In Which I Finally Chime In (Part 1)

It has been said that the first sentence is always the hardest to write. I’d like to voice my approval of that statement, especially when you’re writing means more to you than anything else on Earth.

Notice that I used that cliché as a first sentence. No, that’s not cheating.

Anyways, my name is Jacob Clifton, and I have something to say. In fact, I have a good deal to say. Down here in the South, a cliché abounds about strong, silent men, and their gabby wives. Fortunately, I’m just as gabby as any wife, and a good deal more opinionated. So for my opening of my side of “our” story, you’re going to be reading a lot about me.

That’s right. Me. You see, to truly understand my side of the story, you’ll have to understand me (or give it a good ol’ college try).

So, for the sake of artistry (and ease of writing), we’re going to travel back twenty months ago, to a house in Western North Carolina, and let the memories I have of who I was (and what I felt) take over the keyboard. Naturally, I don’t remember every exact thought that crossed my mind at the time, but the feelings and memories I remember, and those moments will dictate this narrative.

…….

It was the evening of the Seventh of June. And I was bored.

It had been a long day, and although I hadn’t done anything particularly interesting, I was tired. I just let my mind wander around as I mindlessly scrolled through various web pages that didn’t interest me (an activity we’re all familiar with).

My mind wandered to the girl I worked with at a local campground. She was cute. My sister, as usual, disapproved of my lady-friend. She always did. Sure, I’d had a dozen or so over the years, but still. I didn’t understand it. Why, she had even grown to hate..... The only one who had-

No, I wouldn’t go back there. I had passed that point, right? God has pulled me through it, just me and God. I was alright. Strong, self-sufficient.

I refreshed the “Exercise and Health Bonanza” topic on the Collegeplus Forums for the twelfth time in the past two minutes, for no particular reason. On this forum thread, I had made the grave mistake of mistaking a girl for a guy. Any decent person would have been horrified, but not I- I thrived off of the unusual and atypical.  I’d mastered the art of being unique and confident, and it’s amazing how girls fall in love with cocky guys.

Refresh.

Refresh.

Something caught my eye. No, not a new post, but something I had expected to occur. A certain young woman named Bethany had changed her profile picture. You see, she’s the one I had mistaken for a guy. I couldn’t even make out what her profile picture was of, but all I know is some person name “Kiaikid” who was passionate about fitness has fooled me into believing she was a guy.

And now she was a girl. The change of picture made that obvious.

I did a quick mental analysis of her physical appearance. Hmm. T-shirt and a skirt- typical of a hippy girl who probably is clueless about life. She was beautiful, in her own right, and she had changed her picture for me- that’s obvious. I had already mapped out the expected turn of events. It would go something like this:

Me: So I see you changed your picture.

Bethany: Yes, I did. You see, I really am a girl! Haha. Or maybe I still look like a guy in that picture.

Me: No, you strongly represent a very attractive female. You sure that’s really you?

Bethany: Yes! That’s me… and thank you (: You’re sweet (:

It was like taking candy from a baby. I had mastered the art of wooing. I was no Crunch Hardtack with thirty-inch biceps, or Johnny Cool with the flowing hair. My methods were infinitely more signature, and brought me a good deal of pride. Why, not too long before, every girl in my high school class (ten) had a crush on me.

So, in the natural course of events, I sent her a Private Message:

Nice picture ;P

Hmmm. A little bit silly looking. Perhaps the idiotic emoticon was not-needed. Either way, the conversation had started. It was going to go as expected.

Refresh.

Refresh.

Ah! She had responded:

Thanks! As you can see, I am female most of the time, although I distinctly hate female attire, and feel much more at home in unflattering sweatpants. But, I decided to change it for you, which was probably a mistake because you’re probably not worth my time. Anyways, how are you?

Well this is shocking.

That sort of response wasn’t supposed to happen. What was I supposed to say to that? Did this mean we were going to have to have a normal conversation?

What followed was a lengthy banter of witticisms, insults, and pleasantries. Was it fun? Yes. But I emerged with a sour taste in my mouth. Nothing irks me worse than not getting what I had expected or wanted. One thing I can say for certain though, this girl had guts. And I definitely wanted to talk to her again.

I went to bed thoughtful, needless to say.

Philippians, Peanut Butter, and Other Ways We Stay Sane, Pt. 2

Good days= together!

