's romantic and despairing, which automatically makes it a book worth reading.

In addition to reading more, I am anxious to finish the final touches of designing our apartment! Last summer, I repainted and decorated the downstairs (living room, kitchen area), but over February break I am determined to paint the bedroom and bathroom! Photos will be sure to come!

Another item on my goal list is to learn more. Reading is a start, learning is progress. Jacob is my greatest inspiration in his constant pursuit of knowledge and understanding the world. I need to write and think a little more as it is not only good for the brain but for the spirit!

One of my goals for this upcoming year was to continue to improve my fitness level. I've been an athlete for a long time, but it is rolling up on a year since I decided to truly commit to every level of being an athlete- diet, sleep, flexibility, well rounded training, cardio, etc. I can't wait to see what this year brings for me. Getting older means getting better!

I am honestly so thrilled to see what this year brings for me and Jacob (and Sashi, our darling and fiendish little Tortie cat).





Dentist visits!

Chiropractors!

Essential Oils!

Protein Bars!

Shoe Racks!

Glorious little happiness springs up like sprigs in the smallest things. May your winter be sweet, warm, and full of the good stuff!

Why Things Are Good and Why God is Great

Well, Thanksgiving is over and with it some exciting updates!

• We have our Christmas decorations up! Granted, it took about 15 minutes to decorate, but it seems so spirited now!
• We have three weeks of classes before Christmas break. That deserves it's own column.
• Our cat is huge.
• Winter flag football starts up soon. Next to martial arts and fitness, I've found a new favorite hobby.
• Our food budget has grown. Also good.
• Christmas is coming!

All in all, God has been so very good to us. Perhaps the biggest blessing is getting to do everything with Jacob by my side. From shopping, workouts, working, football, birthday parties, cleaning, cooking, and outings, we try our hardest to do everything we can together. A big part of this is God's goodness in our having jobs in the same business. Even after Jacob has started work in Center Harbor and I'm still in Laconia for afternoon-evening classes Monday-Thursday, we still get to see each other so much. 

But onto the point of this blog. 

Things are good. God is great. Why is that?

#1: We've also made it an unspoken rule of saying 'I love you' as much as possible. If Jacob is downstairs and I'm headed upstairs to shower, I don't even think about it. I say 'I love you!' and he says it back. If someone so much as leaves the room, the 'I love you' slips out. Our friends made fun of us for doing this during our first 6 months of marriage and told us we would stop doing that once the honeymoon phase ended. Needless to say, we are almost a year and 2 months into being married and it's still going strong ;)

#2. Another thing I've noticed about being married is the molding of two souls and how marvelous the results can be. Granted, the results can also be dank and awful, but with patience, willingness, and love, two beings can be made so much more through marriage. For example, Jacob and I swapped hobbies and we both are now avid football (him) and martial arts (me) junkies. We traded fitness ideas and have both gotten better results. He's snarky and loud. I'm snarky and reserved (to a degree, I know. It's hard to believe). We balance each other.

#3: Prayer exists. It not a magical and thought out waste of time. It's a direct hotline to grace and His greatness.

#4: Every day I am reminded that my job is tiring. I get tired. Weird. Some days I wish I had more. But God has been so good in jumping on my case IMMEDIATELY and planting that thought of WAIT A SECOND. Everything I don't have is also a reminder of all that I DO have. And trust me, considering I'm a sinner deserving of the pits of hell, I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm safe, loved, and so happy.

#5: I am not alone. God offered me not only a support system of friends and family on this earth, but salvation for eternity. As we continue into this season of giving, waiting, and anticipating the savior and his goodness, I cannot help but thank God for giving me so much, but also giving me someone to love and to love me.

I think that in order to appreciate your life fully, you have to appreciate what you have, thank God often, and always seeks to do the best you can with what you have.

May God continue to give me wisdom on this path and you on yours.

The Best Is Yet To Come

Best is yet to come and babe, won't that be fine?

                                     You think you've seen the sun, but you ain't seen it shine.

It's been a fantastic first year. I can honestly say I have never felt so excited for the future and so grateful for the past. Things are good. God is great. Patience is always necessary and love is always the winner.

