The LOVELY 'Do-It-All' Woman

Culture says to do it all.

All of it. Constantly. Do it 24/7 and post about it on Facebook, too! This idea is particularly prevalent when it comes to women.

If you are not in a career, working out, volunteering, blogging, active on social media, raising meticulously delicious children, keeping a clean house, styling outrageously fashionable hair, participating in community events, handling finances well, AND staying emotionally stable... well by golly, something must be wrong with you!

Let me make a few points clear right from the get go. 

1. I believe there is nothing wrong with women working.

2. I believe there is nothing wrong with women staying home and having kids (and subsequently not holding an official job).

Sometimes, discussing this topic can lead readers to believe the writer is for or against one or the other to a certain degree, so I figured I should clear the air on that one :) 

Now, back to what I was saying!

THE MOTHER

Culture paints a very demeaning portrait of the woman who stays at home with the kids. Culture says this woman is not contributing to the income of the household, that she is 'wasting', that she is not making a name for herself.

Correction: this women is raising the next generation of human beings. She is raising human beings to love God, work hard, and help others. Truly, there is no profession more noble (or difficult!) than that of bringing up children and turning them in to responsible, God fearing adults. This woman shapes the world.

However, that being said, I also will say this: I believe women should not feel disgraced or less for not having children, either by choice or design. As I said, raising children is noble, but the lack of children is not evil.

THE HOMEMAKER

They say home is where the heart is, but it takes a special person to make a house (or apartment) a home! Let's face it. The majority of men would be living out of bleak and barely decorated housing with bleak and barely seasoned food if it were not for the ladies. KEEP IN MIND I SAID THE MAJORITY. Men are perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning and decorating, but women are more natural in this area by a majority.

Culture tells us that homes should be immaculate, well decorated, fashionably styled, and clean. But I ask you: how the heck can you run and maintain a home of such nature when you are running around like the apocalypse is on your heels due to work scheduling, children, weekly duties, etc?

Allow me to say this: being busy is a popular thing. It's cool these days. But I beg the woman of today to consider that maybe it is worth stepping back, if at all possible, to ensure the cleanliness and overall completeness of a home.

THE PROFESSIONAL

The working woman! From a personal stance, I find no fault in the working woman, following these conditions:

1. If she is married, her job does not consume her to the point of corroding her marriage relationship and her ability to take care of her husband and home.

2. It does not emotionally drain her to the point of lashing out irrationally at those around her.

3. The job is Biblical and does not force her to act in a way that goes against her beliefs.

Culture says have kids- and get a job, too! Because you are NOT successful and contributing if you do not hold a job and raise kids to boot. 

Granted, some women are placed in circumstances that leave them faced to raise children and hold a job- be it they are single moms or the family income is not quite enough to fully support the family. If it is decided best for the woman to hold a job (for however long need be), so be it. 

My main point being this: no woman should feel lessened for not being a human circus in terms of raising kids and holding a career/job.

THE ATHLETE

Anyone who knows me can say with great honesty that I firmly believe in staying active and healthy. It's refreshing, it's calming, it's good for you! However, culture puts up a very bitter stance when it comes to fitness and health. Be yourself and be beautiful the way you are... but also work your butt off every day and get in shape and get 6 PACK ABS, DOGONIT.

I say go for it. If you want to get in shape. Do it. My personal motto is, if you want to do it, find a way.

That being said, the way our culture goes out to 'just do it', usually leaves the family in shambles in one way or another. Because women are working so much, this leave work out times either very early or very late. 

This, in turn, means that the kiddos get the bus or some other treatment, because mom is working out and doesn't have time for that. Or, kids get home from school (or dropped off at whatever activities they are doing), and don't see mom for a good long while, because she is at the gym. 

Again, I believe everyone should have time to work out. But are you noticing a theme? How can a woman possibly be a do-it-all woman? How can you do everything 100% without something sacrificing a little? And why is it the things that sacrifice first are often the things that are so important?

THE LADY

I don't even need to go to far into describing this one. Culture says you should have flawless skin, beautiful hair, pedicured nails, dress well, etc etc. However, what the 'lady' looks like on the inside is very undersold. The do-it-all woman of today can swear, drink, gossip, slander, and give little to no benefit of the doubt in conversation.

I'm not saying I have never messed up, nor am I saying a true lady is perfect. I am simply pointing out how eager we are to spruce up our outer appearance, while letting our character drown in the modern female stress relief of today.

THE INTELLECTUAL

In addition to all the things listed thus far, let me add this: the do-it-all woman should be intelligent!

Book smart, money smart, people smart... you name it. I agree, this is a highly important skill. However, given the many other numerous things listed already, the read may agree that it will be difficult to find time to clip coupons, feel relaxed and able to converse with others respectfully, take time to learn things, and all around be an intellectual when one is flying about at a frenzied speed trying to accomplish all the previously listed things.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.

The amazing and lovely do-it-all woman. I personally do not strive to be the do-it-all woman. There are time in my life I will need to chase certain elements of this character more than others, however I refuse to kill myself in an effort to make the culture (and those so eager to grasp onto the ideals of the culture) happy. I will love and honor God first, love and respect my husband second, and love and respect myself third. I will not idolize the do-it-all woman, because the do-it-all woman is killing herself and most likely, harming those around her as well.

Do not be lazy, but do not be shamed into trying to fulfill the roles of too many.

As for me, I will be a do-it-well woman and leave the results up to God.

Let's Talk About Being Different!

I can't imagine I'm the only one.

I've dreamed of making a difference. I've prayed that God would use me in a mighty way. I've considered all the means by which I could be a game changer. Don't we all want to be special and look back on our lives to realize we were important? That we would be heroes on any given scale?

Maybe it's just me. But I'd like to think there is at least one other soul out there who feels the same.

In that case, let's talk about impossible. Let's talk about our plans and God's plans. Let's talk about different.

I DREAD being the same as everyone else. I dread it like little kids might dread day old oatmeal (unless you were me as a little kid. I kinda liked it. And I was proud of it too, because it made me different. See? I'm a weirdo).

I don't want to be different as in I feel the need to express myself in the way I dress/talk/act to get attention. I want to be different for the better. Well. Apart from the oatmeal illustration.

NOTE: I do not say this to shame or slam the way anyone is doing anything. Doing things the same as everyone else is just fine in most circumstances. Take brushing your teeth. Teeth are good. Brushing them is better. But how you brush them? Alright alright... you get what I'm saying. Maybe.

But don't we all want to be doing things for the better? Of course. But sometimes, if it involves doing something DRASTICALLY, unexpectedly different, our feeble grey matter turns a little more grey and all we can say is, 'um', or occasionally 'um uh'.

