I realize that a lot of readers of this blog are probably considering my standpoint on a good deal of things as unrealistic. Especially those who are already married! I mean, let's be honest, have I experienced the things they have? Have I faced the financial, the emotional, or the every day problems and mess ups that they have?
Absolutely not. And my take on such issues isn't very grey.
Fighting in marriage? Absolutely not. It's NOT necessary and NO, it's not healthy.
****Dying to Self? Absolutely not... not the way most people are thinking, anyways. You are not a martyr. However, the conscious loving, patience, humility, and selflessness of seeking Christian hearts will make a marriage turn from martyrdom to a portrait of God's grace, led by a God who is greater and more than we deserve.
Living in the 'Real World' and accepting lives of dull drudgery? Absolutely not. Our 'real world' is not this world. We are to live in and not of this earth- meaning when things get hard, we remember who is with us, for us, and who is our savior... through the big and the little things.
I openly call out my generation and ask: why do we set such low standards for our marriages?
Why do accept that fighting is okay? Where in the Bible does it say that bitter words, becoming violently angry, or blaming another person to the point of severe verbal conflict is okay?
Why do we allow ourselves to play the martyr? It is Jesus Christ that saves us, not our 'dying to self'. Yes, we are to give up this world and our nature in pursuit of God, but this doesn't give us the right to assume we're on the level of picking up a cross and bleeding along side the son of God.
Why do we let the little things slide, but when issues close to heart or the 'big, real life' problems cross our path, we panic and face anxiety and depression? Does God not see to the big, little, silly, and every other type of problem? And does he not take care of us through it all (Matthew 6:26)?
Planning this wedding has been extremely rewarding and a joy. I promised myself I would NOT become a wedding wild woman, but I would enjoy the process in every way.
Have there been problems? Have there been tough things to decide?
Of course. If you have family members and future family members to invite from about 5 different states, and immediate families of 8 and 9 respectively, and your mother-in-law-to-be is in a different state (which means any consulting or questions is a process!), and you're trying to cater, decorate, rent a building, design invitations and programs, and pay for the whole thing relatively speaking by yourself, things are bound to get messed up or mixed up or SOMETHING.
But even as we've struggled to figure things out, or my brain has been on overload from working 3-4 hours a day on wedding stuff and going straight to work until 7pm or 8pm at night, even as it's been very hard without Jacob here... I know in my heart of hearts that God will take care of us and that he will handle all these unknowns.
Have I always been peppy and wildly happy through it all? No! But I refuse to let myself get mad. Frustrated at times, yes. Lonely, yes. Tearful, because some of the problems seem very big. But not hopeless, because my God is the God of the universe... and he loves me more than I could ever define.
Life IS hard. I will not give the impression that setting higher standards for marriage and relationships and life is easy. It is HARD. You will mess up sometimes. You will lose faith. Things will get busy and tough and turn out ways you never expected.
But staying in the word of God, praying, keeping your eyes and mind on things above, remembering how God has been faithful before... this is how we stay on track and turn what most people would consider impossible into a lifestyle set on pursuing excellence for Christ.
Am I being unrealistic? Am I setting impossible standards? Do I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about? Comments and questions are welcome!
****See below in comments for my rational behind the 'dying to self'.
Good post, Bethany! I'm totally on board with what you say! However..."dying to self" IS a Biblical concept and phrasiology. I get what you mean, but you need a different phrase. Otherwise, you sound anti-Biblical. :-P Thanks for the good blog. I enjoy reading it. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Jael!
DeleteI guess I should have clarified- yes, the Bible does make mention in Luke 9:23 and 1 Corinthians 15:31, for example, about taking up your cross.
However, there is a stark difference between 'dying to self': accepting Jesus as your savior, putting off your sinful ways, taking up your cross and striving to live a life that honors and reflects Christ, versus 'dying to self': feeling that your sufferings you experience in life are tantamount to Christ's sufferings on the cross. Does that make sense? What bothers me is when people throw around the concept of 'dying to self' and use it in the wrong context. Yes? :)
Totally! :-) Thanks for clarifying.
ReplyDeleteI put in an edit- thanks for noticing! :)
ReplyDelete