"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
-Hebrews 11:1
I woke up feeling a bit tired. Thus is the 'wake up every 2 hours because you want to pray over a dude 1,1017 miles away' lifestyle. I was still worried about Jacob. Maybe I was being silly. Something just made me feel that something was wrong. The night before hadn't been the most pleasant. I felt miserable and wanted nothing more than to talk to him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to reassure him it was okay. I wanted to make everything better.
I rolled over in bed and prayed. I was running out of words. It felt like I was asking for the same things over and over, but I knew God was listening.
The day attacked full force. Between throwing together emails, trying to determined how to get attention to my injured wrist, finalizing trip details with my mom, rushing to answer a coaching call I forgot about, the morning was a bit of a blur. Heck, I didn't even get around to eating until 11am. Bad news, there. Around 7:30am however, Jacob had texted me.
He said he needed prayer. He needed to talk to me. And of course, I automatically dove into further prayer for my favorite person.
When we finally were able to talk on the phone, he sounded a bit tired. Right off the bat however, he said he needed to apologize for a few things. He wanted to apologize for the way he had been treating me in comparison to other girls, he wanted to apologize for how he had been acting, and he wanted to reassure me that I was the only one for him. It was touching to hear his concern for me... it was soft and quiet like his voice when he apologized for each thing.
He also reminded me that if I ever had a problem, I needed to be honest with him. I promised I would. I promised I always would.
We kept talking on and on. Just like so many times before, we had felt struggle and overcome it. I didn't know it was possible to overcome wrinkles so easily. With Jacob, it was like they never happened. By the time we hung up, it was as if things had been perfect the whole time.
Things were getting down to the wire. With each passing day I had continuing imaginations of what the first meeting would be like. What would his family be like? How would I be able to even get out of the car once we got there? How would I even know what to say?
Fortunately, planning took most of my time away from imagining. We would be driving to Boston Wednesday night, staying over night in a hotel, shuttling to the airport, flying to NC, driving two hours, running to a Walmart to grab supplies, then finally meeting Jacob and his sister at a gas station before unloading at the cabin we'd be staying at. After all that, we'd be returning to the Clifton residence for the rest of the evening. Yes. There was planning to be done.
Again, this was fortunate, as I needed to stay busy. The planning and working on the trip made the final days breeze by. Before any of us could realize it, Wednesday was upon us. The suitcases were packed. The reservations were made. School work was finished. All that was left was to teach one last class at the dojo before we headed off to Boston.
Already, the trip seemed more daunting as the hours ticked onwards. Boston had heavy snow on the way. Both Jacob and I were suffering from sickness. The vastly wild unknown was no longer a swallowable notion, if it ever had been. Questions were about to be answered. The reality behind what we didn't exactly understand was about to be revealed.
Wednesday afternoon was spent with last minute planning before rushing off to teach. Teaching was frenzied and distracted. Final farewells from students, rushing home to an even more frenzied household, quickly changing out of dojo clothes, and jumping into a car.
This was it. The adventure was beginning. I could feel the adrenaline flood through my body as I realized with complete certainty that I was on my way to meet Jacob Clifton. I tried to comprehend this, but all I could do was let the adrenaline continue to make a mess of my nerves.
I texted Jacob to let him know we were departing. It didn't feel real to him. It didn't feel real to me. But it was real. It was very real.
It was snowing in Laconia, but I wasn't particularly concerned over the weather. I should've been concerned about the fact that I hadn't eaten anything in a while, but I couldn't even think about eating. I was a mess of knots. Why couldn't we just get to Boston now?
Phone calls from Jacob, helping mom navigate the roads, and mindless babbling rounded out the trip. I was tired, sick, and nervous beyond belief. By the time we arrived in Boston and successfully made it to our room, we were all thoroughly exhausted. I was sweaty from teaching, Lydia was taking pictures of everything, and Becki was reading Les Mis in the corner. My mom was already shuttling the suitcases around. I ate dinner (if you could call it that), hopped in the shower, and hopped into bed. The rest of the evening was filled with snide and silly comments about me meeting Jacob, butterflies the size of pterodactyls swarming my insides, and You've Got Mail.
When the lights went out, my phone was full of texts from Jacob, my heart was full of something there could be no name for, and my mind refused to rest. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think.
Tomorrow, I would see Jacob for the first time. He was nervous. I was nervous. I keep repeating it over and over again in my head in a desperate attempt to believe it was going to happen.
Tomorrow, I'm going to meet Jacob Clifton. Tomorrow, I'm going to see him for the first time.
It was only after a hard fought battle with my restless mind that I fell asleep, and though morning came fast enough, it felt like the night lasted forever. My whole body was on edge and I had to force myself to eat anything. I had to make myself go through the motions of everything because I was too nervous, too excited, and too unbelieving to properly function.