Why? Because suddenly doing something different for the better becomes uncomfortable, scary, and NOT what we wanted. Furthermore, we get so caught up in how nasty our current circumstances are, that we forget about 'being different', 'making a change', and all those other things, because all we can see in front of us is a pile of garbage. You feel like shouting at God to remind him that you wanted to make a difference, that you wanted to do good in the world- not dig tunnels in trash.

Let me make something clear, as far as I understand it:

1. If you want impossible things to happen, expect impossible things to happen.
2. Sometimes you DO become a game changer, you just never notice until you were in it.
3. Sometimes, impossible is not what you think it is.
4. Lastly, how do you want to remember these circumstances?

In my case, I never in a million years dreamed of teaching martial arts to kids, doing college through self study at home, meeting a boy in North Carolina through said college studying, flying out to meet said boy sight unseen, crying in a dojo because of said boy, juggling a long distance relationship while maintaining one of America's most unusual jobs, eventually marrying North Carolina boy at 21 years old, continuing to teach martial arts via Skype, continuing to teach martial arts in a program I started in North Carolina, and most of all, I never expected to be okay with all the little bits and pieces that felt like they were tearing me apart during such events.

I was a field hockey player. I had a scholarship to play DII field hockey. And somehow, I thought that I was achieving the impossible- a homeschool student who started playing in 8th grade with no friends, on a team that never won, would get to play field hockey at the collegiate level.

And just like that, God said no. Despite scholarships and the college cutting corners, I wouldn't be able to afford to go. I was devastated. For years and years, I had been praying for God to use me in a big way. Just when I thought he was, the carpet was pulled out from under me. Why?

Because I had no idea what impossible was. Because impossible would find me at a different time, when I wouldn't even think what I was doing was impossible or special at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: if you want to make a difference, pray. Pray that God will use you to be different for the better and then expect all sorts of things to happen. Notice I didn't say exciting, wonderful, AMAZING things. I just said things. And regardless of what they are, praise Him and be positive.

Good or bad, make the most of your circumstances. Look back on them and know you did your best. Remember that God's plans are always better than ours. Turns out for me, being a martial arts instructor and best friend to a football player who is a mathematical maniac was a better plan than collegiate field hockey. Who knew? Certainly not me!

I know not everyone shares my beliefs when it comes to faith in God. But if you take nothing else away from this, take this: do not let your circumstances determine your state of mind. Believe in impossible, different for the better, and game changing.

I believe in God and I hold my faith close. The road I'm on may get bumpy, it may seem impossible... but that's when I see my God to impossible things to get me through and show me how much I am worth.

"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."

Why I Need My Best Friend (And He Needs Me)

It's an unbelievably beautiful experience to live with your best friend. To know them better than anyone else. To trust them more than anyone else. To entrust them with more than you could ever have imagined entrusting anyone with anything. To believe in them and love them even when things are harder than hard. To rejoice with them when things are more magnificent than you could have ever dreamed.

He takes care of me even when he doesn't have to. Some might refer to this as 'spoiling', but spoiling makes me think of vegetables covered in mold, so let's not go there. My best friend knows when I need gentle kind words, but also when I need a kick in the pants. Usually it's a kick in the pants. He tailors his day around making me smile and feel safe, even though I didn't ask him to do any of this.

He praises me for achievements & encourages me.
You see, I like working out. But since I married my best friend, I've been going crazy with workouts- not because I suddenly have all this energy, free time, and human growth hormones. No. It's because I have someone who praises me when I accomplish what I set out to do and encourages me to keep getting better. However, it's not just about workouts. This applies to cleaning the house, making breakfast, teaching martial arts, the way I interact with others, etc etc. My best friend keeps me improving because I want to make him proud.

He works hard for not just himself, but both of us.
Be it sick or healthy, my best friend puts forth his best efforts because he is not just working for himself, but for me as well. He works because he loves me. Together, we are building our future.

He makes me happy even when things are hard.
This first year of marriage has involved moving so many times, uncertainty for the future, where we will be even 3 months from now, and so much more. His sense of humor, faith, and passion for being optimistic and hilarious at all times is a thousand times more brilliant than anything that glitters.

He is a visionary like me.
He doesn't view marriage as a union that involves squabbles, poverty, 10 zillion babies right off the pop, a diamond ring, and a box of polaroids from the wedding to be hung wall to wall. He challenges my thinking about everything and makes me realize so many things in our culture don't have to be the way they are. My best friend believes in being different. So do I.

I need my best friend. He needs me. And that's what is so beautiful about marriage.

Why 'We're Just Friends!' Is A Big Fat Lie

I've spent a lot of time talking about relationships, but sometimes, the question isn't about the relationship. Sometimes, it's about the relationship. Yep. That's the one. The one EVERYONE knows about, but IS NOT, BY GOLLY IS NOT a relationship. Everyone KNOWS what it is, but NOBODY says what it is because if they do, the offending commentator is shot down with, "we're not in a relationship! We're just friends! Gosh we've always been just friends you chowderheaded weasel!"

Riiiight. Follow so far?

You know what I mean. Or you will. Guy meets girl. Girl meets guy. They talk, hang out, text endlessly, and a 'relationship' begins to form. Is it romantic? Is flirtatious? Is it just friends? Is it preliminary? How the heck does anyone know?

And there are more guys and girls who have asked themselves: what am I supposed to do?

I like this guy/girl, but I don't know if they like me... and I don't even know if I'm ready for a relationship. And I don't want to hurt their feelings. But what if they feel the same way? What if they don't?

Yes, sometimes it can also be the other way around.

I really do enjoy talking to them, but I don't think I LIKE like them... but gosh it's so much fun talking to him/her. I don't want to end things just because I MIGHT not like them that way. And besides, it's not my fault if they like me, right? I'm just talking to them, so I can't be leading them on or anything.

I'm sure I'm going to step on some toes, so lace up the steel toed boots:

Rule #1: Guys and girls cannot be 'just friends' if there is too much exclusive attention. Sure, at first things are all peachy, but given enough time and enough one on one attention, somebody is bound to question where things are going and if the other person is the one. Lawd I hate that word.

Texting and social media is huge in regards to this. Sure, maybe you don't hang out with him, just the two of you. Sure, you only see him in person in group settings so there is NO way anyone (including you) should consider anything to be exclusive about the two of you. But as soon as you get home, you whip out the phone, pull up facebook, and BAM- endless hours are sucked away into the not-a-relationship void. And next thing you know, one of you is going to get more attached than you meant to get attached.

Rule #2: Somebody needs to say something about where things are going. There is a reason you started exclusively texting/talking/communicating/hanging out. It's either you or him/her, but one of you felt something- otherwise, why would you spend HOURS devoted exclusively to the other person? I'm not talking about an assigned partner for a school project- I'm talking about you and the other person, of your free will, taking the time to learn more and more about each other.

