6 Months of Marriage! What We've Learned

Tomorrow, Jacob and I will have been married for 6 months. That's half a year!

While the time has absolutely flown by, it's been nothing short of incredible. It's been marvelous. Now, lest I come across as one of those bloggers who shares only the good and not the bad, let me recap the past 6 months a little bit as well as share some of what we've learned:

-We've stayed in 5 different places over the past 6 months.

-We still don't have a cat. Shame.

-We've made 2 major moves from different states.

-We've lived out of boxes for the first three months of marriage.

-We've learned quickly how to be penny pinching and prioritizing, creating plans for the future through our spending and habits of today.

-We've become so much closer than we ever were before marriage and every day we get closer than we were at the saying of 'I do'.

-We've not fought once. Hey folks! Have we gotten frustrated with each other? Have we looked at each other and felt overwhelmed by grown up life? Have we had bad days? Absolutely. But we've chosen to turn to God for guidance and grace than to each other for a chance at slander or vengeful words and actions. And besides, when you get frustrated, laughing over things WITH each other rather than yelling AT each other is always better!

-We've settled back into NH in our first apartment!

-We're enjoying the freedom to be wild, goofy, serious, and all together open with each other about everything. An extension of yourself is the best thing ever. 

-We've learned that life can be a dream, even when you have to pick and choose, taper and cut, be patient and receive patience.

-We've learned that God is always bigger than the problems life throws at you... even when you feel scared or uncertain.

-We've learned that maturity and faithfulness in regards to God is both an individual and team effort.

-We've learned that post wedding bodies can actually get more spicy than those in the wedding photos. I.e., marriage does not equal being doomed to an out of shape body.

-We've learned to enjoy corn chips and broccoli, couscous and cabbage. Oh wait. We've always enjoyed those.

-We've learned contentment is the key to happiness.

-We've learned that love covers a multitude of sins.

-We've learned that we couldn't live without each other.

May God guide us every day for the rest of our lives, may he show his face to us every day, and may we bring him glory through this institution he has so graciously blessed us. Here's to the next 6 months, the next 6 years, and the 60th birthday part we will celebrate together on an August 31st years and years from now. Oh, we'll be millionaires and have 6 packs (still). And we'll open our Bibles together and remember years back when two friends became one heart.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple.

Thank you for everything, Captain. You know I'll be here a while longer to feed you mashies and schlups and the like. And after that, well, I'll still hold your hand if you'll let me :)

Is My Marriage All Daisies?

Hello friends.

It's been a long time and not by choice! Moving 5 times in the first 4 months of marriage can do that to you! Moving 5 times and 2 out of 5 places don't have internet makes said moves even more interesting.

It's hard to believe we're really at 4 and a half months of marriage at this point. The days have flown by and I've enjoyed them all. There have been great days, there have been brainy (yes, brainy, not rainy) days, but not one day has gone by that I have regretted, been disappointed, questioned, or felt let down over what God has so graciously given us.

With that, I would like to address the question a lot of people have asked me recently. It's been worded a lot like this:

"So, is the honeymoon phase over yet?"

"Is your marriage all 'daisies' still?

"Have you found those bad habits creeping out?"

Basically, at the almost half year to year mark, it's customary for things to backslide and for all the boogey monsters to come crawling out of the closets in your marriage. I think?

And Jacob and I usually answer along these lines:

"Things are great! We still haven't fought or argued over anything and really our relationship hasn't changed at all from when we first started dating, so things are very good and we're having a lot of fun!"

And then they usually look at us like we're lying. Usually. So here are my thoughts in detail about all this along with the reasons that our relationship has stayed the same and that we aren't in a 'honeymoon phase', but that we are simply working on a solid marriage:

• We are putting in the work. Much like workouts, what you put in is what you get out. If you want a fantastic marriage, be prepared to put in a fantastic amount of work! It will be hard, often requiring sacrifice that you don't understand our might not feel fair.

• This leads me to point #2, which is don't nag, complain, or read into things. We make mountains out of mole hills because we feel slighted, cheated, or overworked compared to the other person. And yes, although communication is great, when you turn communicating your feelings into a verbal bashing of your spouse, you might as well sling a dunce cap over their head as well. No one likes being belittled, treated like an idiot, or talked to as if they are the reason for every issue.

• Be supportive, encouraging, and helpful, even when you don't feel like it, i.e. "They deserve that!" or "It's their own fault they're in that spot!". If you don't get it, imagine God saying any of the previous things to you when you find yourself in a tough place.

• Let the little things go. I guess this is partially a personality thing, but over all, ask yourself on a daily basis what is more important: that little thing that they do that bugs you or your marriage? Often, in addition, that little annoying thing they do really isn't that annoying! If they don't close the kitchen cabinets every time they go to get something, remind them nicely, but in the end, ask yourself if it's worth it. Besides, you probably do something just like it- you just don't realize it!

• Communicate lovingly and honestly, but not bluntly. Some people sugar coat everything, some people say it exactly as it is. Neither is the best choice, especially in marriage! Share what you feel and think in a respectful manner, understanding and always looking at things from the other person's perspective as well. If you still feel like you're not making headway, pray and leave it up to God.

• Last but not least, compromise willingly, cheerfully, and with a good spirit. Not much else to say about this one!

Marriage is a gift. It is a team effort. It isn't a reality TV show, it isn't a contest, it isn't a fairytale where you are the princess who gets doted on all day or the king who is waited on hand and foot.

It IS royal, however. It IS magnificent. You do get doted on all day and you do get waited on hand and foot, but just not in the ways we always expect. Marriage is all about finding out what those ways are... and glorifying God through what you've been given.