Part Twenty Two: Of Dojos, Wild Life, and Second First Meetings

"Making my way
Through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder...."

-Vanessa Carlton

So what happened in between then and the next visit? Phone calls, a few (or a lot of) tears, trip planning, teaching classes, crossfit, finishing college, cheering on Jacob through tests, google hangouts to pick out clothes, emails, texts, and some daydreaming about seeing my main man once again. 

I made sure to make my hands all feminine and womanly
 at Crossfit before Jacob's  visit ;)

That's what happened. 

By now, however, it has been made quite clear how I mope, lament, and sob when it comes to missing Jacob, so I won't go into any more details about that. Allow me to say that the days leading up to Jacob's next visit were long and slow, plodding along at their own speed, but eventually they did lead up to a moment I'd been longing for... seeing Jacob face to face once again.

He would be staying the 30th of May to the 3rd of June after he and his dad drove from North Carolina. I didn't really care how they came or how long they stayed. I just cared that he would be coming.

Here was the game plan: Jacob and his dad would show up around 4pm at the dojo. From there, his dad would go to watch Tim's playoff baseball game while Jacob stayed to watch me try to teach classes.

That Thursday of his arrival, I could barely focus. I had to teach morning bootcamp, write curriculum, and focus in on work, but knowing that he would be coming that afternoon was just too much for me. To make it worse, Jacob refused to tell me when exactly he would be arriving. 

Yes. He is a jerk.

Through nervous hours that dragged on forever, through hoping I looked pretty enough, through praying, through adrenaline rushes through my whole body at the thought of him coming to the dojo and actually, really being in NH, it was a long day. 

The day before Jacob's first visit in NH.
Can you tell that I was ready to see him again?

And no, I wasn't entirely worried about him not telling when he would show up. You see, I was a bit of a jerk myself. I knew the doors to the dojo were locked. He would kinda sorta have to tell me when he showed up. Mhm, I'm a good girlfriend!

And a bit earlier than 4pm (okay, it was at 3pm), my phone went off and I completely freaked as I answered.

"Um, excuse me madame, would you mind opening the door?"

And that's when I knew my evil plan had worked in terms of the locked dojo doors. I quickly agreed to open the doors and hung up. But for a second I froze.

Jacob was outside my door. He was right there. He was in NH, he was in the same city, he was real.

I forced myself to walk over to the door within nothing but my minute amount of courage and my dojo garb... and there he was. He was here. He was right here. 

I grinned a bit too much as I unlocked the door and promptly hugged him. Looking back, I suppose it would have been more polite to let him step in the doorway first and not leave his dad standing outside of the building, but I couldn't think straight. It had been so long, but in the end I guess it hadn't been that long after all. He was back with me. All those long nights and days without him melted into nothing as I realized that all the waiting and all the anxiousness had come to an end. 

I'd been waiting, but I didn't have to wait any longer. Jacob Clifton was real for the second time in my life.

It was different this time... meeting up. The first time we 'met', it had been a nervous and frantic feeling. I didn't know what I was going to face, I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know if it would be good bad or great. This time, however, I knew exactly what was coming my way. Wild and mischievous blue green eyes, work out muscles, ironman sunglasses, and that goofy, heart melting smile. I guess that's why I simply hugged him. There was nothing else to really do. That simple gesture conveyed more emotion and meaning than a thousand words. It was simply so wonderful to feel a real person against me, to hear a voice from a person and not from a phone. 

It was him, and that was enough.

In all my giddiness, we immediately went on a tour of the dojo. I don't remember half of what I said or if it was intelligent, but I babbled on and on about the dojo, when it started, what was what... but the whole time, I wanted nothing more than to jump on Jacob and squeeze the air out of him via one ginormous hug. Yes. One hug was enough. But goodness, two would be even better!

Unfortunately, we were at the dojo and students were showing up. My family showed up momentarily to say hello and escort Jacob's dad to the baseball field for Tim's playoff game. I was trying to mentally get myself ready for classes. So far, so... okay. It wasn't great, but I was more determined to teach my best classes in front of Jacob than worrying about messing up. 

Oh, I did like looking out into the lobby and seeing him watching me through the glass. Just seeing his cute face from the other side made me jump. He was here, alright!

