The Big Mistake We Make in Relationships

I'm on the trail of inflammatory blog posts. Let's see if I can keep the ball rolling ;)

Today, I'm here to talk about the big mistake we make in relationships. Marriage, in specific, I'd go so far to say. 

I've read a lot of blogs, many from the female perspective, talking about things they've given up, things they've learned, and things they are still working on as newly weds. 

This is all good. No one should go into marriage and be in denial when they make mistakes and/or go about learning from them. (side note: generally speaking, it's good to learn from mistakes ;))

Facing mistakes and sinful nature and hardship and issues and all that good stuff? Facing it all with the willingness to learn and grow and do your very best for God first, spouse second?

Spot on.

So... where's the big mistake?

The big mistake comes when we expect and accept to be disappointed, let down, or settle for less in our marriages.

I came across a blog post the other day, and what I was reading DID make sense- but in the most horrible way possible.

Disappointment on a daily basis from your spouse?

Wait. What?

What happened to the wedding vows? You know, the hipster, pintrest style vows that go 3 pages in about how 'I will love and cherish and always be the encouraging wife you deserve' and how 'you will always be my first priority and tomorrow will always be better than today'?

If we say these words on the day we vow before God, why then do we tell newly weds and soon-to-be-lassoed in marriage folks that they should EXPECT to be disappointed? 

Another blogger noted that we should not expect our spouses to be Christ. 

True. We shouldn't. I don't remember God opening the skies and telling me that Jacob was the new christ figure in my life, and I don't think anyone else has ever had such an experience with their significant other.

HOWEVER. Let me make one thing clear.

We are not to expect our spouses to be Christ... and we are also not to expect them to be sinners.

I can see some of you shaking your heads at my heretical lunacy.

But we're all sinners! Not expecting your spouse to be a sinner if setting unrealistic standards! 

And the dark cloud of disappointment seems to be rolling in again.

Let me clarify further: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is a gift from God, Ephesians 2:8-9.

We are sinners. But because of God's grace, we are given the chance to be made new in him.

This means, we should live differently. The way we speak, dress, interact, communicate, share, love, and live should reflect the change in our lives.

So no. I will not expect Jacob to be God in our marriage. However, I will also not expect him to be a sinner.

We already communicate about these things.

We set high standards for each other, meaning I am accountable to him and he is accountable to me. This ranges from getting things done on time, being wise with money, getting enough sleep, doing those workouts we don't want to, and remembering the importance of prayer and faith in seemingly impossible mental blocks.

So no. Neither of us are Christ. However, I refuse to live my life as a sinner. I have been called out.

Though our natures our sinful, Jacob and I believe God is deserving of our best efforts- through our seeking Him in pursuit of bringing him glory.

If Jacob expects me to do the dishes every day because that's what we agreed on, then guess who will be doing the dishes??

And if, for some reason, I became too sick, had the worst day ever and was physically unable to do the dishes, or by some miraculous reason, forgot (because I hear even sinners forgiven by God do such things ;)), I would expect Jacob to show forgiveness and understanding, not be disappointed in that situation.

And yes, the hypotheticals could go on and on, and yes, I'm sure someone just read through that and found some flaw, but you understand what I mean.

It's not about expecting to be disappointed in your spouse. It's about you and your spouse acknowledging that you are both sinners SAVED by grace, both on the path to do your best to serve God and bring him glory through your marriage.

Will you mess up?

Will you feel disappointed?

Yes. But we shouldn't advocate these things as 'acceptable', 'expected', or 'normal'.

It is a mistake to expect your spouse to be Christ. 

It is also a mistake to permit the both of you to act like Christ hasn't saved you both.

Continuously seek God and communicate with your significant other about things. It's not a 50/50, it's a 100/100. You need to be giving 100 percent to your spouse AND God. 

It is your mission. When you slip up, your spouse encourages and helps you up. Eyes on the prize which God has set for us... not on the mistakes that we use to identify sinful behavior.

I'm not married yet. But just like an overweight person needs to keep their mindset before, during, and after weight loss, a single person needs to keep their mindset, communication, and expectations the same before marriage: and that is to keep them both Godly, and high.

Fat people don't get skinny by expecting to stay fat.

Questions? Comments?

Let's hear it!