After a while, someone needs to speak up and ask: where are we going with this?

It's not a fun question to make, because it makes people uncomfortable and brings up a few pointers, such as 1) What do you believe is the point of relationships? 2) Are you ready to be in a committed relationship with me? 3) Do you want a committed relationship with me?

But ask yourself, who do you want to fall in love with? Because yes, that's where this is all going if we follow the road long enough. Who do you want to fall in love with? Who do you want to be your best friend? Because it's easy to fall in love with someone who is always in the comfort zone. What are they like when you ask them hard questions and challenge them? Are they the same person? Find out now, not in marital counseling. Yes, that may sound a little harsh, but again what is the point of relationships? If the end goal is marriage, don't white wash his/her personality in hopes of painting a prettier picture now, because the paint may look nice, but the canvas is going to rot given enough time.

Rule #3: If it's not for sale, don't market it. A lot of times, we think of 'selling ourselves' to exclusively refer to the overexposure of the body (and in regards to girls). However, does anyone stop to think about other ways we sell ourselves? Our words. Our actions. Our demeanor.

When in the grey zone of relationships, there is a whole lot of attention to give and take- and people LOVE it. For girls and guys, having a someone who thinks enough of them to spend oodles of time devoted to just them leads to all kinds of good feelings. Next thing you know, you're trying very hard in all outlets to impress the other person and keep that attention. Their hobby, their lifestyle, their beliefs, it all becomes important to us because we like the attention and we want it to keep coming.

Do you really love fill-in-the-blank as much as you say you do? Do you really talk like that around other people, or just around him/her? Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it to keep things rolling? Don't be a false advertiser.

Rule #4: Don't be a little flirt. Ouch. Sorry if this one hurt, but I'm going to go with it and say yes- some of you out there are little flirts and you know it. Hint: flirting is all about giving and getting attention, two things that won't really help build a solid relationship (if that's what you're looking for) one lick. And if you're not looking to build a solid relationship, well, I'm sorry, but there's a word for people like you. Pickle. I kid. Not really. Okay, yes.

Flirting has it's place. I like to flirt, but I'm married and I have a lifelong flirting partner (note: the art of flirting is fun to dabble in, but you must earn it, sorry!) so there's that. If you're in the grey zone of relationships and you find yourself moaning about how you don't want to lead him/her on, you don't know what's going on, you just wish you knew where you both stood, allow me to help by asking this: are you being a flirt?

Flirting can be subtle. I don't need to go into it, because if you have half a conscious, you KNOW when you've said, written, or done something that can be construed as flirty.

Needless to say, if you hear someone (yourself included) hastily spit out, "we're just friends, you frothing idiot!" in relation to a guy and girl combo who exclusively talk/text/etc a whole lot, consider that to be a fair sign of a potential, probable, big fat lie.

I'll be honest, this was a hard one to write because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But let's be honest and cut to the chase: relationships aren't build on cheap thrills, dancing around the truth, and mirages. Relationships are built with faith, trust, and wild romance (if you know what's good for you!).

Just 'friends'? Maybe it's time to evaluate where you're at. Questions, comments, and slander welcome!

When the Going Gets Tough (And Tires Get Flat)

I was busy watching Jacob carry boxes and bags of our belongs to our car (Burton. The car's name is Burton), marveling at the fact that I'd never seen anyone wear dress shoes and athletic shorts in the same outfit. In the flurrying snow. In the dark. Ah, now we're getting somewhere.

It was late and after a full day involving our secondary, NC wedding reception, we were thoroughly looking forward to crashing. Most of our stuff was already packed squarely away in the car, so all we really had to do was throw in the remaining bits and head off to our first apartment! We flopped in the car and off we go!!!

But that's the tragedy of life. When you tell yourself, 'off we go!', life often says, 'you're an idiot'.

And after rolling out 2 feet in reverse, we stopped the car, jumped out, and I marveled yet a second time that evening... as to how a tire could be so, so flat.

It was like... a black, squished marshmallow. That had been squished a lot.

And so there we were, standing in the snow and freezing wind... and I mulled over the fact that I was a moron for wearing a thin, sleeveless shirt and short athletic shorts with athletic slides while it was snowing.

Oh, and that Burton had a flat, flat tire and I just wanted to go home.

But why am I telling you all this?

I'm taking the liberty to write a little bit outside of my permitter today, yet I believe this applies especially to relationships, so the concept is still within romantic boundaries.

Adversity. You know it when you taste it, because it tastes like dirt. Or moss. The kind you might find at a crafting store to put into those little potted plants with the styrofoam and fake twiggies.

Adversity. It shows our true colors, they tell us. Because let's face it, when the going gets tough, people turn into little crabs. Nasty, little crabs.

In marriage and relationships, adversity is a potential plague. It's a mold that would love to rot out nice big chucks of your happiness... yet at the same time, it can do the exact opposite if you let it. Shall I explain? I think I will. Back to the squished tire.

I was a little panicked, but not too bad. Mostly I was exhausted and freezing and exhausted, which can make ANYTHING seem way worse that it is. And freezing. I did I mention I was freezing? Which meant all of this was dandy, but after being awake 17 hours in a car the day before, I wasn't feeling up to adventure. I would much rather have cried. Still, as I looked at that flat tire, God reminded me of something better to focus on.

"At least this didn't happen yesterday when we were in Pennsylvania or something, right?"

As I said it, I realized this was very true. All in all, things were okay. I was cold, I was tired, and I had to help move ALL our jam packed stuff out of Burton and into Jacob's van so Jacob and I could finally leave (which took a good bit of time and courage against the cold!), but we were safe, we had another drivable vehicle, we had a home to go to, and we had each other.

I apologize for using a flat tire as my analogy, but heck, it was bummin' at first sight with that flat tire. I felt like I was so close to having sealed up our NH to NC adventure so very nicely, and the BAM. Bump in the road (or flat in the tire).

Adversity can kill our motivation, our optimism, our gratefulness, our love, our passion, our desire to achieve great things, our hope, our faith, our patience, our character... or it can build them up stronger than ever before. 

In the end, be it family, work, relationships, marriage, or just life in whole, adversity teaches us two things: to believe in faith and to smile with courage. All struggles will pass. A new one may take it's place as soon as the old one fades, true. Broken heaters, no job, death in the family, terminal illness, a parasite within your marriage, family feuds that won't go away, Murphy's Law being... well, Murphy's Law, junked cars, losing your friends, even silly little things like math tests, bad traffic, and head colds.

In your world, will you be a rock of optimism, faith, and trust?

The glory of adversity is not in praising ourselves when the storm has passed. It is in the prayers that God will be brought glory through our struggles- that in the end, our adversity may be someone else's banner to hold when they struggle the same as we did. 

Life is hard, God is good. Things in the world are very, very ugly.

