| "You were so hard to find, with oh so many clouds across my summer sky You, my constellation prize, every single star is sparkling in your eyes.."-Owl City  |
| Sweaty and smudgety people are my favorite. Oh, for the memories brought on by unattractive photos ;) |
We all got home a bit exhausted but beyond happy. Becki was coming right out of her shell and babbling excitedly. I assumed it had something to do with the fact that she and Jimmy had been slapping each other in some warped version of punch buggy.
Our sorry and wild looking crew trouped to the house. Jacob was promptly attacked by Lydia. I was promptly attacked by Charity and Melody. When I was able to pry myself away, I got to talk to Mr. Clifton about the day and the differences between homeschool life in NH versus NC. I got to talk to Mrs. Clifton about who knows what. I wish I could remember in better detail, but I know without a doubt I felt so at home.
The other siblings ran outside to explore the neighborhood. Jacob and I ran downstairs to finish working on CollegePlus elections stuff. I was positively, completely worn out but that didn't really matter much. The fact that he was sitting next to me was all I really cared about.
I opened my computer to get started. He was leaning against my shoulder. Too bad I couldn't bring him around with me everywhere. I placed the computer to the side and hugged him. Oh, but I liked hugging him. Curious for someone who hates hugging people, but... I really did. I wanted to hold onto him as long as I could. Friday was almost over. I only had the weekend before I would be gone.
"We're not going to get anything done this way," I smiled.
"It won't hurt if we take away 5 minutes," he remarked, "besides, we need to recharge."
I agreed with a silent snuggle. We did eventually finish the editing work and headed up to dinner where the chaos of sibling conversation was building. We talked about the most embarrassing things that had happened to us which involved a great number of stories in which pants vanished, yanked, or removed themselves at inopportune times. Melody joined us just in time to consume what was left of my dinner in typical Clifton style (Aubrey had stolen part of my dinner the night before, hm).
Somewhere between the stolen dinner and note worthy conversation, Jimmy, Will, Aubrey, Becki and I all sang a rousing rendition of Marx Brothers tunes. I can only imagine what the parents were thinking in the other room. Either way, it was worth it.
The evening activity consisted of watching movies downstairs and posting our edited and charming video for the CollegePlus forums. Jacob and I worked on the latter while the rest of the crew meandered upstairs... but it wasn't too long before we were all finding blankets, seating, and a good view for the movie. Not surprisingly, Jacob and I ended up with about 3 younger siblings piled on top of us. On the floor. It wasn't immensely comfortable, but it was worth it.
As the evening continued on, the younger ones headed off to bed or home (depending on which family they belonged to). I was sad to see them go, but grateful for the chance to sit on the couch as opposed to the floor. Jacob and I quickly commandeered a spot on the couch without much hesitation. All the younger kiddos are upstairs? And let the resuming of the movie begin.
"Blanket?"
But Jacob was already tucking me underneath it. I sort of, kind of, let it cover about half of me. I'm not a snuggly, hugg-ish type of person, remember? I was a tad tentative.
"Oh please," He chided and covered me again. I didn't even think of moving the blanket again. He reached for my hand and held it in his gently. I was so unsure of how to respond. I wasn't a cuddly sort of person.
I was taken by surprise. I'd never in a million years have expected to be so close to someone as I was right now... but when I looked over in the dim light and caught his blue green gaze, all my defenses fell. I just wanted to be with him, next to him, safe with him.
I leaned against him ever so slightly... feeling the pressure of his hand against mine, feeling the glow of a connection so small yet real, and feeling a bit more able to believe. This felt absolutely wonderful. It felt natural. It felt...
Oh, and there was that stare. I'd turn my head and peek at that beautiful face just in time to see him look down and smile at me. Those eyes. I got shivers every time he looked at me. I'd just met him, but I was already understanding just how much I could trust him.
In case it wasn't clear, I didn't really pay much attention to the movie that night. I was only watching every other scene and listening to every other word. I couldn't help it. Didn't I realize what was happening? Didn't I understand?
The boy who happened to talk to me out of pure boredom was right beside me. The boy who happened to talk to me because he found me mildly entertaining was right next to me.
The girl who cried for months over how God had turned her life upside down was close, oh so close to him. The girl who promised to never fall in love with anyone was tied up in her own thoughts over how much she loved him... and was only the first full day she'd actually seen him in real life.
