Part Seventeen: Sweaty Children, Hyperactivity, and Heart Pondering

"So we burst into colors, colors and carousels,
Fall head first like paper planes in playground games..."

-Ellie Goulding

Cue a troop of sweaty, tired, and loopy kids wandering into the Clifton house. Cue same kids running to showers, running to change into clean clothes, and running to kick off shoes and drop bags. Becki and I would be the kids running to change into clean clothes, as we didn't have the showering option. While Becki looked completely clean after changing, I didn't know if I could say the same about myself... despite Jacob's constant disagreement.

I returned to the kitchen to talk with my mom and Mrs. Clifton while waiting for Jacob and the rest of the crew. I poked fun at Becki for being so clean. I didn't really care. Oh my. This was the best Saturday of my life.

Eventually Jacob returned looking extremely cute with wild shower hair and that same sweatshirt I loved so much.  Oh my my my. 

After dinner was almost as wild as the dinner conversations we held. I made Aubrey and Jimmy fall down the stairs. Yes, you read correctly. Fall. As in fall down the stairs. Becki followed, naturally. 

We then all had a nice group conversation in the bathroom. Why? I don't know. We simply all stood in the bathroom and talked about a wide variety of things. From movies we had seen, musicals, books, scary people... you name it. 

Eventually the lively dialogue came to an end as Jacob was supposed to have a Skype debate regarding the CollegePlus elections (which I scheduled for him; aren't I a good girlfriend?). I had to get a Skype account set up for him. However, despite all our last minute set ups and rushing around, it was cancelled due to a no show on everyone else's part. Free time! However, everyone but Will and Aubrey had gone out for ice cream, so there was really very little to do until the rest of the crew returned.

Perfect.

We all went upstairs. Aubrey emailed people and showed me pictures of bandana printed shoes on the laptop. Will read recipes from some quirky cookbook. I leaned on Jacob's shoulder and pondered how much my head hurt as Will read random recipes out loud.

Every now and then Jacob would look at me and I felt like my heart might leap right out of my chest. Green blue eyes. I only had one more day to look at them after tonight. Don't think about that, don't think about that...

Poor Will kept trying to get our opinion on recipes. Jacob and I weren't paying any attention.

"I could get used to this," he said quietly with a smile as he laced his fingers between mine.

I smiled and squeezed his hand in mine.

"Someday," I said just as quietly. It wasn't much of an answer, but just like always, our eyes said so much more. I wrinkled my nose a bit and pulled away to assess my current state of un-showered-ness.

"I look awful," I pointed out, pulling at my braid.

"No you don't! Aubrey, tell her," Jacob responded immediately.

"You look totes delish," Aubrey replied without so much as a second in between.

"What do you think, Will?" Jacob turned and poked the cookbook-reading-and-unaware kid next to us. "Doesn't she look pretty?"

Will closed the book thoughtfully in order to analyze me. Promptly assuming a philosophical thinking position, he scrutinized for a good 30 seconds before we got an answer.

"... yes."

Good to know. Will had spoken, there was no question about it.

By the time the rest of the gang returned, a few too many siblings were sugar high- namely Jimmy and Becki. The ice cream had worked it's magic. After finally corralling them and getting them to semi settle down, all the various kids charged to the downstairs behind Jacob and I to finish out the evening as we had the night before. Movie time! I was mostly dead and didn't really care what movie was playing as long as I got to sit next to Jacob.

Dimmed lights, 10 kids in blankets, and a few yawns. Too many people piled onto one couch. Too many people piled on the floor and surrounding chairs.

"Beth? Beth? Pepper? Pepper where are you..." I could see little Melody searching around in the dark.

"Melody! Over here!" Becki called out, waving her hand out from under her blanket draped chair across the room.

"Where's Pepper?" She repeated, still seeking out my face in the crowd.

"Melody, I'm over here," I waved my hand.

Becki pretended to be completely heartbroken as Melody turned to me in favor over Becki's comfy chair. Shampooed blonde curls. Feeling little 4 year old fingers reaching for you. 

"Pepper? I love you," she whispered before dropping her head against my chest. For the millionth time on this trip, my heart melted. I loved this whole family so much. How was I going to say goodbye tomorrow?

My one hand covered her with a blanket and my other reached for Jacob. So smoothly we would grab each other's hand and hold on. It was perfect yet again.

While Melody, Charity, Thomas, and Lydia all piled on top of and surrounded Jacob and I from all sides, I couldn't help but close my eyes for a second. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just sorta did. I was leaning on his shoulder, my hand was in his... and in the foggy darkness I felt so safe. Yes, I was missing a few scenes in the movie. No, I didn't care. 

Melody was falling asleep against me, I was falling asleep against Jacob. Gently, I felt him brush the hair out of my eyes and when I looked up, he was looking down at me. I smiled and he returned the favor. If time had frozen right then, I wouldn't have  mind at all. I had all my favorite kids around me. I had all my favorite kids on the floor in blankets, in chairs, on the couch... all around me.

The whole movie I battled to keep my eyes open, but I really didn't care. What I couldn't understand was how God managed to pick this boy out of nowhere and know he was exactly who I needed. How did he know we would fit so perfectly? How did he know we would be able to connect so well?

Duh. He's God. And thank goodness for that. I couldn't have imagined up a better way to spend a Saturday night.

My favorite boy was holding onto me. My favorite kids were still sprawled everywhere under their blankets.

Close your eyes again and remember how it feels to have his fingers next yours, because soon it will be gone. Close your eyes and remember how it feels to have your cheek on his shoulder. Close your eyes and remember how it feels to feel him breathe. Soon it will be gone, but for right now this is yours.

By the time the younger kids went upstairs to go to bed or go to go back to the cabin to go to bed, I was so wonderfully and completely at peace. Yes, tomorrow would be the last day... but how good was God that he had allowed us to meet? That he was allowing me to be right next to this boy. That he had completely changed my heart and pushed me head over heels in love with someone I'd never met... only to meet said person and realize it is possible to fall further than head over heels in love.

Close your eyes and don't ever forget a single second. Right here, right next to him... this is where you belong.

Who was I? Who was I to be blessed like this? Why was God letting all this come to me? Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

I gave his hand a squeeze and looked up because I knew what I would see.

Why was God letting all this come to me? It was so perfect, so utterly and completely heaven constructed.

I closed my eyes and turned my nose until it buried into his shoulder. I'm safe here, I'm always safe here.

Maybe God would reveal it. Maybe I'd never know.

Whatever God was doing, it seemed pretty good to me. I only had one more day after this, but as I closed my eyes, I knew I was going to make it count.