"But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Where's the Man I Married?!?!

Marriage is an adventure. And a journey. It is a long trip, one that will have ups and downs, but most of all, it will leave you wondering, why did I spend my money on this?

My bad! We're talking about money, not the opening night of The Hobbit: The Destitution of Smog.

Whoops.

Back to marriage. There are articles upon articles bemoaning the vanishing act of the other person's original self after marriage. These articles discuss things such as 'why is my wife different after the wedding?', 'why did my spouse change after we got married?', and of course, 'where's the man I married!?!?!'.

We'd like to break down for the blog audience WHY your spouse is different now that you're married.

(Warning for those who suffer from seasonal allergies or lactate intolerance, satire ahead.)

PROOF HE'S CHANGED:

"The man I married would never leave a wad of balled up socks on the kitchen counter!"

Actually, yes, he would. A lot of people leave socks in balls, piles, or what I like to call 'scrunching', aka the blobbing of socks into a 3-4 sock wad. And why would they be on the kitchen counter? Because the kitchen is where the food is. Be smart, woman. This is not a carnal sin. This is time efficiency... if you're a lazy bum.

"The man I married would never look like that first thing in the morning!"

You should see how you look first thing in the morning. National Geographic warned us what sloths looked like, but you plunged onward into marriage anyways. So really, this is not your fault or his fault, it's just science. Or it's just his poor genetics.

"The man I married would never act like THIS!"

If by this you mean dancing around the kitchen (note: husbands don't leave the kitchen) and making incoherent sounds, while shoving their face, while watching youtube videos you thought only 6th graders found hilarious, and while NOT washing the huge pile of dishes in the sink, then congratulations! You have been hoodwinked. Shame on you. I'd call Sears and see how long the warranty is.

PROOF SHE'S DIFFERENT:

"The girl I married would never be so neglectful of how she looks!"

And by neglectful, we mean she's on workout #2 of the day, so she hasn't showered. And yes, she looks like a sweet little dollop of sweat. Oh. Just kidding. She's just wearing yoga pants while sipping chai. Again.

"The girl I married would never be so lazy!"

Says the guy who leaves little lumpy sock piles on the counters.

"The girl I married would be more attentive to my needs!"

Hey, she did let you leave the socks on the counter.
______________________________________________

BASICALLY, WHAT I'D LOVE TO GET ACROSS IS THIS.

Nobody changes in marriage. Well, sure, time matures or de-matures us. We get new hobbies, lose interest in old ones, we experience love and loss. But the BIG categories- the things we like to complain about: laziness, appearance, attentiveness, attraction, work ethic, caring, kindness, falling in love... these are things that 1) we are in charge of maintaining and 2) we are in charge of forgiving and renewing when there is a lapse.

If we could stop focusing on all that is a 'problem' in our marriages and start working on finding the 'solutions', wouldn't that be for the better? Shouldn't we keep our eyes on what is pure, lovely, and right (Philippians 4:8)?

"But what if my spouse isn't willing to be a part of the solution? What if I'm the only one willing to change?"

This is a big question and I'd go so far as to say a few things.

1) Pray. Prayer is more powerful than a lot of us give credit for.

2) This bump in the marital road probably should have been addressed before marriage. Yes, we can't predict EVERY action of our spouse/future spouse, but if during the dating process you assume those little nicks in their personality will go away, you just did yourself in.

3) Are they really unwilling to change? Or do you want them to change simply because you're viewing the situation from only your point of view?

As mentioned, I can't cover every single variation of a situation regarding this, however I'd like to think I've made my point. Where's the man you married? He's sleeping next to you, he's washing the dishes, he's kissing you, he's working hard every day for you, he's praying for you, he's loving you.

Marriage is the potential for betterment of two people. That's my two cents- keep the change ;)

10 Things I've Learned About Being Married

Well into a month of marriage, I'm pumping out posts like crazy. I can't help it, I suppose. Everything is so new and exciting, so different and strange... but all together wonderful. Disclaimer: my marriage experience was/is different than most in that not only did I move out, but I moved to a different state, completely changed occupation, scheduling, and lifestyle, and left my family in New Hampshire.

Whatever the case, marriage reveals things. Married people explained it to me like this- you'll realize all the bad habits of the other person, the things you always kinda took for granted are now viewed in dollar signs, and you'll get stressed out in the beginning of marriage because all you can eat is rice, dirt, and houseplants.

Well. Now that I'm into the whole marriage thing, I think I'm qualified to post up some things I've learned.

1. You learn to cook on a budget with what you have like a boss.
It's a skill you both acquire and refine. I've made some unusual things that all taste different, but are made with basically the same ingredients- sometimes, those ingredients include spelt flour and water.

2. You forget about yourself in the face of your spouse's needs.
Oh the number of times Jacob has gone out of his way to do things for me even it wasn't convenient for him. It's a big number. I hope that I do the same for him! I don't really need to spell this one out- if you're doing it, you know what it means!

3. Trips to the grocery store are better than monopoly (and induce hollering and high fives).
Say it ain't so. Being on a budget can be miserable... unless you turn being on a budget into a game. Trips to the store usually mean I'll be forced to do math (thank you, Jacob), but we both feel happy as a lark (larks? larky? larkens?) driving home when we 'win' the budget game.

4. Weekends are the best days.
I don't like saying goodbye to Jacob. I like the days when it's him and me together best of all. This equals workouts together, hanging out with his family, Psych marathons, cooking together, talking, and planning for the future.

5. Good morning, good night, goodbye, and hello kisses are the best.
Let's face it. Kisses, in general, are awesome. That's about all I have to say.

6. Home is where the heart is.
There are days I've wondered what the heck this means. I now know full well. I have cried multiple times due to being away from Beyond the Belt, because it's my home. It's where my family is. It's because I miss it so much. I also miss my normal family (teehee), and I miss Jacob when he's away at work. But when I have these things back in my life, I'm so utterly and completely full. It fills up my heart to the brim. When Jacob and I had a long distance relationship, it was much the same. it doesn't matter what your 'home' looks like, sounds like, or anything else. If your heart is there, it's your home.

7. Working out together wins over all.
No lie, no lie, no lie... one of the things that drew me to Jacob from the get go was his passion for workouts. Now that we're married, things have been a whirlwind in terms of where we live, what space we have, how warm it is, etc etc, so working out hasn't always been easy. However, having a workout buddy who is also your motivation and competition is severely helpful in not only maintaining, but increasing PR weight, scheduling, and staying on top of your game in general. It's also taught me that circumstance and situation should never define your determination to succeed.

