Where's the Man I Married?!?!

Marriage is an adventure. And a journey. It is a long trip, one that will have ups and downs, but most of all, it will leave you wondering, why did I spend my money on this?

My bad! We're talking about money, not the opening night of The Hobbit: The Destitution of Smog.

Whoops.

Back to marriage. There are articles upon articles bemoaning the vanishing act of the other person's original self after marriage. These articles discuss things such as 'why is my wife different after the wedding?', 'why did my spouse change after we got married?', and of course, 'where's the man I married!?!?!'.

We'd like to break down for the blog audience WHY your spouse is different now that you're married.

(Warning for those who suffer from seasonal allergies or lactate intolerance, satire ahead.)

PROOF HE'S CHANGED:

"The man I married would never leave a wad of balled up socks on the kitchen counter!"

Actually, yes, he would. A lot of people leave socks in balls, piles, or what I like to call 'scrunching', aka the blobbing of socks into a 3-4 sock wad. And why would they be on the kitchen counter? Because the kitchen is where the food is. Be smart, woman. This is not a carnal sin. This is time efficiency... if you're a lazy bum.

"The man I married would never look like that first thing in the morning!"

You should see how you look first thing in the morning. National Geographic warned us what sloths looked like, but you plunged onward into marriage anyways. So really, this is not your fault or his fault, it's just science. Or it's just his poor genetics.

"The man I married would never act like THIS!"

If by this you mean dancing around the kitchen (note: husbands don't leave the kitchen) and making incoherent sounds, while shoving their face, while watching youtube videos you thought only 6th graders found hilarious, and while NOT washing the huge pile of dishes in the sink, then congratulations! You have been hoodwinked. Shame on you. I'd call Sears and see how long the warranty is.

PROOF SHE'S DIFFERENT:

"The girl I married would never be so neglectful of how she looks!"

And by neglectful, we mean she's on workout #2 of the day, so she hasn't showered. And yes, she looks like a sweet little dollop of sweat. Oh. Just kidding. She's just wearing yoga pants while sipping chai. Again.

"The girl I married would never be so lazy!"

Says the guy who leaves little lumpy sock piles on the counters.

"The girl I married would be more attentive to my needs!"

Hey, she did let you leave the socks on the counter.
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BASICALLY, WHAT I'D LOVE TO GET ACROSS IS THIS.

Nobody changes in marriage. Well, sure, time matures or de-matures us. We get new hobbies, lose interest in old ones, we experience love and loss. But the BIG categories- the things we like to complain about: laziness, appearance, attentiveness, attraction, work ethic, caring, kindness, falling in love... these are things that 1) we are in charge of maintaining and 2) we are in charge of forgiving and renewing when there is a lapse.

If we could stop focusing on all that is a 'problem' in our marriages and start working on finding the 'solutions', wouldn't that be for the better? Shouldn't we keep our eyes on what is pure, lovely, and right (Philippians 4:8)?

"But what if my spouse isn't willing to be a part of the solution? What if I'm the only one willing to change?"

This is a big question and I'd go so far as to say a few things.

1) Pray. Prayer is more powerful than a lot of us give credit for.

2) This bump in the marital road probably should have been addressed before marriage. Yes, we can't predict EVERY action of our spouse/future spouse, but if during the dating process you assume those little nicks in their personality will go away, you just did yourself in.

3) Are they really unwilling to change? Or do you want them to change simply because you're viewing the situation from only your point of view?

As mentioned, I can't cover every single variation of a situation regarding this, however I'd like to think I've made my point. Where's the man you married? He's sleeping next to you, he's washing the dishes, he's kissing you, he's working hard every day for you, he's praying for you, he's loving you.

Marriage is the potential for betterment of two people. That's my two cents- keep the change ;)