Onto the airport shuttle. Through security. Sitting at the gate. It all felt like a blur to me. Thank goodness I could text Jacob or I might have lost it.
Speaking of Jacob, the moment of truth was finally hitting him. Every other text I received made mention of 'I'm going to die', 'I'm dying', and 'I'm done, I'm done'. The poor boy was losing his mind. I was losing my mind. This whole trip was a leap of faith.
You know what's crazy about taking a leap of faith? You've got to completely let go. Completely. You need to hand God the reigns, give him the wheel, and stand back in complete surrender.
As I sat at that airport gate, I had to ask myself what on earth I was doing there. Everyone who knew what I was doing thought I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy! I was at Boston Logan International Airport in sweatpants and a t-shirt with no makeup (Jacob's idea, he dared me to do it for the first meeting. Wild, wild boy that he is), staring off into the distance with a wandering heart and wandering mind. Was I insane?
I vaguely reflected on that June evening so long ago... when Jacob and I talked for the very first time. I remembered how I felt God telling me that Jacob was the one, that I was supposed to keep talking to him. That same God brought me to this airport. That same God would be with me all the way to NC. That same God would be with me, always.
Picture messages and text messages. Checked luggage and chattering mouths... namely mine. Slowly though, the chattering was becoming less and less as the reality sank further and further in. It was time to board. Jacob received one last farewell text with a reminder: the next time I texted him, I would be in the same state. He panicked, and I shakily headed for my flight.
No details need to go into the flight or my continued and growing state of twitching nervousness. I wanted to text Jacob, but instead I was talking to a feisty grandmother and her less than agreeable 3 year old granddaughter. I wanted to be on the ground, but instead I was in the air, trapped in a mental tube with wings. I wanted to tell myself everything would be perfect, but my mind was racing out of control.
Every 5 minutes I would poke Becki from across the aisle and make some nervous remark. I was acting like a complete dork. I lacked the brain cells to care. By the time we touched down in Charlotte, NC, I was a wreck. We were here. We were actually here. We were also late. Due to ice build up in Boston, our flight left about 45 minutes later than scheduled. Oh well. That was the least of my worries.
To the baggage claim, to the rental car shuttle, to the rental car... texting all the way. He wanted me to call him as soon as I could and as soon as I could, well, I did.
It was a strange feeling hearing his voice and knowing he was in the same state. It was a wonderful feeling though. Things would only get better and better from here.
"I'm here," I said with a goofy smile on my face and my feet on a dinky table. "I'm on your turf."
He proceeded to tell me how Aubrey filmed him folding the same shirt 4 times, shoving a chip up his nose, and other nervous acts of fear throughout the day. His parents told him he was positively loopy. I could sympathize. I was positively loopy.
It was around 3pm in the afternoon. By the time we got out of Charlotte and ran through the nearest Walmart, it would be around 5pm if all went as planned. In about 2 hours, I would be meeting him. This was slightly hard to believe. At the same time however, it was becoming frighteningly real.
Another car ride. More scrambled nerves. Dashing through a Walmart and acting like fools because anything else would be much to straining on my frazzled soul. Jumping back in the car with a freaked out feeling inside because the next time I hop out, I will be face to face with the guy I've been dying to meet for months.
My hair. Ah no. My hair is a mess. I probably have bad breath. I can't believe I'm wearing sweatpants. I've got NO MAKEUP ON, am I crazy? And eh, my skin is probably shiny from flying on a plane and sitting in stale airplane air. My hands... ew...
And that is why I was brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and frantically poking at my nails for the remainder of the car ride to meet Jacob. I was wearing the sunglasses he got me for Christmas. I was faithfully decked out in sweatpants and t-shirt, as requested. My face was painfully lacking makeup. The radio was on and 'Girl on Fire' played about 5 times, sometimes in a modulated key. Closer and closer still.
Jacob and I kept texting, although sometimes the phone was handed over to Aubrey. We would meet up around 5:30pm at this rate, but I didn't care. It gave me more time to chomp on my toothbrush.
We finally reached our exit and I could literally feel my heart smacking back and forth in my chest. This was it, kids (in fact, I do believe I texted those exact words to Jacob). We pulled into an empty gas station parking lot (the glorified meeting place).
"Is this it?" My mom asked confusedly.
Maybe? No? We didn't know, so we turned around and pulled out to make sure that was the case.
Oh. Yes. That was the right parking lot. We turned around and headed back after venturing no farther than half a mile from the original parking lot.
This whole time, Becki was being completely unrelenting to my poor nerves, shrieking and pointing at every passing guy saying it was Jacob. When she piped up that she saw a van driven by a guy that looked like Jacob RIGHT behind us, I flipped my lid and felt my heart tunnel into my toes. When Becki all but calmly pointed out that is WAS Jacob, I completely lost my mind.
This was it, kids.
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