8. Inside jokes abound.
I'd post them here, but I'd have to kill you.

9. There is nothing as rewarding as a hardworking best friend.
If only I could describe how hard and how diligently Jacob works for me each day.  I remember when we first started talking about getting married and what it would entail, the one thing Jacob told me was that he didn't want me to have to work out of necessity, no matter what that meant for him. I remember feeling a little bit shocked... I didn't think those kinds of people existed anymore! True to his word, Jacob has done so much for us. I still work small, part time jobs for Beyond the Belt, but Jacob has astounded me with how much he means well and cares.

10. Marriage brings out the creativity you didn't know you had.
Ah, the first year. Or month. Or few weeks. It causes you to realize just what it means to be 'on your own', and not in the Les Miserables sort of way (unless, of course, you truly are les miserables, in which case, condolences). Budgets, as mentioned, housing, schedules, EVERYTHING has a new light to it- and you begin to cut corners, tie bows, reimagine things, so on and so forth, in order to best make things work with what you have. Surprisingly, you find yourself patting your own back due to the miraculous wonders you behold. Who knew you could be so original?!


So there you have it. Just married? Married for a while? Not married at all? Soon to be married?

(I think I covered most everyone.)

If you have any thoughts, feel free to share!

Focusing On The //real// Stuff In Life

Wedding planning makes you really think about things in life.

Post wedding planning makes you really think about grown up life.

And grown up life really makes you feel like everything else in life was a pretty coloring book- the kind you could use water and a paint brush with to make the colors appear.

Things like cars and money and health and people and relationships and personal belongings and paperwork and jobs and all that goody good real stuff... it's real. And not so good all the time. 

Like losing your job. Or totaling your car. Or losing a loved one or a relationship. Or messing up some 'serious BIG person' paperwork.

But the really REAL stuff isn't the money in your wallet or the friends on your friends list. It's the faith, patience, love, kindness, and trust that matter. Above all, faith, as "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen," Hebrews 11:1.

Perhaps the best example I can think of is Matthew 14:22-32. Peter was all cool with trusting Jesus, up until things started to look 'bad'. He was WALKING ON WATER! But all he could focus on was the wind and how bad and big and REAL that was. And in that moment, he started to sink.

If he could have only kept his eyes on what was really REAL. Jesus Christ was smack dab in front of him. He was walking on water. But as soon as the earthly things got more 'real', he lost vision and focus.

How many times do we do this? We have something 'bad' happen to us, and suddenly that earthly encounter becomes more real than the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

Oh you of little faith. All of us. 

Or what about the Israelites making their way out of Egypt? Who freaking cares about the fact that God parted the Red Sea and allowed human beings to cross the ocean DRY?

All they wanted to know was why God was allowing them to starve to death.

Okay okay, forget that, God is amazing and awesome and let's sing songs and play kazoos, because TA DA! God gave bread from heaven! Old Testament Little Caesar's from the dome in the sky.

Oh, but just kidding. This is a boring menu. God must hate them.

And we read through Exodus and ask ourselves how the Israelites can be such chowderheads for doubting God's power in the face of earthly reality... and yet. Well. We do the same thing, time and time again.

Did you lose a job? Great. That means God has a plan for you- and it involves being jobless right now.

Car broke down? Perfect. God needs you to get rid of that car. It's not in the plan right now (and his plan is perfect!).

Lost a loved one? Trust in Him. He is the author of eternity. Trust him to write the perfect story.

In the end, faith is such a small, small word that is overused on jewelry, t-shirts, and in the mouths of Christians (including myself) who are quick to praise God in one moment, and doubt him with great fury in the next.

And immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and he said to him, "Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Buddy Holly and a Million Other Things Happening Today

I like listening to Buddy Holly.

While reading how to potentially renew my license online.

While doing laundry.

While emailing our photographer on what photos I want to have at the wedding.

While finding addresses for some such people.

While icing various parts of my body.

While calling and filing for insurance.

While re-stacking all the boxes in my room (lots, lots, and lots of boxes).

While feeding cats.

While discussing the timeline between "Sixteen Candles" and Buddy Holly.

Buddy Holly is important, I guess.

While asking whether or not an extra 6 hours of driving is worth it when you're already planning a 13 hour drive.

While thinking that by golly, it's been a whole hour. Maybe I should eat again.

Oh. And I still need to buy stamps.

Happy, busy brain today.

I also feel a lot like a little kid when the mailman comes. So. I've grown accustomed run outside in my bare feet and hope I get some exciting package. Heck, I've spent enough George Washingtons, I will be as excited as I want to!

Hm. So 73 days. And this what my mind feels like.

And registries are fun after the first 24 hours- the first 24 hours are icky. But worth it. Especially if you have food.

"Oh, you're getting married? How's that going?"

"Great! It's been a lot of fun!"

"So when is the wedding?"

"This October!"

"THIS OCTOBER?!?!?!" (cue foaming at the mouth and shaking violently before dropping stone dead)

What else... oh yes! Knowing your dress is going to look JUST as you imagined is a lovely, lovely thing.

And getting wedding bands that are 10,000 times more amazing then you expected?? It makes the 56.32392584 hours you spent researching metals and stones or no stones and how expensive and what not.

And that's all I have time to say right now! But thank you for all the prayers and texts and emails and facebooking and such- I'm very grateful (and busy, but still!) for all those who are following along with us and we wait to see what God's plan is for the future Mr. And Mrs. Clifton.

Here's to licking envelopes!

Optimism: Why I Refuse to Live in the Real World

This weekend I've had to research, phone call, paperwork, and drive around to work on the nitty gritty parts of getting ready for marriage. Insurance being one of those things ;) And yes! The first thought was overwhelming. Where do I start? What if I pick the wrong thing? Help!

And of course, Jacob has been part of this process, too. Phone calls and texts and "what do you think?" and all that jazz for all these different, new questions we must deal with.

Our situation feels twice as tricky, given that the first 9 months of marriage we will be in 3 different states, essentially. Yep. Hardcore parkour. And no. Not just for insurance.

Throughout these many topics and conversations, Jacob and I had the chance to get really depressed. Or mad at each other. Or both maybe! But whenever things got tough to figure out, or we just didn't know what to choose or do or decide, we would go back to praying, laugh about it, and move on. In fact, this mentality lead to treating even the smallest victories with some pretty wild hooting and hollering. Which to me, is how it should be. Everything should be treated like that, right? Happy. Optimistic. Or at least, I think so!

Have there been times when I've gotten frustrated to the point of tears? Of course. I've been confused and upset. But I refuse to let it become negative.

I've been told that once marriage actually starts, I'll have to get past this and realize life is hard. And things are hard. And I just need to wait until the real world sinks in, along with all of it's real world problems. You know. Cars breaking down. Appliances falling apart. No paychecks. People vomiting. That sort of stuff, I suppose.

What's with the whole, 'wait till the real world sinks in' mentality?