Our first year? It wasn't always fun. Fantastic, but not always fun.

We got married. We house sat for a family in Moultonborough, NH for 2 weeks while we waited for the availability of our living space in NC. Life was calm and quiet. Things seemed slow and on the edge of beginning. Looking back, these observations couldn't have been more spot on.

Did we mention the house sitting involved
killing herds of bugs that managed to creep
 inside at every opportunity?
No flyswatter. Points to Jacob.

We drove the night before Halloween straight through to Mills River, NC to spend the night with Jacob's family- arriving at the lively hour of 5am. God was good- at least we made it safely in my 14 year old car!

The next day we had a NC wedding reception- complete with flag football and dumbbells for wedding gifts. Its true. That night, we packed up our car to finally head over to our temporary NC home where we would be staying for the next 2 and a half months. We pulled out... only to realize we had a flat.

My realistic depiction of our unfortunate turn of events.

Flat, as in squished and perfectly smothered into the pavement flat. We had to quickly move all necessities to one of the Clifton vans (in the cold wind and falling snow, of course), and drive off to our new home... our drafty, very cold new home. At 9PM.

And we had no sponge. Everyone needs a sponge. And why was it so darn cold?

Right away, Jacob was off to work that week in the hefty and industrious field of "lumber jacking" as well dubbed it. It would be temporary in order to simply get us through until we moved to Arizona for Jacob's Edward Jones training.

We would wake up at 6:30am. I would hurriedly fix Jacob breakfast. We would enjoy 10 minutes together in front of the space heater to warm our toes, and off he went at 7am sharp, not to return until 6:30 that night.

After he left, I put on moccasins and cleaned the house to 50's rock and roll. Why was it so darn cold?

The work hours were long. My hours alone felt longer. But we had to wait. In a few months, we would be headed to sunny Arizona for Jacob's job training for Edward Jones. We would be gone for 6 months, then return to NH where I still had a job of teaching martial arts. A job on hold, of course.

Budgets were thin. Cooking in lots of water made everything seem like it would stick to your ribs better.

You know it's a hard knock life when you start comparing the prices of beans... all of which are under a dollar.

I kept myself busy by working out a lot. Always after breakfast when your stomach was nice and full. I would practice nunchucks for an hour somedays. Other days I would walk around in the fall sun as I waited for Jacob to come home.

When Jacob did come home, despite being beat from a long day of physical labor, he would work out and I would cheer him on, sometimes joining him.

My heartsick seperation from martial arts caused me to suggest an afterschool martial arts program for the local homeschool families. With Jacob's mom helping to set up sign up info and coordinate reaching parents, we settled on having a 14 student slot per class. We ended up with 18 students in the junior class, and 16 in the teen class. Taught in a church recreation hall with no gear, no mirrors, and no mats, I felt extremely proud of the students that came out and tried martial arts for the first time.

As Christmas got closer, Jacob came down with a terrible cold (not to mention he was covered in poison ivy as well). After toughing it through work despite not being able to even talk, he finally collapsed and couldn't get out of bed. Work would be impossible the next day. It also became a sudden realization that Jacob was not going to be able to graduation TESC in time to make the winter training session for EJ in Arizona. He was devastated.

On top of all this, the "lumber jacking" work ended abruptly. We had no means, no plans, and no idea what was next. Jacob would have to do additional work with TESC to get his degree, so that was certain, anyways.

I suggested something crazy. Let's go straight back to NH! Jacob could finish school there, I could get back to teaching, and we could attend job training over the summer in AZ!

We didn't know for certain, but we kept the possibility of moving back earlier an option.

Jacob finally got better, but the days were still hard. I was still alone as Jacob woke up and studied until night. Once a week I would teach Bootcamp Fitness classes for BTB through Skype (an adventure for sure), but I didn't have a lot going on.

Back to the nunchucks.

After Christmas, it became apparent that moving back was the answer. We didn't know how we would considering the fact that we had nowhere to live in NH.

"Hey! There's an identical condo in the same condo block as mine for rent! We could be neighbors," my best friend casually mentioned as I told her of our struggle.