When the movie finally ended, it was fairly late. Mr. Clifton came down and joined us for some witty banter while Jacob and Will did senseless things with tape measurers. From the Marx Brothers (and yes, a bit more singing... tired as it was) to The Fugitive (oh, inside joke there), we all mumbled over various movie memories. Bedtime was calling, especially for dehydrated and exhausted girls of 19 years (aka me).
Jacob drove Becki and I home under a sky full of North Carolina stars. A hug goodnight, a walk to the cabin, and a good 30 minutes before I was able to fall asleep. Lying awake in bed because all you can think about is him, his eyes, and being right next to him. Lying awake wondering just what kind of God is so wonderful as to dream up plans such as this for a completely underserving girl like myself.
The following morning marked the beginning of my second full day in North Carolina. The weather was splendid. The day's agenda included hanging out with Will and Jimmy, working out with Clayton, playing flag football, and returning home to eat and hang out. And yes, Jacob would be with me the whole time. Not surprisingly! I considered it unnecessary to include him in the previously listed activities for that reason.
Once again I nibbled through a rather pathetic breakfast in anticipation for the day's activity. My favorite part of my North Carolina mornings? Seeing the ironvan driving that winding path up to our cabin. Oh, and there it was. Still makes me smile thinking about it. After some brief hang out time in our cabin living room, Jimmy, Will, Jacob and I all headed out for an adventure.
We couldn't go back to the house just yet as the Clifton household still had sleepy people. Instead, we went to play basketball over at Biltmore Baptist Church. The weather was tinged with a hint of spring, sun, and warmth. I confessed basketball was just another one of the recreational activities I stunk at, but nevertheless we headed off. Tally ho.
Jacob and I wandered onto the outdoor court while Will and Jimmy did school in the ironvan. I let my bare toes feel the slightly warmed pavement gratefully. More protests that my skills in the basketball department were severely lacking. Back and forth conversations with full smiles. Catching his stare and catching his hand almost as much as I was catching throws. Oh my, I loved him.
Eventually, Jimmy and Will decided it was time to get out of the cave and shoot some hoops. We went back and forth switching up players and teams. Too many times I was diving into bushes to retrieve wayward shots. Too many times I scraped my bare feet against the pavement as I ran around like a crazy lady. Too many times I would make a shot and instead of falling back on defense I would ended up hugging Jacob. I insisted that was somewhat illegal, but that didn't really seem to stop us.
A bit more basketball. Jimmy driving off in the van while Jacob returned the basketball. Driving out the entrance instead of the exit. Driving back home to fumble around the kitchen. Fumble around the kitchen while poking fun at Jimmy's cooking. Randomly smacking Jacob for no reason. Randomly grabbing his hand for a bit of a reason. Randomly looking over at him and giving a half smile, but a fully telling expression.
A few other Cliftons returning home. Jimmy cooking me something that I only eat half of because Melody has jumped in my lap and eaten most of it. Running up stairs to get changed to workout. Melody knocking on the bathroom door every five seconds because she wants me to see the shoes she's wearing.
Driving to drop off Jimmy and Will at Clayton's house. Sitting in a sun soaked car minus Jimmy and Will waiting for Clayton. Sitting in said sun soaked car talking about not much in particular, but so, so much at the same time. Sitting in a said sun soaked car and letting him hold my hand because... despite the warm glory of the day, I know that after tomorrow I've got an appointment with an airplane.
Clayton finally shows up and we pile in to work out. I repeatedly made note of how I'd never been to a real gym. I repeatedly made note of how I felt terrible not knowing what I was doing. I repeatedly am told not to worry about it. Oh, my humility was tested that weekend. I cannot stand not knowing what I'm doing. I cannot stand looking like I'm not knowing what I'm doing. Yet I made it through without too much damage to my pride. However, I will say this- the heavy bag did make me feel a bit more at home. Oh. And my thai kick was prettier than Clayton's.
Pile back in the car. Drive back to Clayton's. Pick up some kids. Drop off some kids. Sound familiar yet? It was time to meet up and smush people without getting in trouble. As in, it was time to go play flag football.
By the time we got to the field a good number of other people had gathered. Debbie, Jacob's friend whom I had been acquainted with over Googleplus and text, had been texting me on the car ride over. Now, I could barely get out of the ironvan before she was bounding over to give her greetings.
What was said? I don't remember. I remember hugging her and promptly removing her hair wrap in favor of her wearing the extra blue bandana I brought along with me. She only protested a moment, but soon enough I had her decked out. Jimmy was goofing off with a yellow bandana in half mockery, but I did my best to ignore his antics and focus on the task at hand.