I'm not advocating rose colored glasses. I'm advocating optimism. Especially now that I'm only 78 days away from marriage. And yes, my heart just leapt with joy at typing at that. Only 78 days!

Since when did being an optimist go out of style? Sure, we're happy... when things are going our way. Or when things are worth being happy about. But being an optimist only when you're happy and comfortable isn't being an optimist. Dictionary.com defines optimism as "a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome."

Optimism really counts when life stinks. Optimism really counts when everyone else tells you that you there are so many things to be discouraged about, but you continue to hold a positive outlook.

I'm not recommending being an airhead. Because the truth is, the 'real world' does stink. I'd go so far as to say it sucks. There are unfair happenings every second, someone is sick, someone is on the verge of bankruptcy, someone just lost a loved one, someone is fighting a war, someone got divorced, someone broke down and got hooked on an addiction, someone is battling depression, and on and on it goes. The real world is a pit of sinners fully embracing their nature, sinners trying to be saints, and sinners that don't care either way. 

The 'real world' is not our home. And that is why I refuse to live here.

I mean. Well. Yes, I do have to live here, but not the way everyone else does. And neither do you. Colassians 3:2, "Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth."

But how often do we come face to face with the 'real world' and suddenly, all we can think about is how large and scary it really is? We are overwhelmed with a sense of despair, because well, this is just how things are. And as part of the system, we must do our part, drag our feet, and go along with it.

Or must we?

Why do we forget that our citizenship is in heaven? That our minds, our hearts, and our outlook should reflect the fact that God is watching over us every second of our existence. Psalm 121:1-2, "I will lift my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

Further in verses 7-8, we read, "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; he shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in, from this time forth, and even forevermore."

Why am I an optimist? Why do I refuse to live in the 'real world'?

Because this world is not my home. 

Yes, there are hard times. Yes, there are things that wear us down, things that aren't any fun, things that are downright terrifying to a 20 year old, almost married person. This world, however beautiful, is a fallen world that can be awfully scary at times. 

But it also a world that we do not have to walk through alone.

What are your thoughts?

What If I Ruin My Wedding?!?!

I need to mail invitations. And a zillion other things. But instead, let's talk weddings, shall we?

Ahh, wedding day.

This is the most important day of your ENTIRE life.

Or. So we are led to believe. And don't get me wrong, this day is a BIG deal. But is it worth tears and stress and questioning your sanity? Can you make a wrong choice, order HORRIBLE decorations, and ruin your wedding?

Some might say yes. I say no. Let's delve into why you cannot and should not fret about ruining your wedding:

FIRSTLY: This is YOUR wedding. Be respectful of family members and guests, but this is your and your significant other's special day. If you like it? Go for it.

SECONDLY: What is the most important thing in planning your wedding? Having a God honoring union. How you go about that can happen a zillion ways, right? I mean, otherwise, we would all get married the same way.

THIRDLY: A wedding is about joining two souls, not matching salt shakers, wedding bubble blowers, and the most perfect/unique/ah*mazing playlist. Are those things what make it unique and memorable? Yes. But the ultimate goal of a wedding is to create a marriage that lasts forever. If you have to choose between having lasting memories of your wedding ambiance or a lasting marriage, we know which is more important.

FOURTHLY: Ask yourself: if you do your best to be economical, smart, and trust God to guide you in your decisions and planning, how can you ruin your wedding?


Outside circumstances we cannot help. But when it comes to us, we do our best, trust God, and let the results glorify him. What are your thoughts?

How To Be (or not to be) A Selfish Pig

It struck me that I've not really written a dandy, good old fashioned blog post before. Something with class and utter nonsense... a touch of irony and needless information about my current standings and take on the world around me.

But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to post this nice picture of me and my cat:

Just kidding.

Where was I?

Today, I would like to ask you an important question. I'll skip the long paragraphs and get to the bottom line- are you a selfish pig?

I ask this politely, of course. And honestly, I feel bad for the pigs out there. Giving yourself up to become bacon doesn't sound so selfish, but I digress.

If you need lessons, let me know. But contrary to popular opinion,
I hear a lot of life (including marriage) isn't about just you.

I believe selfishness has become a prevalent theme in our culture. If you want it? Get it. If it makes YOU better? Do it. If it increases your stature in life or community? Do it and/or get it.

And then of course, there is the opposite extreme. The people who sign up for everything, volunteer for everything, and if they don't sign up for everything to help everyone, they feel guilty of being selfish or 'not giving back'.

What about life? What about waking up, going through each day, and falling asleep again at night.

Can we start here? Can we start on this page and move forward?

What if selfishness isn't about showing everyone else how NOT selfish you are, but facing each moment with not simply yourself, but someone else in mind?

As needs for help and chances for being selfless arise, take them. Keep an open heart about such things, pray that God uses you, and always, always seek to be the person that is there and willing to help others.

In relationships of all kinds, selfishness is a killer. How do you break it, defeat it, or maybe even stop it from starting? Thoughts?

What I Know (don't really know) about Matrimony Crash and Burn

1. Don't make a problem where there isn't one.

2. Seek out the other person's needs and wants and perspective before yours.

3. Do the right thing, the right way.

I've been asked by a lot of people in the past few months (okay, since I got engaged) about how I was planning the wedding, what I would be doing for decorating, where the wedding would be held, what kind of dress I'd be wearing, on and on and on.

Let's face it. Weddings (and the planning behind it) have become a HUGE part of getting married. Maybe more than they used to be, maybe not. Either way, there is a very big focus on what and how and how much you spend and where and why and why not when it comes to wedding planning. What your wedding looks like is a representation of YOU, right? And it's the start to your future. It's the sign to everyone that you're joining together with your best friend.

It should be done right.

What surprised me was in hearing from a woman who, said in so many words, that her wedding was all this time, and work, and effort... but that when it came to the day after the wedding and beginning life together, she couldn't help but wonder... is this it? Well. This is boring.

Maybe it's a culture thing. Weddings have to be HUGE in one way or another. Videographers, photographers, cakes, dresses, bouquets, a soundtrack to remember, a first dance, programs, invitations, bridesmaids gifts, matching outfits, flower petals, etc etc etc. There are SO many details, and you put SO many hours into this day.

Why? Because this is the BIG day. You want it to be perfect. And it should be. But aren't we forgetting something? Aren't we putting things in backwards order a little bit?

Shouldn't we put our focus on making our future marriage perfect over making the wedding perfect?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should makes sandwiches and get married in a sundress in a field. Well. If you want to, do it, but you know what I mean. I'm also not saying you should shoot down having fun in planning a wedding and instead sit in a dark corner and do nothing but read your Bible.

WHAT AM I SAYING?

Plan a wedding. Make it you. Make it fun. Make it wild. But your wedding should NOT be more glorious than the life you plan for afterwards.