I started getting ready for class and began the pre-class routine of Simon Says and any other game the kids found interesting that day. I did my best, but I kept looking out into the lobby. Yes, I was looking out into the lobby because Jacob was there, but I was also looking out into the lobby because of another person.

Cue the arrival of my friend, Kaitie.

Kaitie had been gracious enough to take me up on my dare of arriving at the dojo and sitting next to Jacob without introducing herself. However, from what I could see, she was going above and beyond. Kaitie had not only graced the dojo with her presence, but her presence donned in her 'homeschooling mother' dress and sunglasses. Very inconspicuous, but I never said she couldn't dress like so. Hm. Legalist. 

From the other side of the glass, I watched Jacob and Kaitie cause a ruckus in the lobby. Bags of rice were thrown, sunglasses went on and off, and Lord knows they were talking about me. Goodness. 

It took all my focus to keep myself from staring out in the lobby during every class I taught that day. Jacob Clifton was out there looking every bit the handsome guy I remembered and I couldn't help but want to stare.

Classes did end eventually and I went out to my guy- a bit sweatier, more hyper... the works. Kaitie had to tell me at least once to keep my voice down. I was thoroughly obnoxious. In the lobby, walking to the car, exploring Kaitie's apartment, driving back to the dojo to get Becki from her class, and finally driving home... I wasn't sure if it was real. I felt like it was there was no way Jacob could really be with me.

Throughout it all, I was freaking out about the fact that it was 90 degrees and I was in sweatpants (and sweating like a guy.... a gross, nasty guy) and the fact that Jacob was going to be IN MY HOUSE. It seems silly to be nervous about it looking back, but I was so, so nervous about everything. 

What if he thought my family was completely freaky? What if he thought my house was freaky? What if he thought I was freaky for thinking he would think those things were freaky?

Gosh. Freaky.

But luckily dinner went by uneventfully. I smacked toes with Jacob under the table and secretly lamented my sweaty state and hoped to high heaven I didn't smell like BO. It felt weird. It felt... different. I think having only been with Jacob once before, I was grasping at straws in terms of determining what this second first visit would be like. 

But everything was alright. It was more than alright. Despite my mind not fully accepting that Jacob was real, I was still game for a game of basketball (no pun intended) with the neighbors. I was tired, emotionally drained from waiting for Jacob all day and trying to teach, but I was able and ready for wandering around my street, barefoot, with spaghetti-like wet hair, and a mitch-matched outfit, just in the name of saying tired and stupid things while poking Jacob's hair.

By 9:30pm, when Jacob's dad said they had to go home and get some sleep, I watched their van pull away and wonder if it was real, or imagined. I was left with a kitchen full of dirty dishes, a table full of crumbs, and a heart full of excited confusion. He was here. Now he was gone. BRING HIM BACK!

I must have been tired, because I felt just a twinge angry that he was gone already. Somehow, I felt like that was it. I couldn't wrap my poor mind around the thought of him coming back. I was so used to him coming and going quickly and not getting to see him, I had to convince myself that I WOULD see Jacob tomorrow and that it WOULD be okay.

Back to wandering around the kitchen. Back to wandering around the dining room. But wait a second...

Sitting there on the table was a pair of white Ironman sunglasses. Jacob had left them by mistake. 

And in my moment of doubting whether or not this was real, I knew it was real. Here was the proof. Somehow, God knew I needed that proof. How? Duh. He's God.

I quickly texted Jacob to tell him I was holding his glasses for ransom and that I missed him already. 

My dad told me Jacob would be with him tomorrow for some 'bonding time'. Is that what all dad's call it? ;)

I told Jacob what my dad said.

Jacob acted cool about it, but I could picturing him cringe. I was cringing. Why? I don't know.

My dad said I should get to bed. 

I said I probably needed it.

And crawling under the sheets that night, I lay awake pondering how lucky I am, how tomorrow would be a new day, how tomorrow would be an untold adventure, how tomorrow would be a chance to get Mr. Wonderful all over again.

Yeah. Things were going pretty okay. Really okay, actually. And I knew things would only get better. I just didn't know how much better they would truly get.

I had no idea.