After fixing the bandana versus hair wrap issue, I turned to address the flock of silent and clustered homeschool girls behind me. No one said anything. Again. I went up and grabbed for the nearest hand to shake.
"Hey, I'm Beth," I said with a sincere smile. I wanted to make a good impression, I really did.
The girl looked at me like I had two heads before giving a glance at the girl next to her.
"Yeah..." she said with a half smile and a limp hand. I couldn't tell if she was shy, bored, or somehow making fun of me. I laughed for better or worse and moved on.
We made our way over to the field from the parking lot. More clustering of girls, some random guys who I was fairly certain of in terms of identities, and Cliftons scattered throughout the mix.
Across the field Becki spotted a lacrosse net. I knew exactly what she was thinking and asked the question before she could.
"Hey Jacob, do you know what kind of net that is?" I asked with a pinch of snark.
"A soccer net. No! I mean! Ah! No no no..."
But it was too late. Becki had already cracked up before she explained what it was. Jacob, of course, feigned innocence. Oh well. Back to scanning the territory.
"Do I need to introduce myself here too?" I asked Aubrey with a fake groan. Turns out the answer was yes. Again. I wasn't the least bit tired of introductions, but these people were asking for it by not coming up and shaking my hand. I would just have to do it my way. I surveyed the group of guys lobbing the football at each other. Tall dude, cut off dude, dude in a Hurley shirt...
"I SAY MR. HURLEY! WHAT'S YOUR NAME SIR?"
Those around me got quiet. The guys kept throwing in an attempt to either ignore me or look cool. I already knew who the kid was, but I wasn't going to say so.
"And hey. Yeah, you in the cutoff, who are you?"
"It's not a cutoff. I bought it this way," the kid said somewhat sulkily.
"Yeah well, it looks like a cutoff so you get 50% for trying," I replied in a good natured manner.
A few more intros, a few more people standing around awkwardly, divvying up the people into teams ("Hey, cutoff" was how I was addressed during team selection. Huh), and a last minute appearance by another CollegePlus student. Sofia.
I had known Sofia was coming, but it was getting later and still no show. I joked with Aubrey that perhaps I'd scared her away. But no, a van was pulling into the parking lot and a timidly smiling girl wrapped up in cute clothes and a purple bandana was headed my way.
I don't know why I did what I'm about to describe. I was tired. I was dehydrated. I was in shock from too many things happening at once. But read on.
"Well look who's here! IT'S A REALLY WEIRD PERSON," I hollered. With a run and a leap, I jumped on her. Jumped. As in I only know how to greet people by jumping on them. Unlike Jacob, she didn't spin me around. Instead, she collapsed in a heap underneath me. Yes. I tackled her.
"So that's the right idea when it comes to football, correct?" I asked from my dominant positioning over Sofia as everyone else stared down at me with curiosity. I helped Sofia up and made sure she was okay before actually hugging her. However, greeting time was over. It was game time.
I was basically, completely unsure of how to play football. I had played 3v3 like... oh, 3 years ago. Since then, I'd not touched, looked at, licked, poked, or talked about a football. I was going to be a disaster. I was going to embarrass the Cliftons and their good Clifton name by showing up here in my cutoff and bandana.
I joked around. I asked Will why we were all about to battle over a ball that wasn't even round. I pointed out that I was making progress in the learning of the sport as I now knew what the football was. I laughed. I poked fun at the other guys' blocking skills. I was only a tad nervous, but at the same time I realized something: all I really needed to do was hit people. I liked hitting people. This should be a cinch.
Things went better than I had hoped. Jacob and I were on opposite teams, but that didn't matter. Despite the separation of sides, we made sure to yell at each other. I was snooty. I was obnoxious. From the outside perspective, he and I were absolutely insane. We shoved each other, made a ruckus, and probably scared all the good, civilized homeschool girls.
"Someone get this fat girl on her side of the field!"
"Someone get the ugly guy to shut up!"
And then about 54 seconds later, we would be smiling at each other in a goofy way. One of us would grab for the other's hand as we walked by.
Jacob wasn't the only one who got yelled at. I yelled at everyone on my team. I yelled at people on the other team. I yelled at Aubrey. I yelled at Jimmy. Best yet however, was the random and secret quoting of Tobiatha. If you don't know what that is, you never will. Shh.
"Debbie! You stole my thunder," I wailed after she grabbed someone's flag before I could.
"You stole the lightning!" She laughed back.
"Hey guys, cut down on the hate," someone interrupted from across the field. "You're on the same team, you know!"
"It's not hate. When you're on the same team, this right here is called love," I responded with a gesture at Debbie who was still laughing.