You wouldn't pick out bridesmaids' dresses more elegant and glorious than the bride's dress. You shouldn't use up all the best and most wonderful of your budget, emotions, intelligence, etc, for the day of the wedding, only to realize you've got to work from almost ground zero for your starting lives together.

I hear a lot of 'I wish we had focused more on this' or 'I didn't realize how selfish I was until we were married', or even, in the words of that one lady, 'life after the wedding felt like a let down!'.

Why is this? Where is the focus?

I'm not trying to point fingers. I'm simply trying to figure things out from what I know.

I've promised Jacob to make our marriage perfect- not in the true, literal sense of the word, because that is impossible. However, when I set a standard to reach for, when I tell myself that God designed us to glorify him in all we do, that is what I want to plan for. I want October 14th to be even better than the day of the wedding. I want every moment afterwards to be a reminder that God comes first, that marriage is to bring him glory through our words, thoughts, actions, and prayers.

Planning starts now. Truthfully, planning started since I met Jacob. Not in a huge, obvious way, but in small ways. Every time I interacted with Jacob, I tried to analyze my words and actions. Did I respond correctly? Is this a time to do more and encourage him in a bigger way?

Because really, if you think about it, marriage shouldn't be a huge transition. Yes, things will definitely change in your relationship. But the basics? Being kind, respectful, considerate, having a consciousness of the other person, putting the other person first, waiting, sharing, and being patient... aren't these things we can practice now?

Shouldn't these be things we've been practicing since we made intentions in our relationship?

And in the end, it comes down to trust. It comes down to looking to God and admitting, "I can't do this alone. I'm a sinner, I'm incapable, but I want to glorify you by making this marriage something that will lead others to you and inspire others to glorify you, too."

Intentions. I'm not saying this is easy, this is always fun, or this is as pretty as a well done up blog (you can imagine mine, if you'd like. I think my blog is very well done. Ahem).

And yes, I'm sure there are just married people, long time married people, and in between married people that are shaking their heads at my stupid naive ramblings. I'm not married. I don't see the obvious. Marriage is something new and I have not the slightest idea what I am babbling about.

Maybe not. But I repeat. I'm bringing this to God. I can't do this alone. I'm a sinner, I'm incapable, but I want to glorify Him by making this marriage different. How so? I don't know exactly. But I do know what is said of love in the Bible, how we are told to treat one another- and in marriage shouldn't this apply the most?

I seek to honor God in my wedding (and wedding planning), but if I have to place my focus on wedding planning or planning for a marriage that is honoring and blessed by God, I will seek the second with my whole heart.

Lucky for me, I still get my paper lanterns. Like I said- it's not one or the other. But I want to avoid a crash and burn from fairytale wedding to immediately battling through rough edges in my marriage in areas such as selfishness, patience, sharing, figuring things out together, etc.

The fairytale should begin AFTER you say 'I do', not end as soon as you utter those words.

God made marriage to be a representation: a holy, beautiful, representation of Him.

Don't settle for making JUST your wedding day dynamic. Make your entire life a fantastic, wild, up and down hill adventure of the dynamic duo, of the new classics, of you and your best friend.

Wedding Planning: Truths from a Current (Biased!) Planner

So I pondered about whether or not I should make a 'I'm so smart and know what I'm talking about post' about something I've not finished doing yet.

Heck all my friends (or so it seems) just got married. They know how this works. They don't need to read this. BUT- this is a biased truth list. This is a list of truths I have discovered.

I'm feeling a little ridiculous and since I'm in the throes of this whole planning thing, I'm going to make this list and hope you all enjoy trying to figure out what I'm talking about.

So sorry. And for those of you who have been here and done this before- if you feel I'm oversimplifying, incorrectly describing, or basically looking like a fool, please comment that I'm at least a good looking fool, deal?

And in the end, I'm the one who will regret ordering 27 maroon balloons for ambiance, using chinese handcuffs as favors, walking down the isle to 'Ain't That a Kick in the Head', etc etc.

Alright. I'll be vague intentionally in some areas... I don't want to give too much away, you see ;)

So here we go:

TRUTH: Picking out a theme was incredibly fun AND shopping for stuff was an adventure worth redoing.

TRUTH: The system can be cheated.

TRUTH: Handmade bouquet? Waaaaaaay pretty.

TRUTH: Food doesn't have to be 'food', exactly. You'll see what I mean ;)

TRUTH: Personalizing things to make them 'you' is way more fun that being traditional.

TRUTH: When planning the ceremony, it doesn't have to be 45 minutes long. Or it can. But it won't be for us ;)

TRUTH: The best of the best came from yesteryear.

TRUTH: Everyone I know has done mason jars. DON'T DO MASON JARS. PLEASE. I BEG.

TRUTH: Color can be done. And in big, bright bunches.

TRUTH: Gold and silver are and always will be classy

TRUTH: MicrosoftWord and printers and font are nice to have.

TRUTH: Sequins and bangle things are always welcome.

TRUTH: I cannot play 'All of Me' or 'Thousand Years'. I cannot.

TRUTH: You don't need a year or more to be engaged so you can plan a wedding. You don't!

TRUTH: You CAN plan a wedding on a budget. And yes, it will still look good.

TRUTH: Things take some figuring out, but nothing needs to be extremely, hair plucking, bridezilla-like stressful. It just doesn't!

TRUTH: Glitter and toothpicks are time consuming, but so so so worth it.

TRUTH: I need to finish this up so I can go use said glitter and toothpicks.

All in all, I'm really enjoying the whole wedding process. However, I'm really looking forward to what comes afterwards- happily ever after. Forever!

What are some things you learned/discovered/knew while wedding planning?

Conscious: Was, Is, Will Be

Breathing. You've been doing it for a good long while. You don't have to think about it. It just sort of happens... like the millions of other little things that happen in your body that you take for granted.

Cool, wouldn't you say? Because honestly, we'd be a little bit at a loss without breathing. It would be the end of life. Shazzam. Kaboom. No more.

Now let's pretend we could only breathe IF we were conscious of doing it all the time. Or maybe we had to learn how to breathe and in learning how to breathe, we had to constantly be conscious of breathing.

If (in this scenario) you were to forget about breathing, it would start to suck the life out of you and things would become very unpleasant until you get things back on track again. If you weren't conscious of breathing, things would start to die off.

Okay. Nice story. Where am I going with all this?

The other half in your relationship is a part of you that you have to be conscious of. Not in a hyper-freak-control-maniac sort of way, but in a way that looks out for, honors, protects, seeks to serve, seeks to love, and seeks to understand better sort of way.

Breathing is nice, but we take it for granted. A lot. Which is okay, because our lungs keep on pumping along just the same. We don't have to be conscious of how to breathe, how to breathe well, etc etc (short of being in drastic situations, but you get me).