There are good days. There are bad days. And there are 'smack me upside the head and let me drown in a tub of sorrow' days.

Ah, sounds familiar yet? You must be in a long distance relationship. Me too! It's fun, isn't it?

And here comes the issue of coping with the miles. How do we do it? How do we stay sane? Earlier I covered some of the means of maintaining a somewhat normal life.

Ready for more?

-Find something funny. And no, I'm not referring to America's Funniest Home Videos, unless that's the only means for you to laugh. Read an entertaining book. Watch something humorous. Have a lively conversation with the family. Sometimes your mood needs a lift. No, you won't want to have a mood lift- you will want to stay mopey. Don't be mopey. Be happy.

-Plan ahead. This may or may not apply to differing degrees, depending on where you're at in your relationship. Obviously, if you just met, I don't recommend planning weddings or picking out beige carpets for the future home. However, be aware and don't focus alone on how wonderful the other person makes you feel. If things work out and you're pursuing a relationship with purpose, odds are you'll need more than love and cutsie feelings to keep you going. Use your brain, not just your heart.

-Be real. It's very easy to hide when you feel poorly, hide when you have a worry or a concern regarding the other person, or hide when you're not at your best in long distance relationships. I'm here to tell you for the sake of your relationship: don't. If you're not really happy, stop pretending you're happy. I'm not saying be grumpy, but let the other person know where you're REALLY at. If they can't handle you at your worst, they sure don't deserve you at your best... or so a certain blonde said, but I digress.

-Embrace the here and now. Do you know how much it hurts to be somewhere when that someone is so far away? It hurts a lot. But here's a change of perspective. Look around. Do you have parents? Siblings? Friends? Odds are you do. They care about you. Love you, even. Don't forget about them! Don't waste months, maybe even years of your life pining away! Remember to live with purpose in the here and now. Is it always fun? No. I've personally been feeling extremely demotivated because well- my main inspiration on this earth is far away and it just isn't the same without him. But don't forget those around you now. Do something amazing for them, for God, and in the end... that someone will be  proud that you are.

-Make a monthly goal. Maybe it's something little, like 'clean the kitchen every afternoon'. Maybe it's big, like do a Crossfit competition. Ahem. Either way, regardless of commitment, having a monthly 'something' will make time go by as well as keep you productive. For me, I do Spartan Races, Crossfit comps, musicals, and of course, (here we go again) work out. But what's yours? Maybe you have a reading list. A financial goal. Whatever it is, do it!

What are your ways of dealing with the distance? If you mention something magical, odds are I won't believe you. For the rest of you, I'd love to hear! Sometimes, we blow the whole long distance shenanigans out of proportions. Remember, God has a plan! No amount of miles can stop him. So... trust. Sanity or no sanity. He'll see you through!

Philippians, Peanut Butter, and Other Ways We Stay Sane, Pt. 1

Do we look sane? 

One of the most popular questions I've been asked follows the patterns of: "How do you stay sane living in a long distance relationship?"

I'm always tempted to say, "Do we look sane?"

But then I remember I want to have at least a few friends, so I zip it.

I'm then tempted to say, "I yell at Jacob a lot, get mad at him, stop missing him, and console myself with a large dose of happy solitude."

But then I realize that statement makes little to no sense, both in syntax, meaning, and... well. Yeah.

Maybe I should go back with the insanity theory? Ah, no.

Let's make a list, since that's what cultured people do. 

How do we stay sane?

-We work out. Yes. we're workout junkies to begin with, so maybe that's why this one works so well. It's something we're comfortable with, something that is like therapy. Plus, what's the bad part of doing a few burpees? Oh. Right. You smell sweaty. Well. Besides that.

-We make routines and schedules and STICK TO THEM. Don't just sit around and mope, or guess what? All you will have to look back on is... sitting back and moping. Get out. Sign up. Do stuff. Don't overwork or over commit, but remember to bloom where you are planted.

-Read your Bible. Or if I was hip, maybe I should say get in da wooooord man! But I'm not hip. So I repeat: read your Bible. For me, it's Psalms. Philippians. Proverbs. The gospels. But hey! I'm not God- he'll lead you to the verses you need most.

-This goes with the last one a bit, but pray. And no, don't just pray for the distance to close. Pray for the future. Pray for the other person in a mature, Christian way. Don't simply pray that you see them soon. Pray for spiritual guidance, for growth mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Pray that they honor God, pray that God takes care of them and their family.