She sent pictures. I talked to the landlord over the phone.

We would move in at the beginning of February.

I was torn. The excitement of coming back to what I left unfinished in teaching martial arts was undeniable. My boss (and Sensei) was thrilled. I was stoked. But the idea of leaving Jacob's family was heartbreaking. I was closer to them than I could have ever imagined. This wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but Jacob and I trusted God.

The last weeks in NC were strange. We had to pack up and move to a different rental (living out of boxes in no fun) for the final month we would stay in state. However, this rental had no wi-fi. Considering Jacob's sudden need to complete more college classes, this wasn't an option.

Every day we would load up everything we would need for the day and spend the morning, afternoon, and evening at Jacob's parents- me working on BTB stuff and hanging out with the siblings, Jacob holed up doing schoolwork. To be honest, it was the best of times.

There was the Superbowl. Christmas lights. Gingerbread houses. The wintery, holidays months were the best with my extended family!

But finally the day came to leave for NH. It was rough. We packed up the car. The older siblings were leaving for classes before we would leave, so out we marched in the cold morning air to say goodbye as they pulled out of the driveway. It didn't really seem real.

Then came the goodbyes with Jacob's parents and younger siblings

. No tears, just a numbness that I'm not sure I can understand even now. It was all happening but I didn't know how or why just yet.

After another unbroken trek to New England, we pulled into the wintery wonderland of NH around 12:30am and crashed my friend's adjacent apartment on a mound of blankets and pillows on the living room floor.

The next day was an early one. Meet the landlord. Sign the papers. Move in boxes. Pick up the mattresses. Get the (one) piece of furniture we owned.

Ah. Grown up life.

And isn't it nice when you can only afford to heat your apartment to 55 degrees when it's 19 degrees outside? Why do empty apartments always seem so bleak and terrifying? Why does foreign linoleum give me the creeps?

We went to BTB the night to surprise everyone. I felt out of sorts, but at the same time, I was home.

Goodnight, sweet dreams. Welcome to what will be the fastest 9 months of your life... starting now.

Getting back to teaching was a joy. Seeing Jacob start martial arts? Equally a joy. Seeing Jacob every day, from morning until we said goodnight? Also a joy, but also a gift.

Oh. And we got a kitten.

Plans. Big plans. Building up classes. Changing class schedules.

Jacob finishes school! Jacob tutors.

Why are we still broke? I don't think we can pay the bills. We can't afford toilet paper... I don't think.

Let's talk. Let's expand the dojo! Where? I don't know?

That didn't work. That also didn't work. THIS WILL WORK!

...that didn't work.

We found a building!

Be patient. Wait. Wait some more.

Jacob, you've been training a while now. You want to be an instructor?

Can we afford toilet paper yet?

We're opening up a second Beyond the Belt. Jacob, you want to run a dojo?

Summer classes. Long days, Hot nights. I wish we could afford air conditioning.

When can we buy a table so we don't have to eat on the floor?

Teaching from 3-8 is hard on 700 calories.

We got the building! Things are looking up!

Ah. I feel the luxury of buying sweet potatoes.

And just like that, we were opening a second Beyond the Belt. Jacob was going to be a head instructor. I got my Black Belt! And before we could blink, we had been married a whole year.

We are still building. We are still growing.

04.18.14

10.13.14

10.13.15

But we haven't fought. Once. Well. We fight during martial arts classes but ;)

We are patient. We love each other. We are grateful for the time together.

We are protective. I still freak out when Jacob has to go somewhere without me because I'm sure he's going to get into a car accident and he'll die. The only way he can die is if we die together. Simultaneously. Oh, and painlessly if possible.

We're still not rich. Heck, we're still not middle class I don't think! But we are rich in ways no one else could understand.

We are working hard, 6 days a week. Days are long, responsibilities are highly adult-ish, and sometimes it feels like there is no way we are qualified.

But God is good. And this past year reminds me that no, I cannot do everything.

But God can do anything AND everything, and he is at the helm.

Thank you God for caring.

We love each other and we always, always love you.