Cause there are things that I've seen that I don't believe,
So cling to what you know, and never let go,
Cause things aren't always what they seem..."
-A Day to Remember
We all know what this post is about, I think.
And maybe we all hoped it would happen. Maybe we all knew it would happen. I personally am in too much shock and thrill to be caring much at all as to what people think at all, honestly. I keep looking at my left hand to remind myself that it is all as real as I hope it to be.
Maybe this story is utterly typical and boring and a tad mushy, but from my eyes and from my heart it's as magical as it will ever be.
And that's all that matters.
Let's start from the top, shall we?
After spending a short weekend in NC during the early part of March, Jacob and I were unsure as to what would be the plan for the next trip. In my heart of hearts I was hoping it would be soon (and maybe, juuuust maybe I was severely hoping for a ring by spring, ahem).
I didn't want to get married. I didn't want what 'marriage' was, according to all the people and standards that I reading and looking at- all the typical flings and relationships was not what I wanted. I wanted a friendship forever. I was ready for it- not because I had everything figured out, but because I wanted to figure everything out with my best friend.
When Jacob called me mid-March to say he was coming to NH to see me, I was ecstatic. When he told me it would be a surprise as to when he actually came, I was immediately suspicious and a bit on guard. But that may just be me ;)
For weeks I waited and tried to get the thoughts of him showing up at random places out of my head. It felt like every day he was saying it would 'be soon', but I was starting to think his definition of 'soon' was different than mine.
"I'm coming in April," he told me.
You better, I thought.
I was an animal. I would check people's cars that came to my house, check closets, check my car before I left from work in case he was hiding the back... you name it, I did it. I was very much on guard.
On April 16th, Jacob didn't call me.
This was odd, because it was Wednesday. I was driving to Crossfit and he ALWAYS picked up.
Maybe he was sleeping in. Or... maybe. Hm.
An hour and a half-ish later, I tried calling again. No answer. I left a voicemail and texted him, but it wasn't until 10am that I finally got a text back. That's weird. He always called back, not texted back. I was suspicious, but I didn't have any proof that he wasn't just busy.
He told me all about his morning and how he had to tutor at two different times that day, and how he didn't know exactly when each one would be done. I was suspicious again.
Being the horrible girlfriend I was, I checked MHT to see if any flights were coming in from CLT at times that would coincide with the times Jacob told me. I know. I stink ;) But after being sick, getting a concussion, getting sick AGAIN, getting relapse of concussion, and a few other things which I'd been dealing with, I was sick of being alone. Give me some grace.
There were times that did coincide. And I was excited and fluttery and tried to stay calm. Besides, I could be dead wrong. I would simply have to be very nonchalant and see if he would slip up and give anything away. Until then, I would simply have to go on with everything and just let the day roll on.
I did chores, ran errands, went to the dojo to teach.
I bragged to everyone down there that I KNEW he was coming that night.
I nervously and anxiously made my way through teaching all the classes of that day, finishing around 7:30pm and being VERY excited to check my car for any southerners that may have magically appeared in my backseat.
I got to my car. No southerners.
I started driving home and called Jacob. We talked and I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed.
I pulled into my driveway and Jacob suddenly said he had to leave, but that I needed to check my email and call him when I did. I said I would and went inside.
My family seemed normal and friendly... my brother seemed a little abnormally friendly, but I kept on moving forward. My head was killing me from the concussion and too many hours under florescent lighting.
I went upstairs and grabbed a change of clothes to change into in the bathroom.
And that's when I saw a boarding pass on the counter. With Jacob Clifton's name on it.
My heart skipped a little. He had to be in the house.
I changed quickly and started ranting to no one that I KNEW he was here. Nevertheless, I played along. I turned on my computer and checked my email as I had been told.
Nothing.
I was about to call Jacob when he called me instead.
"Hello?" I said tentatively.
My closet door popped open and Jacob stuck his head out, phone in hand.
I about died as I hugged him and remembered how lovely it was to have him be real.
"You smell like you," I pointed out.
Cloud nine? Oh yes.
He said he would only be staying til Friday, that it was the best he could do, but I didn't care. He was here and I was happy.
The next couple days were a blur. I had to teach on Thursday in the morning as well as the afternoon, but we deadlifted, we laughed, we adventured, we watched Psych, we snuggled, we talked, we did all the things best friends do.
Those few days were packed and perfect. And when Friday rolled around, when we had finished wandering around and squeezing in all that we could, I was content. I wasn't ready for him to go home. He just got here!
He was leaving the same time I was headed off to teach- 5:15pm. I was feeling a bit grumpy. I complained that my hair looked gross and I didn't have time to take a shower annnnd I didn't want to be seen in public. I would teach that class, and run home and hide, I told Jacob. Greasy hair. Ew.
But no time for that. We had to say goodbye. We had to both get in separate cars and go our separate ways. I cried as he drove away, but I had to stop. I had to drive to my own location. I had to teach. I had to switch gears. But how? How do you do that?
A bit numb, I made my way to the dojo. He was gone. Already. He wasn't even here long enough to miss him, I suppose. But there was a gaping hole in my heart. And as I walked through those double doors, I couldn't help but feel a little bit sad. My best friend was gone already and I missed him so much.
I would put on a smile. I would switch gears and make this Friday, this test night, a good night- for me, for those around me, and for the kids getting their new belts.
Besides, that's what Jacob would want.
I was numb inside, but what could I do?
...nothing. And nothing would prepare me for what was going to happen in less than an hour.
Nothing would prepare me for the thing I'd told God I would never want... which I ironically is the same thing I begged God for a few years later.
Under the florescent lights, through the ocular headaches that only a concussion can bring, through confusion of the heart, through drill after drill, I hadn't the slightest idea.
This day had been written for thousands of years before time, and I hadn't the slightest clue.
This was the day that I would promise to become Mrs. Jacob Clifton... and this is how it happened.
Stay tuned!