-Peanut Butter is mine. It would be Jacob's if he could only eat it. But find something non-addictive and preferably lacking in white grain or sugar that you can eat after doing all those therapy burpees.

-Find a good support system. Be it your friends, parents, church, or all the above, find those who can help you get back up when you feel down in the dumps. Sometimes, you need a good kick in the pants. Believe me, I teach martial arts.

Long distance wasn't my choice. 

Okay. So it was. But here's the kicker! All this talk of sanity and maintaining feelings and hope across the miles and you know what? In the end, we give our best. But ultimately, it is God who carries this story.

Part 2 coming ASAP!

The In Betweens: 7 Things I've Learned After 7 Trips

"Nobody here knocking at my door,

the sound of silence I can't take anymore..."

-Armin Van Buuren

Well. It's 7 trips later and I'm still learning things about patience. I'm learning a little about the TSA (not much, I'm not sure anyone will ever fully figure them out) and a lot about the kindness and understanding of those around me. 

I'm learning a lot about maturity and a lot more about getting back up once you hit the ground. Isn't that funny? I train these habits all the time in MMA, but sometimes the 'real life' version is so, so... so much harder. A few things I've learned:

1. I miss the weirdest things about being together. Mostly things like brushing our teeth together, or going out and shoveling at 7:30pm. Or even running to the grocery store to pick up stuff for my mom. Or car rides. Or washing dishes. Or the fact that neither of us can remember where our precious cell phones are during each trip.

2. Airports just aren't as vast and scary as they used to be. After layovers, cancelled flights, broken planes, walking out onto a very wet and very windy tarmac at 10pm, I don't mind twiddling my thumbs at the average flights.

3. Going to bed on time is very important. Essentially, I'm an old person who needs sleep- so therefore, I insist that everyone goes to bed early whenever a Clifton is over. I kid. Mostly. BUT. After about 6 trips, I learned that if you don't get enough sleep, the last few days of the trip are very, very rugged. As in everyone is mopey and too tired to do anything. Not good news.

4. Jacob eats like 3 small ponies. Just in case anyone was wondering. And no, he would probably disagree and say he eats like 4 large ponies. The funny thing is, he is such a good southerner with such good southern manners, he will never ask for anything. In fact, anytime I've ever asked Jacob if he's hungry, he politely responds, "I'm okay for right now!" To which I responded something along the lines of, "You've said that the whole trip. If that was really the case, you'd probably be dead right now."

Needless to say, I made him eat just about 24/7. In other news, donate now to the Small Pony Fund!

5. Working out together is so much fun. I love working out. I do. But when I'm tired or grumpy or generally being a pain, I would rather take a nap. However, having someone to smack and be smacked into gear is wonderful. That, and Jacob and I can be workout junkies to our hearts content.

6. Waking up is the most exciting thing in the world during trips. Knowing there is another day defying the distance is amazing. Knowing you have another whole day to do crazy stuff, normal stuff, boring stuff, ANYTHING... it's a wonderful feeling.

7. Goodbyes are very hard. Tears are not a sign of weakness. Drop off zones at airports are my least favorite place in the world. Returning rides to airports are accompanied by a feeling unlike any other. It's an empty, twisting fear that even though you've got plans to see that person again, what if you never do? Why are you consciously, purposely driving your favorite person away so that they will get on a plane and fly over a thousand miles further away? Yes. Goodbyes are very hard indeed.

I've learned a zillion other things. But the biggest thing I've learned, bigger than a list sort of thing, is that God knows how to make a sad and silly person like me grow mature. I'm a far cry from perfect, but when I think back to the person I was in 2012... well. There's a miracle for you ;)

Oh. And something else I miss and have learned about these trips: When you go to the library together, read books about domestic cats, divorce, death, and Joel Osteen. Yeah. We're both grown up, aren't we?

The real question is, what is next?

Intermission: Of You and I (and Maybe Jacob)

"But You can do more in my waiting 

than in my doing I could do.

So I won’t run anymore.

I’m waiting on You..."

                                

                        -Bethany Dillon

2012

2013

So you're all caught up.

Isn't that nice? Maybe it's a little depressing if you were hoping for some hidden bit of information that hadn't been made obvious through Google or Facebook, I'm sorry to say you won't find it here either.