THE POINT: lack of consciousness in your relationship is like our breathing/consciousness scenario. If  you are not aware of what is important and consciously striving for it, things will start to die off.

What sort of important things?

Communication.

The other person's needs.

Acting respectfully and kindly in all situations.

Carrying yourself in a way that reflects well on both you and your other half.

Shall I go on?

Make it your mission to make things God honoring, spectacular, and always on the upside. Nope. It's not easy. Nope. I'm not perfect at it. But that won't stop me from working at it, it won't stop me from constantly seeking God in this.

Are you conscious or comatose?

"You're Doing WHAT?" // Why We're Getting Married Young

Do you remember having a best friend as a little kid? Maybe when you were in middle school or high school. Maybe, you're still friends to this day! Maybe you found a best friend as a grown up.

Marriage is finding a best friend for life. You get to do all the things best friends do- be ridiculous together, be happy together, be sad together, plot together, know each other inside and out. But marriage is best friends to another level.

The level of friendship found in marriage surpasses any other. Marriage is a friendship so strong that you actually integrate yourself with your best friend.






You have sleepovers every night. 

You burn (and sometimes don't burn) food together- and end up eating it anyway, because you both think burned food isn't as bad as they say.

You plan and accomplish things as a team- and if you're like a certain couple I know very well, you're fairly competitive and turn such things into a game ;)

You face the good, the bad, and the ugly together. You cheer each other up and encourage each other to keep going when things aren't all blue skies.

You make fun of each other shamelessly. Well. Some of us do anyways ;)

You learn more and more with each day. Together.

You crank up those favorite songs and sing along to that jam like two high school girls.

You back each other up.

You have movie marathons.

You have inside jokes.

You share finances.

You share a home.

You share a life.

Heck, you'll probably share tissues and spoons and shoes, and many other things, for sure.

Is it always easy? No. I'm not married and I could tell you that. But if marriage is about dedication to another person, if marriage is about finding and staying with a best friend forever, if marriage is about building a life with someone you respect and look to as an equal, then here comes the important question:

Why not get married young?

And the room gets quiet.

What did she say? But don't you want to party? Don't you want to build a career? Don't you want to get out there and experience life? Don't you want to get out and experience life on your own? There's no way you're mature enough for something like that! How old are you???

No, I don't want to party. Neither does he.

Build a career? I'm pretty sure I'm right where I want to be with my career. He's building his career up as well. Besides, how exciting is it to continue to discover and work on your career with your best friend besides you?

Experience life? I'm doing that right now. And by getting married young, I get to experience that much more life with my best friend beside me!

There's no way I'm mature enough? I've finished college. I've got a steady career path. I'm financially stable. I know what I want in life. He's got a steady career path. He's financially stable. He's finishing his degree this summer. We both know what we want in life and we want to be together through it all.

How old am I? I'm old enough to know that everyone makes mistakes, including me and including him.  I'm old enough to know that marriage isn't going to fix all my woes, but it WILL mean having someone I PICKED OUT as my best friend with me through thick and thin. I'm old enough to know that having a best friend is one of God's greatest gifts to us little people.

And that's why we got engaged young. That's why we're having a short engagement and getting right to it- because if you know what you want and what is right, chase it down!

I want my best friend with me through it all. Being in a long distance relationship has taught me to cherish the moments... and every moment I can get with Jacob I will take!

It's not about being 'old enough'. It's about maturity and character. It's about trust and passion to build something special and long lasting together. it's about making every day an adventure worth retelling every night.

Questions? Comments? Fiery dispute?

Let's hear it!

The Insurmountable [[False]] Truths about Relationships: Pt. III

So here's the third and final (for now ;)) post in regards to the insurmountable false truths about relationships. I'd try to think of some sort of fanfare, but no one wants to read that anyways. SO. Anyways.

Let's talk about entitlement. 

To pity.

To being grumpy.

To being mopey.

To letting yourself go a little bit.

To eating 5 pounds of chocolate or KFC, or chocolate covered KFC.

I kid. (Hopefully you all never do such a thing.)

[[False]] TRUTH: You are entitled to having bad days, to being less than perfect, to being human, to give less than 100%, to be grumpy, etc etc...

Come on. Admit it. No one should expect you to be perfect. We're only human. We all mess up. That means being lazy once and a while, not taking care of ourselves or our significant other once in a while, not being our best once in a while... it's fine. It's human everyone does it.

So to whoever thinks we need to be Pintrest dolls and guys 24/7 without a single day of dirt on the carpet, forgive me, but SHUT IT UP AND CLOSE THE DOOR. 

...that was clean and to the point, right?

THE ACTUAL TRUTH: You are a flawed human being who isn't entitled to anything but death, but is granted saving grace by a gracious God. Live your life the 100% without a thought of quitting or giving less. Ever.

People are about to get up in arms, I can feel it. It's all good! 

I want you to think about an athlete for a second. Maybe you know one. Maybe you are one. It's an analogy I relate to very well. An athlete that wants to be the best doesn't leave room in his/her heart for failure or quitting. 

Will there be workouts that are so hard he/she will be forced to stop and rest? Will there be days he/she will want to sleep instead of train? Will there be days he/she will want to sit on the couch and eat and take naps all day instead? You bet. But a hardcore athlete doesn't plan for those times. 

When hard times come up, you fight through it. You don't allow yourself to quit easily, and if you do falter, you don't like it. You don't settle. You get back up.

Am I making sense? As humans, we are sinful, messed up to the quadzillionth (yes, this word will one day be in Merriam Webster) degree, and born with the innate desire to do what's easy, what's sleazy, and what's queasy (sorry, it rhymed. Besides, think about McDonalds. There you go. Queasy).

We're entitled to death, not the right to get what we want.

In the context of relationships, what does this mean?

It means when you're tired and you'd rather not do that ice thing for the other person just because, DO IT. 

It means when you feel entitled to get angry at the other person because they did something dumb, remember you're a sinner and deserve hell for just about every other thought that runs through your head.

Feel me?

And there are a quadzillion (there you go again) other examples. Fill in the blank. I'm not advocating being a pushover for the other person or being a macho-headed maniac comparing life to a session with your bros at the gym. Obviously, each situation needs to be analyzed in context. 

However, before you spout off about being 'entitled', remember the other thing you are TRULY entitled to, the grace that was given to reverse your eternity, and how you have the chance every day to be the best you can for yourself and the other person.

So. Being entitled to things that may not be the best for you and your relationship?

ARGUMENT = INVALID.

Thank you for reading through all three parts! If you didn't and you're basking in unearned compliments, go back and read the other posts, you dilly!

But in all honesty, thank you. Comment away. Let's talk. Do you agree? Disagree? 

I'm an advocate of optimism and higher standards. What about you?