"And to your favorite song,
we sang along to the start of forever..."
-Paramore
Leading up to trip #6 was interesting, to say the least. The week after I returned from my trip, I was scheduled to head over to Portsmouth, NH for my first ever Crossfit competition- something that was both a distraction from my 'I miss Jacob' grumpiness, but also a conductor. I was stressed and scared and it made me miss him all the more.
For my first competition I did pretty well- 4th in my division (never mind how poorly the judging was, or the fact that people cheated... still. It was a good experience!). I got rather lost on the way home, came home feeling like a truck hit me, and spent the next few days wondering if I was going to die.
Once the excitement and nonsense of that wore off, things kinda suck into a sad, dark little valley. I was writing a new curriculum for a nunchuck program I'm starting up in 2014, Jacob was at the end of football (and appropriately dealing with everything that entailed, including a never ending ankle injury), I was teaching martial arts, he was teaching math, and it felt like November 9th would NEVER come. There were lots of sniffles (more than I care to admit). There were days I felt like I couldn't take it. It wasn't much fun.
The week before departure week, I had come off of a very long, very emotional weekend. I was overly pondersome and unable to focus on a darn thing. I kept wondering if I was still supposed to be in NH, if I wasn't supposed to pack up and go to NC. I didn't know if I was in the right place at all and it made everything purposeless.
The idea of 'bloom where you're planted' just didn't come naturally to me. If I was in a temporary 'planting' zone, I didn't want to bloom at all. I didn't see the point. There was no one to see the flowers anyways, right? And yes, I reminded myself that even though I didn't have Jacob, God was always with me and would always be with me. I knew he would always guide every step. Still, all the prayers, Bible reading, phone calls with Jacob... nothing filled the hole. I felt compelled to act, but I didn't want to take a step out of desperation.
If anyone can relate to this at all, please sympathize. Please ;)
In the middle of all this frustration, I was also dealing with a lot of back/neck/shoulder pain of which I couldn't quite determine the source. With Crossfit, competitions, martial arts, and of course, normal wear and tear, I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Regardless, I had to skip out on Crossfit for almost two weeks- may not sound like much, but for me, it was a LONG time.
Skipping out on that became rather old. I was still doing other training, but with the Fenway Park Spartan Race coming up soon (i.e. This Saturday. Uh oh...), I knew I needed to get put back together so I could get my act together. The trip to the chiropractor proved to be a lot different than I had anticipated.
It turned out that the pain and 'out' feeling I was experiencing was because yes, my spine/shoulders/neck were out, but the reason they were out was because of a nerve firing in my T4. The nerve firing in my T4 was because of my gallbladder.
Hold up. I'm not supposed to hear the word 'gallbladder' come out of any doctor's mouth in my presence until I'm 84, so this can't be right. But yes. Read on.
The reason my gallbladder was showing up (and resulting in making my back a poorly constructed skeletal model) was one of two reasons: extremely poor diet (guffaw) or extreme frustration, stress, and over emotional-ness.
Huh.
I'll let you draw your conclusions.
I sat there in that chiropractor's office feeling a little funny. I'd been praying for God to help me deal with all that I was feeling, now I was hearing that my body was sick and tired of all this waiting and frustration.
"Is this 'stress' going to be ending anytime soon?" My chiropractor asked.
I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't help it. Even when I wasn't consciously frustrated, I knew I was always frustrated and missing Jacob. But with only a week-ish left until I was would see him again, I would try my best to forget about it. I would determine what would happen soon enough.
Trip #6 is something a few of you had asked about before it happened. Well, here's the report. This trip was a blessing in so many ways, I don't know where to start! Our families all got to meet, ALL TOGETHER, for the first time. And guess what? It was a party all day long.
In addition, I got to watch Jacob's last football game. This, despite however small a part of the trip it was, was a huge thing for me. I knew the feeling of playing the last game of your favorite sport. When I finished my final season of field hockey, it was a strange feeling- something that made you cry, sweat, and feel complete achievement... all gone with one final game. I sympathized with Jacob on this, but even more than this, it was a clear indication to both Jacob and I as well as our families, that this season of life was coming to a close and another one would soon be starting.
As the final minutes of his game ticked down and we all made our way over to the sidelines, I was there to give Momma Clifton a hug.
"He played a really good game," I told her with a smile. "You alright?"
"Oh yes," she said as she wiped away what I strongly suspected were tears. "I can't believe he's all done now. But I'm very excited about what's next for him."
She gave me tight squeeze and I felt a little bit like crying too, for some reason.
After the game Jacob's ankle was more wrecked than before, so between hobbling and sibling chaos, the stage was set for the rest of the trip.
Both Jacob and I got sick.
I stole Jacob's shirt. And sweatshirt. And that's all, I think.
We looked up airfare.
We went on a shopping excursion.
We watched movies.
We played basketball.
We froze to death at a bonfire.
We ate peanut butter like there was no tomorrow (ahem, Aubrey).
We took wild photos (I'll be posting those soon!).
We did the chocolate dance. Yeah.
We had a birthday party for my 8 year old sister.
We had wild car rides.
We ate (actually, no) sweet potato chips that tasted like the dirt of the earth. Sorry, Momma C.
But above all, this trip was the best yet- in complete honesty. I've never felt as trusting, close, or open with Jacob then I did this past trip. Being sick in a home other than your own isn't always fun. Being tired and a bit worn out (okay, a lot worn out) and still having multiple social obligations to dance around doesn't always feel so good. But despite everything, despite anything that could have been a potential trip wrecker, this trip was amazing.
But now I'm in NH again. I'm living away from home until I can figure out the next trip. And yes, the question still plagues me- what next? But regardless, I know God will guide me. He will show me what's next, he will show us what's next.
But what about my chiropractic issue, you say? Well. It's (ironically) started flaring up as soon as I got home. Between being sick and dealing with that, I'm nervous like heck about this Saturday's race. Whatever. I'll run for all the snot that's in my body ;) Oh, and maybe for Jacob, too.
So that's where we're at now.
Nowhere in particular. But...
Hope is on the way. I can feel it.
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