What you will find instead is this- a completely pointless post with a few comparative pictures that maybe none of you have seen... and maybe some things that you've never read.

Why?

Well. Personally, I've realized the best way to appreciate where you're going and where you're at is to remember what you were and what you are. Make sense?

So no, you won't find anything exciting here (i.e. Hey, my name's Beth and I'm moving to NC!!! ....sorry), but you will find a blast from the past, a peek from the future, and a sniffle or two of the present... and if you find yourself realizing that a year ago and a year away can make all the difference in someone (maybe your own) life, then I've succeeded.

Here we go.

June 21, 2012, 10:07PM:

Hey. 

I hope to run into you, figuratively, and maybe say something intelligent. If not, I'll say something unintelligent. Alright? Cool.

08/30/12

11/03/13

June 21, 2012, 10:45PM:

 I hope you know I waited for you. Even in the non air conditioned part of the house, sweating to death. If thats not something, I don't know what is. So go to bed feeling awful, thinking about the fact that I'm over here dying. HA. 

2012

                                                                            

2013 

September 27, 2012, 10:31PM:

 I'm just confused. There's a reason for everything. I just wish I knew so I could act accordingly. I know coming from your perspective, I'm probably coming across as a freakily blunt and strange person that is sucking the joy out of innocent online interaction. AGAIN. Whatever. Oh well. You know why? Because I'd rather be honest and know exactly what you think, rather than doing the culturally stupid wait-5-years-before-I-inform-you-of-what-I-think-this-means-to-me. And I think I do know what you think. But still. I need to know.

2013

2013

July 3rd, 2013, 2:10PM

This time last year, 'we' didn't exist. In fact, 'we' could have never been a reality... 'we' could have skipped off the surface of reality like a stone on water and bounced into oblivion. And in the end, you and I could have considered each other pointless, selfish, and worthless, and given up on talking and gone onto our separate ways.

2012

2013

But. God had a plan. God still has a plan. 

God always has a plan.


November 3rd, 2013, 7:04PM:

It's so funny to think that a year ago was actually... well. A year ago. And when you're lonely and tired and a bit worn out, that's when things get really ugly. That's when you want to change things and want things to get better, but you don't even know what better is. What is better? Really?

And that's when you realize that 2 years ago, you had no idea of what 2012 would bring, just as you have no idea what 2013 will melt into once 2014 rolls along- and yes, it will roll along. Do I really have to waste a year- a whole stinking year- waiting and planning trips and wondering and waiting!? Isn't there a better way, God?

Maybe there isn't a better way. Maybe there is. But all I know is, this is THE way God has planned for me. And statistically, logically, and psychologically speaking, this may not be the BEST way, but to God, it is the way for me. This is the plan.

Anyone ever feel like that? Like you're sitting around, or you're just not where you should be? I don't want to sound like a broken record, but think about it.

Where were you last year? Where are you now? And how has God used you since last year, even if it's been in the smallest of ways?

It's not much, but at the same time, it's everything. Life is a vapor, a breath. And if you're like me and you breathe all day, you understand how quickly a breath comes and goes.

So... think about it.

Part Twelve: Of God's Plans, Our Nerves, and the Depths of Despair

"But as I'm waiting there,

the devil on my shoulder stares

Laughing that the one thing I can't get is what I need..."

-Parachute

The best stories don't always have happy endings. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. So far, this story has had an awful lot of downs, but with each down came a remarkable, beautiful 'up' to follow. 

So, I couldn't help but wonder... where was the 'up' to follow this terrible down of not getting to see Jacob?! 

I felt like I had waited forever. I felt like God wasn't even giving me a clue as to what was happening. Not that he needed to fill me in... but it sure would be nice!

The morning after such a tragically emotionally day, I felt surprisingly calm. The events of the previous day still hung over me. I knew we still didn't know when we would meet. I knew things were uncertain (again!). But God had given me a sweet peace to keep me until he revealed what would happen. I didn't know how long it would last, but I rested in knowing God was still working. No matter how hard things became, I knew I had to trust.

Jacob and I texted back and forth. Neither of us slept very well the night before. I had tossed and turned and woke up every hour or so. He had stayed up too late, tried to sleep, then paced around. The stress of being so in love from so far away was an unbearable strain on both of us. 