Somehow during all the chaos, Jacob managed to take a knee to the face. This resulted in his sunglasses driving into his eye, which resulted in blood. As horrible as that all sounds, it was for the best. Had he not being wearing sunglasses, he would've been in serious trouble.
Someone called a time out and I looked over to see my dear Mr. Clifton dripping blood from above his right eye. It was on the bandana, the hands, the arms... just blood everywhere. Without even thinking I immediately ran over to make sure he was okay.
I must've asked if he was okay 15 times. I followed up his confirmation with, 'Are you sure?' every single time. I wanted to do something. He handed me his bloody bandana. I took it, blood and all. We went back to the car to patch things up and after a few more questions on my part regarding his state of health, the game was on again.
As mentioned, things went well. I got 2 touchdowns which shocked the socks off me. I ran over Clayton and knocked him flat. I jammed my finger trying to run down Becki. I body slammed Aubrey. I picked off a pass. Becki scored a touchdown. I got completely knocked over by Jacob (illegally, of course). We yelled, we made everyone feel awkward, and had a lovely time. Some two hours later however, it was time to wrap things up.
People said goodbye. I thanked the guys for inviting me and one by one they came up to say farewell. I went right for the handshake bro hug. It went well for most of the guys... but for the last. This last gentleman decided to awkwardly hug me. I say awkwardly because he was the one who asked for the hug and because when he hugged me my nose ended up parallel to his armpit. Yeah. And he was wearing a cutoff. Yeah.
Saying goodbye to Debbie was the hardest. I didn't like this idea of saying goodbye to people, partly because I had fallen in love with this wild crew of homeschoolers and partly because I knew this was just the beginning of my goodbyes. I hugged her, promised I would be in touch, and felt a twinge of sadness as she handed the blue bandana back over.
"Next time I see you, wear a bandana," I instructed with a smile. I missed her already. We barely knew each other, but she was a best friend.
Before long it was just us, Clayton, and Sofia. Sofia's parents would be a little late in picking her up, so we all waited for her. Clayton sat in his old, white, and somewhat creepy vehicle eating who knows what. Becki, Aubrey, Will, and Jimmy clambered in and out of the ironvan due to excess energy. Sofia stood in between the vehicles looking a little uncertain. I didn't really blame her.
As for Jacob and me, we sat in the front of the ironvan holding hands, contemplating whether or not I smelled bad, and analyzing the gash above Jacob's eye. Goodness it looked awful. I wondered what looked worse- Jacob's battle scar or my sweaty, wild hair.
"I'll be back. I'm going to go kick my shoes across the field," I announced suddenly. Aubrey up and followed, begging to be the one who did the kicking. I donated my oversized Under Armour sweatshirt to Aubrey's shivering form, unlaced my shoes, and granted Aubrey permission to fling my shoes wayward. Aubrey then proceeded to kick the shoes across the field with great skill. I'm still proud of her. Victory! Jimmy and Becki ran over to the lacrosse net to do pull ups. Sofia joined Aubrey and I in sitting down in the dry, somewhat prickly grass.
A few minutes later, Jacob emerged from the ironvan wearing a sweatshirt and joined our party. He offered up the sweatshirt up to me as mine was currently swallowing Aubrey alive (due to it's large nature), but I turned him down. He looked incredibly adorable in that hoodie and I wanted him to keep it on. Ooh.
Without giving it a second thought, we both reached for the other's hand. Nothing important was said. Becki and Jimmy ran back over to see what was going on. Really, it was a dull moment considering everything that happened during the trip. But there was something special about being right next to him in the middle of that nothingness. There was something worth thanking God about in this moment of nothingness. Slight breeze, fading sun, those blue green eyes peering out from under that hood in time with his smile... it melted my heart.
Soon enough, Sofia had to head home. Clayton took off as well. With that, the Clifton/Kneuer crew returned to the ironvan. The whole ride home I keep apologizing for my lack of skill in pretty much everything we did that day. He keep telling me I smelled really good for someone who played basketball, worked out, and played football. I kept looking out the window at the golden glow of the dying sunlight and back to his smile. Again and again and again...
Becki, Aubrey, and Jimmy took a bajillion pictures of themselves. We sang Taylor Swift loudly and proudly. We shrieked. We laughed. The sunlight was fading away, but our enthusiasm for this Saturday was not. By the time we pulled in the driveway, we were still in extremely high spirits. Sweaty, yes. A bit bloodied? Yes. Happy?
I don't think the word comes even close to describing just how we felt. We were flying.
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