When Jacob called me that morning, we both spoke in soft quiet voices. Neither of us really knew what else to say, but there was so much we wanted to say at the same time. My heart ached to simply be in the same state, never mind the same house, the same room as him. 

I played with the edge of my shirt as he gently reminded me of so many things I knew deep down, but needed to hear nevertheless. We discussed how potentially I could come to North Carolina with my mom and sisters in March. He gave me a few dates and I promised to check into it.

Long story short, because I honestly cannot remember exactly how it happened: within two days, I had plane reservations for me, my mom, and my sisters to fly to North Carolina from March 7-11th. 

It was real. I would get to meet Jacob Clifton. I was going to meet someone I'd met on the internet (the no-no they always tell you about, oops), I was going to meet someone I'd never met, but had fallen head over heels for.

It was happening.

I wish I could remember how such a wild thing happened, but with the crazy emotions, lack of sleep, and wild amount of prayer, I can't tell you. Somehow, God pulled everything together and blessed us with the ability for the trip to work. 

Despite my dwindling faith, he had given me a chance to see Jacob.

Not surprisingly, I was stunned into disbelief when we purchased the plane tickets. it didn't seem real. Jacob didn't exactly believe it either. The whole thing felt like a dream that I might wake up from. I was happy however, no doubt about that!

I, Beth Kneuer, was going to see Jacob Clifton. It felt far too wonderful to be really happening. I tried to imagine what it would be like to turn my head and see him in real life. What would it be like to get to hug him. What it would be like to have a real, tangible person to go with that wonderful voice I'd heard a thousand times.What it would be like to have my fingers intertwined with his. What it would be like to even be in the same room! 

Ladies and gentlemen, let the countdown begin. Beth Kneuer and Jacob Clifton were going to meet. I was going to the home turf of the Cliftonites and yes, I was scared. I was excited yet terrified. There was so much I had to prove to so many people. How was I going to manage? There were so many things I needed to get ready. Was I ready? Of course I was, but...

Days seemed to move slowly, but I took it as a blessing. I needed as much time as possible to get ready. At the same time however, I wished I could meet him right then and there. I guess I would have to wait and allow time to move at it's own speed.

First 16 days... then 10 days... and suddenly, I was a week out from meeting him. 

Tomorrow, I will wake up and it will be a week until I see Jacob for the first time. I'm nervous. He says he's not hit by it yet. I think in the end, we're both freaked out. It's ridiculously scary when God uses you in amazing ways, because even though you know in spirit that everything will work out for good, in your frail human body, you fear that everything will fly out from under your feet. It's a rational fear. The question is, which is stronger: your faith, or your fear?

Maybe it was fair for both of us to be scared to meet the other. Considering all things, we were spending a good deal of money and time to make this happen. Families were involved. Fragile hearts were involved. There were times things felt so out of our control, so scary, and so nerve wrecking. 

One evening after a particularly exhausting workout at a fight gym, I got to hear my favorite person on the phone. It was a happy surge to hear him speak. It always is. Yet, something didn't sound right. 

It wasn't that he was disinterested, but he sounded discouraged. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure that I was right in my guessing. I didn't want to guess wrong by mistake. When we finally hung up, he texted me to say that he was sorry he was in a lousy mood. Being the good almost girlfriend I am, I called him back in point 5 seconds.

I couldn't help but let my voice drop to a softer tone. I didn't know what was wrong, if it was something big or little. It didn't matter. Whenever Jacob hurts, I hurt. It somehow gets transferred across a thousand miles to me. Whether it's a serious hurt, an annoyance, a grievance. It could have been anything. I'd still feel it from this far away.

He was feeling the 8 days rushing up against him. There was too much to get done, too little time. Too much to get ready. 

I knew exactly what he was thinking. Goodness, to count up the number of things I wanted to change for the better in order to be 'ready' for him would take forever. I gently reminded him that we would be just how we needed to be when we first met, no matter how unready we felt. God would prepare us to be just as we should be. 

We simply needed to trust. 

I knew that as I spoke to him, I was speaking to myself. 

Trust. 

Believe. 

If God brought you this far, you know he will keep you safe. He won't let you go.

When I hung up for the second time that night, I knew I hadn't made a dent in Jacob's less than sunny mood. I felt awful. I felt like I let him down because it was my job to make everything better. It was my job to remind him of just what he meant to me and bring out the happier colors during grey moments. 

I felt like a dismal failure. I resorted to about 5 voicemails after 9pm to try and articulate what I felt. It's so hard to convey emotion through little words. It's so hard to get across something as vast as love when all you've got is some weak collections of letters to form a world of feeling.

After the voicemails, I went to bed praying for every fear and worry Jacob had. I prayed that God would build him into the man he was supposed to be. I prayed that God would help him in college studies, that he would heal him from all his injuries, that God would get both of us ready for that first encounter. 

I fell asleep only to wake up quite frequently thinking about Jacob. I prayed every time I woke up only to drift back into sleep. I dreamed about Jacob coming to visit. It was unbelievable how happy we were together. I specifically remember seeing his smile and thinking just how beautiful it was. I specifically remember walking up and down my dead end street at 2:46am (yes, that number exactly) talking about nothing... just holding onto each other's hands and dreams about whatever was ahead of us. It sounds silly, but I returned to that street with him after each sleepy prayer I prayed.

In the morning, it was a jolt that woke me up. I HAD TO PRAY FOR JACOB. I had to. I texted him early because I could. I waited for him to write back because I was sure he was tutoring. When he finally did text me back around 12pm, he simply stated that it was a rough day already. I felt crushed because I hurt for him. I didn't care what it was, I wanted to fix it. 

I left a voicemail first, but then he called back. I had never heard him sound so upset. I was a bit taken back because it's always been him consoling me. It was strange to hear him so shaken up... and it all had to do with meeting me for the first time. He was nervous. I was nervous. 

I wished I knew what to say. I want to say something that will make a difference, but I find myself repeating the same things, saying those small words again with a hint of regret that I can't do more. 

Feel better, please. I want you to feel better.

Like so many times in the past, I was torn apart by hearing him that way. I wanted to be closer. I wanted to say something more than the silly nothings spurting out of my clumsy mouth. Darn it. 

Why couldn't I say what I want to? I wished I could speak like he does. He always knows what to say.

"Promise me you're feeling better?" I asked tentatively as the phone call came to a close.

"Well... I can promise you I feel better than I did," he replies with what sounds like a smile.

We hung up. We worked on CollegePlus election stuff. We moved forward. But I still felt like there was unfinished business. I couldn't move forward until I fixed him up! I knew it was impossible for me to completely remove all his doubts and fears, but I wished to God I could. I would take them all for him in a second. If only.

Workout, cooking, clean up, running around, but I still felt a hurt over Jacob's hurt. He texted me, but things still felt off. All through dinner and afterwards I felt a sense of guilt that I should've done something differently. I should've been more reassuring. I should've said more. Finally, I decided that it's been enough. 

Despite the ice and snow coming down in sweeping gusts outside, I needed to drive over to my friend Kaitie's house and pray over this whole thing. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was being dumb. Maybe. But nothing is too dumb for prayer.

I explained to Kaitie just how confused and hurt I was. I didn't know how to fix Jacob's fears, but I wanted to. I was confused as to how to make it happen (it had been awhile since I'd been confused, high time that word comes back around). 

I told her just how much I wanted to take all that hurt and confusion upon myself so he didn't need to feel it. In just over a week, I would be meeting him for the first time. I had a desperate need for complete faith that God would orchestrate everything perfectly. 

The fear sets in in the in between.

Phone calls over nothing much. 

Sneaking feelings that everything still isn't perfectly normal. 

Worrying like Pepper Potts over my Ironman.

Drive home in the cold snow and know the crunch under the tires burns such little distance in comparison to the distance between you and him. Praying while crossing the icy, slippery roads that God is keeping him safe, that God is filling him with peace and confidence. Praying that he isn't annoyed with your constant fussing. Praying that your obsessive love isn't coming across as nosy and obnoxious.

Drive home and park again. The sky is pink, the sky is still light. Closing in on a week, and even in this 'final hour' God is still working. God is still setting the pieces. Keep trusting.

Jacob, whatever you're doing right now, wherever you are, I love you. And if it hurts at all, if it makes you smile, if it stretches or pinches or pulls, know that it is all for our good and God has a purpose. I love you for you. I love you for the way God is going to use you.

In just over a week, we'll see things from a new perspective. But for now, I sit awake much too late thinking about you and praying that God is doing things for our good in whatever way he must. 

Someday, we'll understand.